Prenup conversations can be difficult for many couples. If both couples are on board for a prenup, this is an ideal situation! However, this is often not the case. In many relationships, one person in the couple finds themselves wanting a prenup, while the other one is resistant or hesitant.
If you’ve found yourself in a bit of a bind, this article is for you. If your partner has said no to a prenup, remaining calm, cool, and collected will help you as you determine the next steps. Approaching this sensitive subject can often be stressful, but we’re here to help.
In this article, we’ll explore the reasons your partner may resist a prenup, how to approach the conversation, and tips and tricks to guide you through the prenup discussion process.
Reasons Partners Reject Prenups: Things to Consider Before Asking your Partner
If your partner has said no to a prenup, the first thing you should do is take a step back. Responding abruptly or aggressively will set the tone for a larger argument, making matters much worse. We believe it is important to try to relate how your partner feels to help better understand how to deal with the situation.
There are quite a few common reasons that your partner may have rejected the idea of a prenup. By better understanding how your partner feels about the prenup idea, you’ll be able to help assure them that this is not the case.
Your Partner Feels Blindsided
If you’re already engaged, chances are you’re both excited about the upcoming marriage. Often, people wait too long to bring up the idea of a prenup until the last minute. This can make your partner feel blindsided. If possible, bring up the discussion of a prenup agreement sooner rather than later.
Ideally, you should bring up the idea of a prenuptial agreement at least three to six months from your wedding date. Bringing up the prenup right before the wedding causes additional stress on both parties when you’re likely to be busy planning a million other things. This part of the discussion also requires some consideration on your part. Is your partner one to need lots of time to process and think things through? If so, your best bet is to give them adequate time to sleep on the idea and avoid blindsiding them last minute.
Bad Timing
Did you bring up your prenup when your partner has just gotten home after a long day at work? Or did you attempt to bring up a prenup through a message or text? As you approach the topic of a prenuptial agreement, timing is important to consider. Catching your partner at a bad time can lead them to instantly reject the idea.
We recommend considering the best time to approach your partner deeply. Never bring up the idea when your partner is busy, distracted, stressed, or not physically in person. Setting the stage for a mature, realistic discussion is the best setting to bring up the idea of a prenuptial agreement.
Just like timing before the wedding is important to consider, the time of the day you approach your partner matters too. This also comes down to knowing your partner. Is your partner a better thinker in the morning, or are they tired and groggy in the morning? Consider these personal traits when determining the best time to approach them about a prenuptial agreement.
Your Partner Doesn’t Understand Prenups
Many people simply don’t understand prenups. Perhaps they’ve heard the word thrown around by older people, but they haven’t given it much thought. Before your partner can decide about a prenup, they need to be properly educated! Be open and honest with your partner, without making them feel stupid for not knowing what a prenup means.
We recommend thoroughly reading up on prenup agreements before you bring up the idea to your partner. A prenup is not an idea that should be lightly thrown around, as it is a serious contract to protect your future. Therefore, you should avoid making jokes or engaging in light discussions about the topic. Every discussion should be taken seriously.
Reading up in advance can help you prepare to answer questions your partner may have. It is important to make them feel like you’re a team, not two opponents against each other. You may even wish to offer to research prenups together as a couple.
Debunk Common Misconceptions About Prenups
There are so many misconceptions and myths surrounding prenups. Many of these hold little to no truth at all! Often, people have preconceived notions or ideas around prenups that they’ve picked up from the media. The media is not a good source on which to base your opinions of off!
As you approach your partner about a prenup, inform yourself on these common prenups and why they hold no truth. This will prepare you with a rebuttal in the event your partner brings up one of these misconceptions.
The myths surrounding prenups go on and on! Some of the most common misconceptions about prenups include:
- They’re only for rich or ultra-wealthy people
- They’re one-sided or for the benefit of only one person in the relationship
- They cost too much money
- They suggest you don’t have confidence in the relationship
- They always end in divorce
- They’re not enforced in court
- They’re a waste of time
Your Partner Views Prenups as a Waste of Time or Money
Perhaps your partner is fine with the idea of a prenup, they just don’t feel like being bothered. This can happen, especially in situations where they feel like it simply would be a waste of time or money. In these instances, it’s important to educate your partner on how easy and simple creating a prenuptial agreement can be.
HelloPrenup offers affordable and straightforward prenups to make your life easy. In addition, prenups can help you save on costly expenses associated with legal fees in the event of a divorce. Plus, if you do get divorced, you will spend far more time on legal battles to separate your assets than the time you will spend creating a prenup. Again, it is important to remind your partner that the prenup idea is a “back up” plan, and does not suggest that you’ll ever need to use it.
Discussing the Prenup: Tips and Approaches
A Prenup Benefits Both Parties
Too often, prenup discussions focus on the negative aspects of a prenup. However, a prenup can offer numerous benefits for both people in a relationship. If your partner has said no to a prenup, you’ll want to remind them of these important benefits:
A Prenup Benefits Both Parties: Remember to explain to your partner that a prenup is not all about you! In fact, you can remind them that you are bringing up a prenup to protect them too. If you and your partner have a large difference in salary and wealth, the partner making less money can take the prenup as a personal attack. They may think you’re trying to withhold money for them, or even suggest they’re even marrying you just for money.
In these instances, it is important to be clear on your intentions. While this is one of the most difficult prenup issues to work through, it is certainly possible with good conversation techniques.
Special Circumstances
When you bring up the idea of a prenup, it’s also important to state why you believe it is a smart move. Perhaps you have special circumstances, which may include children from a previous marriage, specific types of assets, a business, or other things which could get complicated in the event of a divorce.
Perhaps you anticipate a large inheritance or life-change during the marriage. Do you have lots of student debt that you don’t want to burden your partner with? There are so many reasons why people choose to sign a prenuptial agreement. Whatever your reasoning, it is important to clearly delineate this reasoning to your partner. Expressing this in a calm, gentle manner can help make discussions regarding prenups easier for both people in a relationship.
The Prenup is a Back-Up Plan
Your partner may be upset by the idea of a prenup because they feel it is suggesting that you think the marriage will fail. However, a prenup should not be viewed that way. Divorce is (painfully) common in the society we live in today. Therefore, preparing a prenup before marriage does not at all suggest you think the marriage is going to fail.
A prenup for a marriage can be explained similarly to an insurance policy. While you hope your home never burns to the ground in a house fire, it is important to have homeowner’s insurance to protect yourself in the unlikely event. The same goes for writing a prenup. While you hope to never need it, it’s great to have it in place to make your life smoother in the event of a divorce.
Final Thoughts
Approaching the topic of a prenuptial agreement can get sticky. No matter how long you’ve been together, addressing the concept is often a cause of argument among couples who disagree. If your partner has negative thoughts about a prenup, you still have a chance to change their mind.
Consider the tips and tricks mentioned in this article as you approach the idea of a prenup. With strategic timing, gentle language, and the right approach, getting your partner to agree to a prenup agreement is not impossible. Remember the bottom line: a prenup is a smart investment to protect both you and your partner.
Julia Rodgers is HelloPrenup’s CEO and Co-Founder. She is a Massachusetts family law attorney and true believer in the value of prenuptial agreements. HelloPrenup was created with the goal of automating the prenup process, making it more collaborative, time efficient and cost effective. Julia believes that a healthy marriage is one in which couples can openly communicate about finances and life goals. You can read more about us here Questions? Reach out to Julia directly at [email protected].
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