Every couple has their own way of managing money, but here’s something that might surprise you: according to a survey of Plenty members, most couples—85%, in fact—still keep some of their money private. And it’s not because they don’t trust each other. Instead, it’s often about something more subtle: maintaining independence while building a life together.
As someone who’s spent a lot of time thinking about how couples can navigate the tricky waters of finances, I’ve seen that keeping a little financial autonomy isn’t a sign of weakness—it’s actually a sign of strength. Just like personal hobbies or alone time, having some financial privacy can help partners feel grounded in their individual identity, which, in turn, strengthens the relationship.
The case for “yours, mine, and ours”
At Plenty, we’ve built a platform around this idea: managing money together doesn’t have to mean merging everything. Many couples thrive by using a “yours, mine, and ours” system, where certain accounts or savings are joint while others stay separate. This approach provides clarity and flexibility—partners can contribute to shared goals without losing their sense of financial autonomy.
When each person has a bit of personal freedom, they can spend or save without feeling judged. That freedom makes conversations about money less stressful because every coffee splurge or spontaneous gift doesn’t need an explanation. Instead of micromanaging one another, couples can focus on what matters—like planning for the future.
Privacy can be healthy
It’s easy to assume that keeping separate accounts means partners aren’t fully committed, but that’s a myth. Financial privacy doesn’t have to mean secrecy. In fact, it often makes it easier for partners to communicate openly. Knowing that each person has space to manage their money in their own way builds mutual respect and trust.
Many couples find that small things—like separate budgets for personal purchases—can go a long way toward reducing tension. When both partners know they have the freedom to spend without scrutiny, it leads to fewer conflicts and more positive conversations about bigger financial goals.
What works for one couple won’t work for all
At the end of the day, the best financial system is the one that works for your relationship. Some couples prefer to pool every dollar into joint accounts, while others prefer to keep everything separate. For most, the right approach lies somewhere in between—one that supports both shared goals and individual freedom.
How Plenty can help
Plenty can help allow couples to align their financial futures while keeping some independence intact. Whether it’s toggling between “yours” and “ours” or working toward shared goals, we make it easier to manage your money together without giving up what makes you, you.
Because the truth is, love isn’t about giving up control—it’s about building a partnership that makes space for both people to thrive. Financial independence and intimacy can go hand in hand, and when they do, couples are better equipped to grow, plan, and dream together.
Outlining it all in a prenup
While embracing the “yours, mine, and ours” philosophy sounds great, how do you actually put it into practice? That’s where a prenup comes in. It’s the perfect tool to clearly define your financial arrangement, whether you’re leaning towards separate accounts, joint accounts, or a combination of both. Putting this in writing allows you and your partner to align financial goals and make sure you are in sync before taking the plunge.
Emily Luk, CPA, CA, CFA. Emily is the CEO and co-founder of Plenty. Started by a husband and wife team, Plenty is a wealth platform built for modern couples to invest and plan towards their future, together. Previously, she was VP of Strategy and Operations at Even (acquired by Walmart/One) as they scaled to support millions of individuals and move billions of dollars. Before that, she was a founding team member of Stripe’s Growth and Finance & Strategy teams. She began her career as a VC, and was one of the youngest nationally to complete both her CPA and CFA designations.
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