Since the first “test tube” baby, Louise Brown, was born in Oldham, England, in July 1978, more than 8 million babies have been brought into the world using IVF. With infertility affecting millions of Americans in the US (at some point in their lives), assisted reproductive technology (ART) procedures can be considered God-sent.
But what happens when God is brought into the picture? With the rise of ART procedures, the moral questions surrounding the process have amplified: When does life begin? Is it a sin to destroy a fertilized egg? What defines a parent? What rights does a donor have or not have? The questions only increase and expand as science and technology advances.
Now, imagine being an individual relying on ART procedures to fulfill a dream – a dream of having a biological child. Taking the time and effort to reconcile your religious beliefs with your fertility treatment can help protect your emotional well-being in the process.
What are the religious mismatches?
Different religions have varied perspectives on fertility and the use of medical interventions to assist in conception. Here are some general points to give you a lay of the land across various religions:
Christianity
- Catholicism:
- Generally, it opposes fertility treatments that replace the marriage act to conceive (like IVF or artificial insemination).
- Allows fertility treatments that assist the marital act, like certain hormonal treatments or surgeries.
- Heavily focuses on the “sanctity of life” and strongly opposes embryo destruction.
- Protestantism:
- Views on fertility treatments can vary widely.
- Some denominations may allow IVF and artificial insemination, while others may disagree.
- Importance is placed more on the intention behind the treatment and the welfare of potential offspring.
Judaism
- Orthodox Judaism:
- Generally supports fertility treatments if they align with Jewish law (Halacha).
- If a donor sperm or egg is used, concerns can arise about the child’s Jewish identity based on the donor egg or sperm’s lineage. This is because Jewish identity traditionally follows the maternal line (a.k.a., if the birth mother is Jewish, the child is also Jewish).
- Emphasizes consultation with a knowledgeable rabbi.
- Conservative and Reform Judaism:
- Tend to be more open to a wider range of fertility treatments.
- Focus on the desire to procreate and the importance of family.
Islam
- Supports fertility treatments as long as they involve the husband and wife only.
- Prohibits third-party donors for eggs or sperm.
- Highly encourages consulting with religious scholars to ensure compliance with Islamic law.
Hinduism
- Generally supportive of fertility treatments to fulfill the desire for children.
- Emphasizes the importance of ethical considerations and respect for life.
- Encourages prayer and spiritual practices alongside medical treatment.
Buddhism
- No explicit prohibitions against fertility treatments.
- Emphasizes compassion, mindfulness, and the ethical implications of treatment choices.
- Encourages individuals to consider the impact of treatments on all involved.
Remember, these are all general and overarching bullet points. There are always exceptions or deviations based on location, religious leader, denomination, etc. Take the time to research your and your partner’s specific religion and cultural background.
Common fertility treatments: Yay or nay?
| In Vitro Fertilization (IVF) | Artificial Insemination | Use of Donor Gametes | Surrogacy | |
| Buddhism | Supports | Often Accepts | Accepts (if ethical & consent given) | Accepts (if ethical & respect for all parties involved) |
| Catholicism | Opposes | Opposes (if uses donor sperm) | Opposes | Opposes |
| Hinduism | Supports | Often Accepts | Accepts (if ethical & consent given) | Accepts (if ethical & respect for all parties involved) |
| Islam | May Support (if both sperm & egg from married couple) | Acceptable (if sperm is from husband) | Generally Opposes | Generally Opposes |
| Judaism | May Support (if both sperm & egg from married couple) | Acceptable (if sperm is from husband) | Generally Opposes | Varies |
| Protestantism | Varies | Varies | Varies | Varies |
What do I do if my religion doesn’t support the fertility treatments I want?!
It’s easy to say: “Just take time and think about it, and surely you’ll reconcile all the mismatches.” But that would be a lie. Reconciling religious beliefs with modern fertility treatments is a mammoth task; on the one hand, you hold teachings & beliefs that likely haven’t changed in hundreds of years, and on the other hand, cutting-edge, medical interventions that are always changing.
At the end of the day, this is a personal journey and choice. Be open to receiving support, hearing others’ (trusted) experiences, and doing your research… but at the end of the day, you and your partner are the ones who will live with the choice.
Strategies to utilize in reconciling beliefs
If you’re taking on the task of reconciling your religion and your desired fertility treatments, you’ll need some tools in your tool belt. Consider the following strategies:
Communication
Be open and honest with yourself, your partner, family members, or your religious community. Don’t forget to ask the hard questions. Ask for others’ opinions and what they would do. Then, use that information to help you make your own decision.
Finally, schedule chats with your partner or other support systems. Finding these conversations to be hard? Schedule a weekly time to check and talk. This can be with your partner, a religious leader, or yourself.
Learn from religious leaders
Find some religious leaders you respect and can trust with this difficult topic. Here are some other tips on maximizing knowledge from religious leaders:
- Explore Other Religions: Talk to more than one religious leader in your religion and outside of it. Catholic? Speak to a rabbi and a monk. Doing so can help widen your knowledge and provide alternative perspectives.
- Ask Why: Utilize the opportunity to ask questions to better understand how each religion aligns or doesn’t align with the treatments you’re pursuing. Don’t hold back – learn why it is or isn’t aligned.
- Religion or Institution? If possible, try to talk to scholars or read academic books and articles about your religion. Religious teachings may or may not be changed through a specific institution. Also, take the opportunity to speak to various religious leaders across various institutions (e.g., speak to 3 different priests at different parishes).
Consider ethical and moral viewpoints
Take the time to reflect deeply on the ethical and moral implications of your (chosen) fertility treatment. What are you okay with, and what makes you pause? Private decisions and public dilemmas are a quick read and can help start this introspective process.
Can you pinpoint your current values? How do they align or misalign with your religious beliefs and/or fertility treatment? Attention to detail is key. For example, your religion may support IVF, but its teachings oppose the destruction of unused embryos. What would you do in that situation? What if a fatal genetic abnormality is discovered? Chase down these scenarios to make sure you cover your moral and ethical bases.
Explore alternative options
If you’re earlier in the process, brainstorm all the alternative options. Even options that would never do, just write them down. Then, remove any alternatives you and your partner won’t consider.
Those alternatives that you tossed? Ask yourself why those were not viable options for you both. Those that remain? Ask yourself why those are viable options. Ask others (family, friends, specialists, religious leaders) for alternative options. You don’t need to decide whether to consider them yet; just gather a list and use other people’s brainpower!
Imagine the future
Lean into guided imagery. For example, take one option (e.g., moving forward with IVF, following religious beliefs, and forgoing surrogacy) and fast forward your life five and then ten years. What do you imagine your life to look like?
Then, go even further. Imagine it’s decades from now, and you’re about to attend your retirement party, your bon voyage (or how about your 100th birthday!) Imagine it’s time for toasts – who do you imagine is there, and what do they say about you? Do they talk about you as a parent? A religious person?
Become an advocate for your health
Make sure you are considering your health through all of this, too. Here are some tips on how to do that:
- Write down all your questions: Do this between appointments with your doctor and/or fertility specialist. We are huge fans of keeping a running note on your phone, so you don’t have to worry about losing it or forgetting to bring it to your appointment.
- Ask your questions: Doctors and specialists… seem to be always running from one appointment to another. But don’t be afraid to take your time—that is why you have the appointment.
- Don’t be afraid to push back: If you don’t understand or didn’t get an answer to your question, respectfully pause your provider and ask for what you need.
- Bring in backup: Need a little support? Bring in your partner, or another loved one who can play the “bad guy” role to ask your questions.
Build a support system
Religion is a coping strategy that many people turn to in rough times. Consider what you would add to your coping repertoire if religion were less prominent in your life. Next, assess your current support system (friends, family, and professional). Does it feel sufficient? If not, consider joining support groups with others who share similar experiences (like Resolve, Infertility Unfiltered, So You’re Deconstructing…, or Evolving Faith)
And most importantly, make sure to lean on your support system. A support system is there to… support. If there was ever a time to utilize them, this is it. Let them get your mind off things, hug you, cook for you, or see you cry.
Don’t avoid your feelings
Feel all the feels. Your feelings may feel like they’re all over the place, and that’s okay! Be angry, frustrated, sad, relieved, anxious… all are valid. If it’s helpful, keep a feeling log or carve out space to be in your emotions. Try behavioral activation if you notice your feelings are beginning to overwhelm you and impact your daily functioning. This is a technique that is powerful for those dealing with depression, but is equally useful for any of us dealing with stress.
Most importantly–Don’t do it alone. Need a neutral sounding board? Someone who has the expertise but no skin in the game? An individual therapist or counselor can be that person. They’ll create a safe space for you to work cognitively through this process and help with the emotional experience. Pro Tip: Look for a provider who has experience with infertility, ART, religious questioning, and/or religious deconstruction.
Takeaways
Navigating the intersection of religious beliefs and modern fertility treatment can be a core-shaking and deeply personal journey for a couple. By engaging in real and honest conversation, seeking guidance from religious leaders and medical experts, and considering the impacts (ethical, moral, and value-wise), couples can make informed decisions that will (hopefully) honor both their faith and their desire to start a family.
And while for many, they may successfully reconcile their beliefs and their fertility journey, for others, this may be a process of grief and closure. Grieving how or to what degree religion plays a role in their life and identity, or saying goodbye to a fertility path. Remember that you’re not alone. Many have faced similar challenges and have created communities to support each other. Lean on those supports (and each other!) to navigate this complex journey together.
Dr. Vivian Oberling is a licensed clinical psychologist with degrees from UCLA, Harvard, and Stanford. In her private telehealth practice, she works with adults navigating anxiety, identity shifts, and relationship dynamics—whether they’re dating, partnered, or parenting. She also provides executive coaching and behavioral health advisory support to tech startups and legal tools reshaping how we think about love, marriage, and psychological safety. Dr. Oberling combines 10+ years of clinical expertise with modern, real-world insight to help people move through uncertainty with clarity and connection.
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