The butterflies, the high highs, the euphoric feeling when you’ve found “your person.” Most of us know this to be the honeymoon phase of a relationship. Now, people have lots of opinions and advice – “If you’re really in love, this phase lasts forever!” to “You don’t know your partner until after the honeymoon phase.”
My advice? Avoid drawing conclusions about the relationship based on the “honeymoon” phase and normalize that it’s a stage of marriage, and like any stage, begins and ends.
What is the honeymoon phase?
Before discussing this stage’s end, let’s describe the general experience. The honeymoon phase typically refers to the beginning of a relationship when everything just feels perfect. During this time, couples often experience:
- Intense emotions: High highs, like passion, adoration, excitement, and a deep connection, make everything feel exhilarating and new.
- Rose-colored glasses: Couples tend to idealize and see each other in an overly positive light. They may overlook flaws or find things that are generally annoying to be “cute” or “sweet.”
- Physical attraction: High levels of sexual attraction and intimacy.
The length of a honeymoon period can last anywhere from a few months to a few years.
When does the honeymoon period usually end?
Each couple has their own timeline, so the end of the honeymoon stage varies based on the people in the relationship. But there are several factors that we often see connected to the end (or near the end) of the honeymoon stage:
Time
If you’ve been dating for 6 months to 2-ish years, you may be approaching the end of this stage.
Life Events
Major life events – moving, career change, babies – can shift priorities and launch a couple out of the honeymoon phase. Events that introduce change in the daily structure and move the focus to things outside the relationship tend to help couples progress out of the honeymoon stage.
Stressors
It’s no surprise that stress tends to dampen lovey-doveyness. Increased worries or anxiety from financial concerns, health problems, or caregiving can impact the emotional and physical connection to your partner.
(Normal) Conflict
The longer you’re married, the more likely you and your partner will face challenges and conflicts. This is normal! With experiences, a little sheen may come off the marriage and your partner to reveal more of a realistic picture of your lives together.
Expectations
We all have expectations in life, and realistically, all those expectations can’t be met. The more aligned you are before marriage, the longer your honeymoon period may be. That’s because you’re both on the same page, and it’s less likely unwanted surprises will pop up and ruin the honeymoon vibes.
What can I do?
Google the term “honeymoon period,” and you’ll find lots of articles on how to stay in the honeymoon period or “reignite” the spark. However, we’re all for normalizing that the honeymoon period is only one chapter of your marriage, and while a lovely one, it isn’t the only good part!
So instead of thinking, “How can I keep the honeymoon stage alive,” let’s shift to “How can we handle the transition together?”
- Share: Share your honest feelings. Focus on labeling your feelings, and I statements to minimize any feelings of judgment.
- Validate: Acknowledge the change and validate the feelings that arise. Something like, “I’m going to miss the honeymoon period” can be met with agreement (“me, too”) or validation (“Yeah, it will be different”).
- Identify: As you share your feelings, explore what you each will miss most. Can you still have that in your marriage, but in a slightly different form? For example, excitement may not come from the butterflies of dating someone new but from doing something new with your spouse.
- Prioritize Connection: Be intentional about your time together. If the honeymoon phase is transitioning out due to life events or stressors, that could also mean less 1:1 time together. For example, connect through date nights, conversations, or even daily chores!
- Look On The Bright Side: Focus your attention on your future. Plan, dream, and discuss what you want to achieve and do together. This helps build a sense of hope and excitement that balances out loss or sadness in the transition from the honeymoon period.
But is this normal?
Normal is relative, but if you find yourself navigating high levels of sadness, stress, or conflict in the relationship, there may be more than just a change in the stage of marriage.
Ask yourself:
- Do I feel sad most of the day, many days a week?
- Do I feel a profound loneliness even when we’re together?
- Are we always fighting?
- Do I worry about my safety?
- Am I so worried that it makes it hard to think about anything else?
- Has my or my spouse’s behavior significantly changed, where it’s like we’re entirely different people?
If you answer yes to some or many of these questions, it may be helpful to get support. Contact a therapist, trusted friend, family member, or the national Crisis Line.
Final thoughts
The honeymoon period is one of the most idealized and romanticized stages in a relationship, but it’s not the only chapter in the marriage journey. Many couples may fear the end of this stage and worry that it will mean a decline in their relationship. But that’s not true! The transition is an opportunity for growth, a deeper connection, and a whole new adventure with your chosen partner.
It’s a time for each couple to learn more about navigating change, communicating openly, and maintaining the values they find important in their relationship. Embracing this evolution of your marriage can lead to a fulfilling and rich foundation for you both. Focus on the future and look forward to the changes life brings you together.
Dr. Vivian Oberling is a licensed clinical psychologist with degrees from UCLA, Harvard, and Stanford. In her private telehealth practice, she works with adults navigating anxiety, identity shifts, and relationship dynamics—whether they’re dating, partnered, or parenting. She also provides executive coaching and behavioral health advisory support to tech startups and legal tools reshaping how we think about love, marriage, and psychological safety. Dr. Oberling combines 10+ years of clinical expertise with modern, real-world insight to help people move through uncertainty with clarity and connection.
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