Moving in together is a big step for any couple, and it’s not just about sharing a space. According to the United States Census Bureau, there were approximately 9 million households maintained by cohabiting couples in the U.S. (Cohabiting means a couple lives together in an intimate or committed relationship but is not married or in a civil partnership). As exciting as this new chapter can be, it does bring up a crucial question: whose stuff stays and whose goes? Navigating this can be as challenging as deciding whose Spotify playlist to listen to (okay, maybe a bit harder). Let’s break it down in as simple a way as possible.
Assessing the inventory: What do you both have?
Taking a practical approach to what can become an emotional discussion, before you decide what stays and what goes, you need to know what you’re working with. Take inventory of both partners’ things. Here’s how:
- Step 1: Room-by-Room Analysis: Go through each room in both of your places and make a list of all major items. This includes furniture, electronics, kitchenware, and decor. Literally, listing it all out in your Notes app or on a piece of paper. This helps stay organized and get a visual representation of your things.
- Step 2: Condition Check: Next to each item, you mark down, note the condition of each item. Is the couch sagging? Does the coffee maker still work properly? This will help in deciding what’s worth keeping. For example, you can make three categories: Good, fair, or poor, and assign every item one of these conditions to keep it simple.
- Step 3: Sentimental Value: Highlight items that have sentimental value. That poster from your first concert together or the antique lamp from grandma should be noted.
Knowing exactly what you both own is step one in making a fair and logical decision about what to keep and what must go.
Comparing duplicates: The showdown
Now that you have your inventory, it’s time to compare duplicates. You each have a couch, a KitchenAid mixer, and a coffee table? Time for the showdown. This section will help you decide which items should stay based on a few practical considerations.
- Quality and Condition: Keep the item that is in better condition and of higher quality. If one of you has a top-of-the-line blender and the other has a basic model, the choice is clear.
- Frequency of Use: Consider how often you use the items. If you both have coffee makers, but one of you uses a French press daily, maybe the other’s drip coffee maker can go.
- Space Efficiency: Choose items that make the best use of your space. A sleek, modern dining table might fit better in your new apartment than an old, bulky one.
By evaluating the duplicates you have based on quality, usage, and space, you can make informed decisions that remain fair and in the best interest of both of you.
Deciding on sentimental items
Combining two households filled with sentimental items can be challenging, but it’s a task that requires thoughtful communication and creative solutions. Openly discuss the meaning behind your cherished possessions, as understanding each other’s emotional attachments is key to compromise. Then, consider storage options for items that don’t fit in your new space but hold sentimental value. Repurposing or displaying these items in your new home can be a meaningful way to honor your individual histories while building a shared space. This process can be an opportunity to deepen your understanding of each other and create a home that reflects both your past and your future together.
Sell, donate, or store the leftover stuff
After the showdown and deciding what to keep, you’ll have a pile of extras. So, what’s the best way to handle those additional items? Let’s take a look.
- Selling: Platforms like eBay, Facebook Marketplace, and Craigslist are great for selling items. You can make some extra cash and ensure your belongings go to someone who will appreciate them. Win-win!
- Donating: Many organizations like Goodwill, The Salvation Army, and local shelters will gladly accept donations of gently used items. This option helps others while decluttering your space fast.
- Storing: If you have items you can’t part with but don’t have room for, consider a storage unit. This is a good temporary solution while you adjust to your new space. Just be aware of the costs and ensure it’s really worth it.
Choosing to sell, donate, or store those extra items helps streamline your new home, avoid clutter, and benefit others in the process.
Frequently Asked Questions (FAQs) about moving in together and merging your things
Here are some more questions regarding the merging of items when moving in with your boyfriend or girlfriend.
Q: What if we can’t agree on something?
A: Consider alternative choices listed above or bring in a neutral third party, like a friend, to help mediate.
Q: How do we deal with expensive items like electronics or furniture?
A: Evaluate based on condition, usage, and necessity. If you both want to keep different expensive items, consider selling one and splitting the proceeds.
Q: What about merging kitchen items?
A: Keep the items you use most frequently and that are in the best condition. Duplicate appliances can be sold or donated.
In the end, remember why you are deciding to move in together
Merging households to build a home is an exciting step in your relationship, so don’t let possessions stand in the way of this being a joyous experience. Of course, this move can come with its challenges, but by assessing your items, dealing with extras effectively, and communicating kindly, you can create a beautiful, comfortable shared space where you both feel at home. Remember, it’s not just about the stuff—it’s about the life you’re building together.
Laura Tynan is the founder of The Witch of Wall Street, a personal finance and investing community, where women are shown how to manage, multiply and manifest money, using simple strategies. Laura holds a BSc Hons in Finance, is a Chartered Accountant, and is certified in EFT Tapping, Breathwork, and RRT. She has been recognized by the Financial Times as a Top 20 Future Female Leader and by Yahoo! Finance as a Global Champion of Women in Business. She is a multi-award-winning speaker who has spoken at, and been featured in, Forbes. Laura hosts The Witch of Wall Street podcast and is the author of the personal finance and investing book for women, by the same name, which is available now on Amazon.
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