It’s one of the most contentious topics before the wedding ceremony: the prenup. A prenuptial agreement, often seen as a practical solution for protecting assets, can stir up deep emotions. Those emotions can lead one partner to push back on the idea, seeing it as a lack of trust or a signal of doubt about the marriage itself. But a prenuptial agreement isn’t just a financial contract—it’s a psychological contract, too. If you find yourself facing resistance from your partner, it’s worth considering the emotional and relational dynamics involved.
This article explores what may be driving your partner’s resistance and offers strategies for navigating these sensitive waters. We’ll look at why some partners feel uneasy about prenups, how that resistance shows up, and how both of you can approach the conversation in a way that fosters psychological safety, trust, and mutual respect.
The emotional underpinning of prenup resistance
Very few people go through the prenup process without experiencing some emotion. What may seem like a legal or financial process is actually a loaded subject with significant emotional weight. Why do you think so many people avoid it altogether? Let’s look at the common drivers of resistance in the prenup process:
- Distrust
If a partner believes that a prenup signals a lack of trust, they’ll understandably push back. They may view signing a prenup as anticipating failure—or worse, expecting a breakup. For some, this fear can tap into deeper insecurities from childhood or past relationships.
- Economic power and vulnerability
Prenups are about money—and for many people, money brings up feelings of vulnerability. If your partner has less financial “power,” they may worry that signing a prenup puts them at a disadvantage or leaves them dependent. If they’ve experienced financial instability or been in a relationship with an uneven power dynamic, their resistance may stem from real fears about repeating that experience.
- Cultural and familial influences
Cultural background and family dynamics—both current and past—play a major role in how we approach marriage and financial decisions. In some families and cultures, prenuptial agreements are considered unnecessary or even offensive. Your partner’s resistance may reflect those beliefs, or it may come from the anxiety of having to defend the decision to family and loved ones.
- The emotional weight of ‘what ifs’
Many of us live by the mantra, “Don’t borrow trouble.” For your partner, talking through all the “what ifs” might feel emotionally overwhelming. The prenup conversation requires imagining scenarios that don’t align with their hopes or dreams for the marriage, especially at a time when emotions are already heightened (like right before the wedding). These conversations can feel like a threat to their vision of a long, loving partnership, and it’s normal to want to avoid that feeling.
How to work with the resistance and build emotional safety
So, how do you approach a partner who is resistant to a prenup? The key is to build psychological safety—an environment where both partners feel emotionally secure and respected as they navigate the conversation.
- Approach the conversation with empathy
Before diving back into the discussion about a prenuptial agreement, take the time to understand your partner’s point of view and what their emotional experience may be in these conversations.
But, how? Use active listening and listen to not only their words but also their body language. You can even ask them specific questions about what feelings and thoughts are coming up for them, so you can better understand.
- Share the purpose behind the prenup
The way you frame the prenup process is essential! Being clear on what the prenup is for can reduce stress, provide clarity, and shift the focus away from distrust to practical benefits. Share out loud what you hope a prenup (and the conversations) will achieve for your relationship. Examples include the opportunity to address roles in the relationship, how to handle conflict, or honoring what asset each person is bringing.
- Validate the emotional experience
It’s powerful to name the emotions that come up. Create room not only to identify the feelings but also to be curious about why they’re coming up. This allows the opportunity to support each other when fears, anxiety, or frustration arise rather than letting them fester.
Check in often with your partner to hear what may be uncomfortable for them and share your feelings as well. By being intentional about these check-ins, you’re telling each other that your priority is still each other.
- Suggest a Neutral Third Party
If emotions are running high or you find it challenging to have this conversation alone, consider bringing in a neutral third party, such as a therapist or financial advisor, to help facilitate the discussion. A therapist, in particular, can help address the emotional concerns around a prenup and ensure that both partners feel heard and respected.
Timing and how it can help with resistance
Timing isn’t everything, but when it comes to prenups, it can make or break how the conversation unfolds. Bringing up a prenuptial agreement early in the relationship—or at least early in the engagement—gives both partners the space and time to process, reflect, and ask questions without pressure. It shifts the tone from urgency to intentionality and communicates that you value open communication and future planning—not that you’re trying to protect yourself at your partner’s expense.
Here are a few tips for when and how to bring it up in a way that promotes psychological safety:
- Don’t spring it on them
Avoid bringing up a prenup during a conflict or at a moment of emotional vulnerability. Choose a time when you’re both calm, connected, and have enough space to focus. This is not a five-minute conversation between errands—it deserves time and care. - Revisit the conversation over time
This is rarely a one-and-done talk. If your partner feels rushed, it’s likely to increase their resistance. Approaching it as a series of conversations—some exploratory, some logistical—can normalize the topic and reduce emotional intensity. You might start with a general discussion about shared values, goals, and financial expectations, then work your way toward more specific legal agreements. - Give room for autonomy and consent
True psychological safety comes from knowing you have agency. Let your partner know that their feelings, opinions, and needs matter. At the end of the day, each partner has the power to sign or not to sign. When a prenup is approached as a collaborative process, not a foregone conclusion, it becomes an opportunity to build trust rather than
Final thoughts: How to overcome resistance in the prenup process with psychological safety
When a partner is reluctant or resistant to a prenuptial agreement, it’s rarely just about legal details. More often, it’s about what the prenup represents—trust, power, fear, and the possibility of loss. Ultimately, resistance is a signal, not a stop sign. It points to something worth exploring together. If you meet the prenup process with empathy, patience, and well-timed conversations, it becomes more than a legal agreement. It becomes an opportunity to strengthen your foundation and deepen the trust that will carry your marriage forward.
Dr. Vivian Oberling is a licensed clinical psychologist with degrees from UCLA, Harvard, and Stanford. In her private telehealth practice, she works with adults navigating anxiety, identity shifts, and relationship dynamics—whether they’re dating, partnered, or parenting. She also provides executive coaching and behavioral health advisory support to tech startups and legal tools reshaping how we think about love, marriage, and psychological safety. Dr. Oberling combines 10+ years of clinical expertise with modern, real-world insight to help people move through uncertainty with clarity and connection.
0 Comments