There’s a reason couples flock to quizzes that promise to reveal their compatibility—it’s fun, it sparks conversation, and it often feels safer than diving straight into heavy relationship topics.
When grounded in psychological research, compatibility quizzes can be a surprisingly enlightening tool for highlighting areas of strength and uncovering blind spots in your relationship. The key is to use them as conversation starters, not final verdicts.
Drs. John and Julie Gottman have studied couples for over 40 years, analyzing what makes relationships thrive or fall apart. Their research, including the landmark Love Lab studies, has been published widely in peer-reviewed journals and books. One of their central findings? It’s not about whether you fight, but how you fight, how you repair, and how you stay emotionally connected.
So, if you’re curious about how you and your partner measure up (not in a “pass/fail” way, but in a learning-and-growth way), the following quiz draws directly from Gottman’s research.
**Important note: This quiz is educational. It is not diagnostic, nor does it replace therapy. If you have concerns about your relationship, consider working with a licensed couples therapist.**
The couple’s compatibility quiz
Instructions:
- Answer these questions individually, then share and discuss your responses together.
- Give yourself one point for each “yes.”
Part 1: Knowing your partner (Love Maps)
- I can name my partner’s closest friends.
- I know my partner’s current stresses.
- I am familiar with my partner’s life dreams.
- I know what my partner values most in life.
- I can describe my partner’s favorite way to relax.
Why it matters: This is referred to as a “Love Map”—the mental representation you carry of your partner’s inner world. Couples with strong Love Maps tend to be more resilient because they stay emotionally connected even when life gets messy.
Part 2: Fondness and admiration
- I can easily tell my partner things I appreciate about them.
- I feel respected by my partner.
- We still laugh together regularly.
- My partner often expresses affection.
- I feel proud to be in this relationship.
Why it matters: Fondness and admiration are like the immune system of a relationship. Gottman’s research shows that when couples maintain admiration, they’re better able to handle conflict without slipping into contempt, one of the ‘Four Horsemen’ of a relationship and a strong predictor of divorce.
Part 3: Turning toward instead of away
- When I reach out—through touch, humor, or a small comment—my partner usually responds.
- We share rituals of connection (morning coffee, evening walks, etc.).
- My partner shows interest in the things I care about, even if they’re small.
- We often check in with each other throughout the day.
- When I’m upset, I feel my partner tries to comfort me.
Why it matters: These are described as “bids for connection.” Strong couples turn toward those bids, not away from them. Over time, consistent small gestures matter more than grand declarations.
Part 4: Conflict and repair
- Even when we disagree, I feel heard.
- We’re able to de-escalate arguments before they spiral.
- One or both of us tries to repair the conflict with humor, a kind word, or a pause.
- We can talk about difficult topics without name-calling or stonewalling.
- After fights, we’re able to move on without holding grudges.
Why it matters: It’s not whether you fight, but how you fight. Couples who use repair attempts (anything that diffuses tension and signals “we’re okay”) are much more likely to stay together.
Part 5: Shared meaning and values
- We share similar views on money, family, or spirituality—or we can discuss our differences respectfully.
- We support each other’s personal growth and goals.
- We’ve talked about our vision for the future and feel aligned.
- We agree on how to handle major life decisions (kids, careers, home).
- I feel like we’re on the same team.
Why it matters: Gottman emphasizes the importance of creating shared meaning; in other words, building a life story together where values, rituals, and dreams are intertwined.
Scoring and interpretation
This quiz is for entertainment and reflection only. It is not a validated test, diagnostic tool, or substitute for therapy. The scores below are intended to spark conversation and help you reflect on areas of strength and places where you might want to invest more attention.
21–25 points: You likely have deep knowledge, respect, and alignment. Keep nurturing these habits.
16–20 points: You know each other well and have a solid foundation, but some areas could benefit from more intentional care. Are you skipping repair attempts or losing track of each other’s inner worlds?
11–15 points: You have meaningful strengths, but some recurring challenges may need more focus. Addressing them now can prevent unhelpful patterns from hardening.
0–10 points: This doesn’t mean the relationship is doomed. It simply suggests that without intentional effort, disconnection may grow. The good news: awareness is the first step toward change.
Disclaimer: If your results leave you feeling concerned or stuck, consider reaching out to a licensed couples therapist—ideally someone trained in the Gottman Method. Professional support can provide personalized tools and guidance that no quiz can replace.
How to use your results
A quiz score by itself doesn’t mean much; what matters is how you use the insights to strengthen your relationship.
- Talk, don’t tally: Use the quiz as a springboard for conversation, not a scoreboard.
- Identify growth areas: Pick one or two sections where you scored lower and make a plan. For example, if “Love Maps” is low, commit to weekly check-ins where you ask open-ended questions.
- Practice micro-moments: Repair attempts, affection, and small daily bids build resilience over time. You don’t always need to make a significant shift; small, everyday moments are just as powerful.
- Seek support if needed: If you scored low or high, couples therapy can always help. Trained therapists can guide couples in identifying areas for growth and help them develop the necessary skills.
The goal isn’t a perfect score—it’s building awareness, staying curious about each other, and making small, consistent investments that add up to a lasting connection.
Final thoughts: Compatibility is built, not found
At the end of the day, compatibility isn’t static—it’s a dynamic experience that shifts as couples grow and evolve. It’s not about having the “perfect” match on paper, but about maintaining curiosity, respect, and connection over time.
So rather than focusing on the score itself, pay attention to the questions you answered “no” to. Each of those is an opportunity to strengthen your relationship. How can you both practice that skill and nurture it in your everyday life? Ultimately, marriage compatibility isn’t a matter of fate. It’s a matter of practice.
Dr. Vivian Oberling is a licensed clinical psychologist with degrees from UCLA, Harvard, and Stanford. In her private telehealth practice, she works with adults navigating anxiety, identity shifts, and relationship dynamics—whether they’re dating, partnered, or parenting. She also provides executive coaching and behavioral health advisory support to tech startups and legal tools reshaping how we think about love, marriage, and psychological safety. Dr. Oberling combines 10+ years of clinical expertise with modern, real-world insight to help people move through uncertainty with clarity and connection.
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