Do you think unmarried, cohabitating couples or married couples trust each other more? According to research, married couples tend to trust each other more than cohabitating couples. Married couples also had higher levels of relationship satisfaction than cohabitating couples. Interesting, right? We think so! But what does cohabitating have to do with getting married? Is there a connection? Does living together before marriage affect the marriage in any way? The data says yes, but there’s more to it than that. Let’s dive in.
What the data says about pre-marriage cohabitation
The existing data isn’t good for those couples living together before marriage. In short, living together before marriage has been shown to have worse outcomes for eventual marriages.
According to research, couples who cohabited before engagement reported lower marital satisfaction, dedication, and confidence, as well as more negative communication and greater proneness for divorce, compared to those who cohabited only after engagement.
This “pre-engagement cohabitation effect” could not be fully explained by factors like age, income, education, or religiousness. In other words, the pre-marriage cohabitation effect impacts people from all walks of life.
While this data is important, it may be outdated
While the above data is insightful, it may be outdated. Much of the research on this topic is from decades ago and has a good chance of being slightly less relevant in today’s day and age. Let’s discuss how this data may be no longer relevant:
- Past vs. Present: Cohabitation used to be unconventional, but now it’s often a common stepping stone to marriage. This changes who cohabits and why.
- Older Studies May Be Biased: Couples who cohabited decades ago were likely different (more rebellious, less traditional) than those who do so now.
- Societal Shifts: We can’t assume a direct link between cohabitation and divorce risk without considering these societal shifts in attitudes. In fact, the Pew Research Center has found that today, more people today have lived with a partner than been married!
The bottom line is that we need NEW research focusing on couples in the modern context to get an accurate picture of how cohabitation impacts relationships today.
Why living together before tying the knot may lead to an unhappy marriage
Much of the research does indeed show that couples who cohabit prior to marriage are less likely to have happy marriages. One theory basically says that once a couple is living together, they’re more likely to prolong the relationship past its expiration date because it’s easier. Here’s more on why living together pre-marriage can lead to an unhappy relationship:
- Cohabitation Creates Entanglement: Living together blends finances, routines, and social lives, making it harder to leave a relationship, even if it’s not ideal. For example, if you purchased the home that you live in together, but your relationship is going south, it may be more difficult to end the relationship than had you never started living together.
- Forcing it: Some couples may drift into marriage out of convenience rather than a conscious, positive choice. Sometimes, marriage is just the “next step,” and people take it just because they feel like they have to.
- Potential Future Unhappiness: Forcing a marriage from convenience can lead to unsatisfying marriages simply because ending the relationship felt too complicated after cohabiting.
- The Inertia Effect: Also known as “sliding” vs. deciding. Cohabitation without clear intentions can push couples into marriage out of convenience, even if the relationship isn’t ideal.
Marriages still have better outcomes
Don’t be fooled by the data on cohabiting pre-marriage– just because living together may have an impact on the eventual marriage, it doesn’t mean that marriage isn’t still a great institution. In fact, recent data shows how much better marriage relationships are than cohabiting relationships:
- Marriages are Happier: Married couples generally report higher trust, satisfaction, and feelings of closeness than cohabiting couples. Married couples seem more content with how chores, finances, and communication are handled within the relationship.
- Marriages have Better Stability: To no one’s surprise, data shows that people in marriages reported higher stability of the relationship than cohabitating partners.
- Marriages are Stronger: Data shows that regardless of age, education, and income, marriages last longer than cohabiting relationships.
Prenups: The next step after cohabitation
Whether or not the data on cohabiting prior to marriage is still accurate, if you are living together before getting married, it could be risky for your eventual marriage. The existing data says living together before tying the knot leads to worse outcomes in marriage. But never fear–prenups are here! They can be your next step after cohabitation to provide peace of mind and much more. Here’s why prenups matter:
- Prenups Build on Commitment: Just like cohabitation, a prenup involves open communication and planning for your shared future.
- Finances are Part of Marriage: Discussing money expectations and goals is essential for a successful partnership and is part of the required process of getting a prenup (known as financial disclosure).
- Prenups Protect BOTH Partners: No, prenups aren’t just for the wealthier partner. They can protect the financially disadvantaged partner, as well.
- Teamwork Practice: Creating a prenup strengthens communication and decision-making skills as a couple. Think of it like your first task as an (almost) married couple!
- Marriage Insurance: Let’s face it–stuff happens, and that’s okay! Just like getting car insurance is a part of life, consider prenups the same, but for marriage.
The bottom line
While older studies showed the negative impacts of pre-marital cohabitation, we need more current research to be sure if those findings still hold true today. However, recent data still confirms that married couples tend to have higher trust and satisfaction than cohabiting ones.
Things to Consider:
- Cohabitation Isn’t Bad: Despite what the data says, many cohabiting couples still have strong, healthy relationships. The risk might lie in continuing on to marriage out of convenience.
- Open Communication is Key: Whether cohabiting or married, talking about finances, expectations, and future plans builds a stronger foundation for any relationship.
- Prenups Offer Protection: Regardless of your relationship status, a prenup provides clear agreements on finances, offering peace of mind for BOTH partners.
Co-create your future and protect your ass(ets) with a prenup today!
Nicole Sheehey is the Head of Legal Content at HelloPrenup, and an Illinois licensed attorney. She has a wealth of knowledge and experience when it comes to prenuptial agreements. Nicole has Juris Doctor from John Marshall Law School. She has a deep understanding of the legal and financial implications of prenuptial agreements, and enjoys writing and collaborating with other attorneys on the nuances of the law. Nicole is passionate about helping couples locate the information they need when it comes to prenuptial agreements. You can reach Nicole here: Nicole@Helloprenup.com
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