Ethical wills have been part of Jewish culture for centuries. The concept is simple: an ethical will is a document you pass down to your heirs regarding spiritual, ethical, and practical values. Maybe it’s the mantras you have always lived by, specific ways to practice your religion or a set of go-to life hacks that you have used for decades. You can do whatever you want with an ethical will! And keep in mind that an ethical will is not a legal document but, instead, a more emotional and spiritual one that is meant to leave a legacy for generations to come.
What is an ethical will?
So, let’s take a deeper dive into what an ethical will is. It’s a written document meant to convey values, beliefs, life lessons, personal stories, spiritual practices, ethical advice, you name it. Anything (non-legal) can go into this document.
Here are some specific examples of what may be included in an ethical will:
- Core values such as kindness (e.g., emphasizing how kindness helped you throughout the hard times in your life)
- Life lessons learned from failures and successes
- Political opinions and how they have changed over time and what you want future generations to know
- Personal stories (funny, sad, happy, whatever you want)
- Your most used and go-to recipes for the various decades of your life
- Favorite photos of you and your friends or family
- Hopes and dreams for future generations
- Expressions of love and gratitude for family and friends and future generations
- Spiritual practices and rituals
- Practical advice such as life hacks and advice
You can get creative with the format you leave an ethical will in. You can do a written note, a digital letter, or an audio or video recording. Any format you choose will be an emotional and special way to leave a message from beyond.
Traditional will vs. ethical will
A traditional will is different from an ethical will because it is legal in nature. An ethical will is more of an emotional/spiritual document not meant to be “enforced” or seen by a court or a lawyer. Instead, it’s use is for family and friends in remembrance of you and your life. You can have both a traditional will and an ethical will but remember that generally nothing you write in the ethical will will be enforced—it’s all about the traditional will from a legal standpoint. So, at the end of the day: devise your assets with a traditional will and share your emotions through an ethical will.
What is the difference between an ethical will and a legacy letter?
There is no real difference between an ethical will and a legacy letter—they’re two interchangeable terms for the same thing. They both pass on values, life lessons, stores, and memories to loved ones after they pass. Neither a legacy letter nor an ethical letter is a legal document. They are simply meant to be an emotional document to give to your loved ones after you pass. One small difference is that an ethical will could theoretically be in the form of a video or audo recording and, clearly, a legacy letter is…well… a letter. In written form.
Why get an ethical will?
Sometimes people choose to get ethical wills as part of their culture. Other times, it may be a way to simply share your emotions with your loved ones and provide them with a sense of comfort and closure after your passing. Here are a few other reasons one might get an ethical will:
- Creates connection between different generations and even many, many generations in the future.
- Can help preserve certain aspects of family history, such as if certain family members lead interesting and impactful lives, ethical wills can make sure that generations to come know what their family accomplished.
- Can help preserve certain aspects of cultural heritage by passing down certain rituals and traditions.
- Can be a way to guide future generations to live a meaningful life.
- Can be cathartic for the will-maker to write out these aspects and reflect on their life and their values.
- Can create a lasting emotional legacy for all those left behind.
How to create an ethical will
Now let’s discuss how to go about creating an ethical will. Luckily, there are no legal aspects to this one, so you can get fairly creative. Here’s what to do:
Step 1: Reflect and introspect
Figure out what it is you want to do with your ethical will. Are you a deeply emotional person who wants to write solilquys to your grandkids demonstrating your everlasting love? Or are you more about passing on the practical things like traditions and recipes? You should also take this time to reflect on your core values and life experiences—it is very cathartic, after all! Try jotting all of this down in a journal to keep your thoughts in one place.
Step 2: Choose an ethical will format
Now that you have your goal for the ethical will, it’s time to choose a format. Do you want to write this down? Record it on a video? Audio only? Whatever you want, choose that format and nail down how you’re going to create this document.
Step 3: Create that will!
Now’s time to put the pedal to the medal and get all your thoughts out. If you are writing, make a couple drafts and try to write it authentically but also clearly. If you are recording, allow yourself a few takes to get used to how you are coming across. It’s okay if this takes several days. Sleeping on it for a few days can also help you come back to the table and create an even better version.
Step 4: Decide how you will share your ethical will
Next step is determining how you will share this will with your loved ones. Do you want to wait until you die for this to be shared? Do you want to pass it on now to see everyone’s reactions. It’s totally up to you. If you are going the route of only sharing it after you pass, then make sure your loved ones know where to find it when you pass. Maybe next to your legal will in a safe space.
Examples of how to start an ethical will
If you’re having a writer’s block, we’ve got some written examples for you to get the brain juices flowing.
Start with memories
“I’ll never forget the day that John was born. It was a rainy Tuesday afternoon in 1984 and Danny had just gotten home from his trip to Australia….”
“My favorite memory of all time (yes, ALL time, and that is a very long time for me), is when Missy and I went horseback riding on the beach and got lost in the forest. We came across the most hilarious….”
Insert your go-to mantras
“Here are some verbal mantras that I’ve lived by and have gotten me through some pretty dark times…”
“In life, nobody gets out alive, so just do what makes you happy!”
“Most of the things we worry about in life never happen, so stop worrying!”
Write out your core values
“I want to pass down several of my core values. The first one I want to talk about is kindness. Every single person you cross paths with is dealing with their own battle. You are them, they are you. Be kind to them as…”
“Happiness is not something that you achieve one day. Happiness is something you work at each and every single day. It’s a choice you make every morning when you wake up and get started for the day….”
Recall your biggest life lessons
“I lived 85+ long years and learned lots of lessons during that time that I now want to pass on to you so you can learn from my mistakes…”
“My biggest mistake in life was not starting the business I always dreamt about sooner…”
So there you have it. A few sample ethical will starters to get your creativity flowing. And if you need even more support, here are some resources you can turn to to help you create the ultimate ethical will:
- Ethical Wills, Putting Your Values on Paper
- Step by step journal to help you create your ethical will
- Writing guide for ethical wills
The bottom line on ethical wills
The takeaway from this is that ethical wills are not legal documents, but instead purely emotional ones meant to pass on your legacy to your loved ones and future generations to come. Whether you make it deeply emotional or a funny memory book with some recipes attached, you can make it your own. You can write it out in a letter or make a recording. Whatever your heart desires. Just remember that an ethical will is a special and thoughtful act of love and wisdom to all of your loved ones and they will be thrilled to see anything you have created for them. Happy creating!
Nicole Sheehey is the Head of Legal Content at HelloPrenup, and an Illinois licensed attorney. She has a wealth of knowledge and experience when it comes to prenuptial agreements. Nicole has Juris Doctor from John Marshall Law School. She has a deep understanding of the legal and financial implications of prenuptial agreements, and enjoys writing and collaborating with other attorneys on the nuances of the law. Nicole is passionate about helping couples locate the information they need when it comes to prenuptial agreements. You can reach Nicole here: Nicole@Helloprenup.com
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