Did you know that around 55% of marriages worldwide are arranged marriages? In today’s world of swiping right and left and having a million options at your fingertips, the concept of arranged marriages may seem outdated. However, arranged marriages have long been ingrained in various cultures worldwide, serving as a cornerstone of tradition and societal structure, and they remain a common practice still in parts of the world. Let’s dive in!
What is an arranged marriage?
Netflix’s release of Indian Matchmaking in 2020 shone a new spotlight on the tradition of arranged marriage and was such a hit with viewers that season 4 is set to be released in 2024. But what exactly is an arranged marriage?
- What is it?: An arranged marriage is one where the bride and groom are selected by their families or other third parties rather than by the individuals themselves.
- Who arranges it?: In contrast to a typical love marriage where the individuals take the lead, in this type of marriage, the families take a leading role in finding a suitable match for their son or daughter based on factors such as social status, compatibility, religion, caste, or financial considerations.
- How does it work?: Once a match is agreed upon, the couple may meet and get to know each other before marriage, but the ultimate decision to marry is often made by the families – albeit this is changing somewhat today.
Arranged marriages still play a significant role in many cultures around the globe, with notable prevalence in countries like India, where over 90% of marriages are arranged.
Arranged vs. forced marriage: What’s the difference?
There can be a misconception that arranged marriages are forced and often loveless or sad. However, there is a clear distinction between the two that is worth clarifying.
- What is a forced marriage?: A forced marriage is a union in which one or both parties are married without their consent or against their will. Unlike arranged marriages, where individuals may have the option to refuse a proposed match, forced marriages involve coercion, threats, or pressure to compel someone to marry against their wishes. This coercion can come from family members, community members, or other influential parties.
- Why do forced marriages happen?: It happens due to cultural, social, economic, or familial factors. In some cases, individuals may be forced into marriage to fulfill family obligations, strengthen alliances between families or communities, or address financial concerns.
- Human rights violation: Forced marriages are a violation of human rights and can have serious consequences for the individuals involved, including physical and emotional harm, loss of autonomy, and restricted opportunities for education and personal development.
- No way out: Forced marriages also lead many young girls and women to be trapped and, in certain religious communities, unable to even seek a divorce, which is only granted to men. In many countries, such marriages are illegal and considered a form of abuse, with efforts ongoing to raise awareness and prevent forced marriage globally.
The bottom line is there’s a huge difference between forced and arranged marriages. There’s a clear distinction–consent is absent or coerced in forced marriages.
The benefits of an arranged marriage
While there may be many misconceptions about arranged marriages, there are clear benefits that have made this tradition last. So, what are the benefits of such marriage arrangements?
- Cultural Preservation: Arranged marriages play a pivotal role in safeguarding cultural heritage and values. By maintaining time-honored matchmaking customs, arranged marriages contribute to the preservation of familial and societal traditions, ensuring the preservation of cultural identity.
- Family Involvement: A key characteristic of arranged marriages is the active participation of family members in the matchmaking process. Parents, siblings, and extended relatives often collaborate to facilitate such unions, creating a support network that accompanies couples through the journey of married life.
- Social Stability: In cultures where arranged marriages exist, they serve as a stabilizing force that reinforces established social structures and norms and promotes social cohesion and order within communities.
Arranged marriages offer cultural preservation, family involvement, and social stability, a key reason for their enduring significance in diverse societies.
The drawbacks of arranged marriages
Amidst the virtues of arranged marriages, challenges still exist that are worth being aware of.
- Compatibility: At the top of the list is the issue of compatibility, which can pose significant hurdles for couples entering arranged marriages. Unlike non-arranged marriages, where personal compatibility takes priority, arranged marriages may prioritize factors such as family background, socioeconomic status, or caste, potentially leading to personality and value mismatches between partners.
- Lack of Personal Freedom: Furthermore, the pressure to conform to familial expectations and societal norms can take a toll on individuals within arranged marriages. Feelings of resentment or unfulfilled desires may emerge when personal autonomy is compromised in the partner selection process.
- Lack of Trust: The lack of dating and time to get to know each other can breed mistrust at the beginning of the relationship. In recent years, efforts have been made to address these challenges and empower individuals within arranged marriages. Pre-marital counseling and compatibility assessments aim to support better-informed decision-making and enhance communication between couples, but it’s still a work in progress.
Arranged marriages, while rooted in tradition, still require individuals to navigate challenges such as compatibility and autonomy through open communication and understanding. Acknowledging these complexities is essential for fostering successful unions within arranged marriage frameworks.
The future of arranged marriages
A lot of the stigma associated with arranged marriages actually has to do with forced marriages, where women and girls can be coerced and trapped into abusive marriages. However, the future of arranged marriages is changing too.
- In an interview with The Knot, California State University professor Pamela Regan shared that today’s marriages contain a lot more free choices. “People are saying, ‘I’m willing to let my parents find someone, but if I don’t like them, I have the right to say no.’”
- This narrative is more akin to what we see in the Netflix series ‘Indian Matchmaking,’ where the third-party matchmaker presents multiple prospective partners to individuals, who have the final say and freedom to agree to a date or not.
- In many ways, it’s not too dissimilar to allowing third-party dating apps like Hinge or Bumble to present prospects to you based on your input criteria, with you having complete autonomy to either go on a date with them or continue swiping left until you find a more suitable match.
In a world of increased reliance on dating apps to find your perfect partner, the future of arranged marriages with built-in personal choice makes sense. Everyone is looking to find their person, so having people around you to support you in that search is something that makes sense and has its own benefits.
Frequently Asked Questions (FAQs) about arranged marriages
Let’s dive more into this topic with some frequently asked questions:
Q: Do arranged marriages still happen in the modern world?
A: Yes, arranged marriages are still prevalent in many cultures, although the dynamics may have evolved over time with more personal choices now involved in rejecting a potential match.
Q: How much autonomy do individuals have in arranged marriages?
A: The level of autonomy can vary depending on cultural and familial expectations, with some individuals having more say in the decision-making process than others.
Q: Can love develop in an arranged marriage?
A: Absolutely! Love can develop over time in arranged marriages, just as it can in love marriages. It often requires mutual respect, understanding, and effort from both partners.
The bottom line on arranged marriages
Cultures with arranged marriages have the lowest divorce rates in the world! And arranged marriages continue to be a significant aspect of many cultures, offering both advantages and challenges for individuals involved. By understanding the dynamics, navigating the process with open communication, and making informed decisions, individuals can approach arranged marriages with confidence and clarity, paving the way for fulfilling and lasting relationships.
Laura Tynan is the founder of The Witch of Wall Street, a personal finance and investing community, where women are shown how to manage, multiply and manifest money, using simple strategies. Laura holds a BSc Hons in Finance, is a Chartered Accountant, and is certified in EFT Tapping, Breathwork, and RRT. She has been recognized by the Financial Times as a Top 20 Future Female Leader and by Yahoo! Finance as a Global Champion of Women in Business. She is a multi-award-winning speaker who has spoken at, and been featured in, Forbes. Laura hosts The Witch of Wall Street podcast and is the author of the personal finance and investing book for women, by the same name, which is available now on Amazon.
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