Whether you’ve been together for six months or years, romance is essential to a healthy relationship. Most people may not realize that romance can look different across the stages of your relationship, and it takes work. But that excitement and mystery can be maintained through something as simple as talking.
Asking each other romantic, thoughtful questions can help—they allow you and your partner to grow closer, deepen your bond, and keep that spark burning bright, no matter where you are in your relationship.
Try these questions to ignite those warm, fuzzy feelings on your next date night or before bed.
Pretend you’re dating again for the first time questions
Reignite the excitement of those early days and discover new things about each other as you evolve. Here are some first-date-like questions you can try out:
- What is your perfect day?
- What’s one thing about me that makes you smile?
- What’s something about you I don’t know?
- What’s one thing you’ve always wanted us to try together?
- When did you realize you were in love with me?
- What do you remember about our first date?
Dream together questions
Shed the responsibilities of life and spend time with your partner daydreaming. Here are some questions to ignite the future-looking conversation:
- If you could have one thing happen or change tomorrow, what would it be?
- If money wasn’t an issue, where or what would we be doing together?
- If you could live anywhere in the world, money aside, where would you live?
- What’s your/our dream trip?
- What are three things on your bucket list?
- What does your dream home look like?
- What’s a wild dream you (or we) haven’t pursued yet?
Share-a-secret questions
We all have secrets and things we keep to ourselves. In general, being vulnerable and disclosing (in a safe environment) can promote closeness, intimacy, and understanding. Here are some questions to provoke a safe, secret-sharing environment:
- What’s something you’ve never told anyone?
- Is there a dream or goal that feels scary to say out loud?
- What’s a childhood memory you hold close to?
- Who is someone you owe an apology to? Why haven’t you given it?
- What is a heartbreak you’ve experienced?
- What’s one of your biggest fears?
- What is something you’ve always wanted to tell me but didn’t know how I’d react?
- What’s something you’re proud of but haven’t told me or anyone else?
Vulnerability is uncomfortable, and you may experience that as you’re sharing things you’ve never shared. That discomfort may also arise after (something I like to call a vulnerability hangover), but it will become easier with time and practice.
That being said, trust yourself about what feels safe and what doesn’t; some secrets may take more time (or never) to feel comfortable enough to share.
Learning to prioritize each other questions
Life is busy – the day can fill up, and the years can fly by. Prioritizing each other will maintain a strong foundation for you to keep the romance alive. Here are some questions to ask your partner to help learn how to prioritize them better:
- How would you describe your (current) love language?
- What do you wish you could change about your life?
- What matters most to you right now?
- How can we spend more quality time together?
- When do you feel closest to me?
- Is there something I can do for you that would make your life easier?
Intimacy questions
Romance isn’t just about intimacy but being *intimate* is a form of romance. Research even backs this up – talking about your intimate needs and desires is connected with relationship satisfaction. Here are some ways to talk about this topic:
- Is there anything you’d like to try that we haven’t explored yet?
- How do you feel about the frequency of us being intimate?
- How can I make you feel more comfortable in talking about our intimacy?
- What turns you on the most now?
- What do you wish we did less of?
- What’s something you’re curious about but have felt shy about bringing up?
- How and when do you want to have more physical affection? Less of it?
Fun questions to get you laughing together
Sometimes, romance is about having fun and giggling together. Asking each other funny or silly questions can help make you both laugh and remember why you love each other. Here are some fun and random questions to giggle with your boo:
- If you could only eat one food for the rest of your life, what would it be and why?
- What’s the most ridiculous thing you’ve ever believed?
- If you could be any animal for a day, what would you be and what would you do?
- If we were to write a cheesy rom-com movie about our relationship, what would the title be, and what ridiculous scene would have to be in it?
- If we could switch lives with another couple for a week, who would it be and why?
- If we won the lottery, what’s the first ridiculous thing we would buy?
- If our lives were a sitcom, what would the theme song be?
Financial questions
Okay, hear us out. While these may not be your typical romantic questions, practicality can be sexy, and deeply understanding your partner in all aspects of life IS romantic. Here are some lighter financial questions you can ask your partner to get the convo flowing:
- If we had a surprise $10,000 (or $100,000 or $1,000,000) right now, what would you do with it?
- What’s a small, affordable thing we could do this month to treat ourselves?
- Is there anything you’re worried about financially?
- If you could magically pay off one debt, which would it be and why?
- What’s one financial goal we could work towards together this year?
- What does financial security look like to you?
- What’s one thing you’d love to splurge on in the future when we have more financial freedom?
Why these questions matter
Asking these thoughtful, fun, intimate, and sometimes vulnerable questions will help maintain and deepen your romance. It can foster a deep emotional connection, open the lines of communication, and help you feel seen by each other.
Asking romantic questions isn’t just about uncovering hidden truths or sparking playful banter; it’s about nurturing the bond that makes your partnership unique. These conversations can help you rediscover each other, find new ways to connect and show your partner that you value each other. Nothing is more romantic than that! (Okay, a sunset dinner with delicious food is romantic, too.)
No matter how long you’ve been together, take the time and ask the questions. Your relationship will thank you for it.
Dr. Vivian Oberling is a licensed clinical psychologist with degrees from UCLA, Harvard, and Stanford. In her private telehealth practice, she works with adults navigating anxiety, identity shifts, and relationship dynamics—whether they’re dating, partnered, or parenting. She also provides executive coaching and behavioral health advisory support to tech startups and legal tools reshaping how we think about love, marriage, and psychological safety. Dr. Oberling combines 10+ years of clinical expertise with modern, real-world insight to help people move through uncertainty with clarity and connection.
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