Weddings may be seen as a couple’s happiest day, but they can also be one of the most stressful days to plan, especially when it comes to finances. Who pays for what for a wedding has evolved over time and is influenced by cultural norms, traditions, and modern practices. Let’s dive into the nitty-gritty of wedding finances, starting with some historical context and moving into today’s trends, ultimately answering today’s key question: who pays for what in the wedding?
Traditionally, the bride’s family pays
For centuries, it has been a common tradition for the bride’s family to bear the bulk of the wedding expenses. This custom dates back to the days when daughters were considered financial burdens to their families until they were married off. In ancient times, dowries were a form of compensation for the groom’s family for taking on the financial responsibility of the bride. The Victorian era solidified the notion that the bride’s family would cover wedding costs as part of the dowry system. And while less common today, some families, especially more conservative or traditional families, still follow this tradition.
Nowadays, most people share the costs
Today’s weddings—in terms of size and scale—are more likely to reflect the couple’s level of financial independence and the changing dynamics of modern relationships. Instead of following strict traditions, many couples opt for a more balanced approach to wedding expenses. In many cases, the couple themselves cover the majority of the wedding costs. That said, parents from both sides may offer to contribute, but it’s typically more of a voluntary gift than an expectation.
With typical weddings costing around $15,000-$20,000 according to Honeyfund (and averaging upwards of $30,000 in the U.S.), couples are finding creative ways to fund their big day, opting for solutions like cash registries or dedicated wedding savings accounts to manage expenses.
What should the groom’s family pay for?
With the fading tradition of the bride’s family paying, and the evolution of wedding celebrations, certain expenses are now typically covered by the groom’s family instead. These contributions can vary based on cultural norms, family expectations, and personal preferences.
One of the most common expenses covered by the groom’s family is the rehearsal dinner, a pre-wedding event that gathers close family and friends ahead of the big day. The groom’s family might also pay for the groom’s wedding attire, including the suit or tuxedo. Traditionally, the groom’s family also covered the honeymoon.
These traditions, too, are changing with families coming up with more flexible and custom allocations of funds. Open communication between families will be key to determining who pays for what, ensuring everyone is on the same page and comfortable with their financial responsibilities. Equally, the groom’s family may simply give money to the couple to be used at their own discretion.
What should the bride pay for herself, if anything?
While modern brides often share costs with their partners, there are still specific items they might choose to handle personally. Items such as jewelry, shoes, and other accessories are often paid for by the bride. While traditionally hosted and paid for by the maid of honor and bridesmaids, some brides choose to cover part or all of the costs as a gesture of gratitude – although this is still quite rare.
Pre-wedding beauty treatments, including hair, makeup, and spa days, are typically expenses the bride might choose to pay for herself. These personal contributions can help brides feel more in control of their wedding day and ensure that they get exactly what they want without feeling like they are imposing costs on others.
Financial tips for couples paying for the wedding themselves
For couples choosing to handle their own wedding expenses, financial planning and smart budgeting are key. It’s easy for costs to rack up, breaking your budget and causing unnecessary financial stress. To avoid that, here are some practical tips to manage wedding costs effectively:
- Set a Realistic Budget: Taking into account available savings and contributions from family and friends, determine how much you are willing to spend without going into debt. Factor in all possible expenses and leave a little wiggle room for unexpected costs like tips and service fees. Honeyfund’s 1-page Wedding Plan makes this easy.
- Prioritize Your Spending: Identify the most important elements of your wedding (e.g., venue, photographer, dress) and allocate funds accordingly. Know your ‘must haves’ and ‘nice to haves’, then be flexible and willing to compromise on those less important aspects.
- DIY Where Possible: Consider do-it-yourself options for decor, invitations, and even some aspects of the catering. This can save significant amounts of money and add a personal touch to your wedding. Sites like Pinterest and the Budget Savvy Bride are a great source of inspiration.
With some advance planning and realistic budgeting, couples can enjoy a beautiful wedding without breaking the bank. Remember, the focus should be on celebrating your love and commitment, not on how much you spend.
The bottom line on who pays for a wedding
While wedding traditions and financial responsibilities have evolved significantly over time, there are certain expenses that each side of the wedding may still be expected to cover. While the bride’s family traditionally bore most of the costs, today modern couples often choose to share expenses or receive contributions from both families. Ultimately, the goal is to create a memorable day that reflects your love and commitment without unnecessary financial stress.
Sara Margulis launched Honeyfund in 2006, leveraging her digital marketing expertise to revolutionize wedding gifting. Under her leadership, Honeyfund has shifted a generational trend away from household items and toward shared experiences, empowering 1.3 m couples to create and fund their honeymoons, distributing nearly $1 billion in gifts. As CEO of the popular honeymoon registry service, Sara is steering the company into its next phase as a life-long funding platform where couples can receive the support of friends and family for all of life’s milestones. Sara appeared on ABC’s Shark Tank in 2014 and landed a partnership with Kevin O’Leary (‘Mr. Wonderful’). Sara also serves on the board of Sebastopol Charter School in her home town of Sebastopol, CA.
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