Whether or not any of the 90-day fiance couples will make it to the altar is always a toss-up. Fans who have been following season ten are particularly skeptical if any of the seven pairs will end up saying, “I do.” However, it seems one person believes he’ll make it to the chapel and is taking precautions to ensure it all goes according to plan.
A Little Backstory
Bilal is a forty-two-year-old divorcee with two children. He hails from Kansas City, Missouri, a far cry from his fiance’s homeland of Trinidad and Tobago. In Port of Spain, thirty-seven-year-old Shaeeda teaches yoga lessons. The pair met online and became engaged after spending just one week together on the tropical island. Over the course of ten weeks of filming, however, the couple has been astoundingly difficult to watch.
Bilal and Shaeeda have visited each other’s stomping grounds. While Shaeeda simply wanted to show him her home country, Bilal had other plans. Namely, to see if she was a gold digger. As a successful real estate agent, he wants to make sure Shaeeda isn’t after his assets. He took her to his childhood house, a far cry from his current mansion, and tried to convince her that he lived there. Bilal even went so far as to procure an older vehicle that wasn’t his to drive her to his faux home. Shaeeda wasn’t impressed, at one point asking Bilal if he could even afford to buy them food. He later revealed it was a prank to test Shaeeda’s authenticity and commitment to the relationship.
If that wasn’t awkward enough, the pair frequently have on-screen arguments about significant topics about which they disagree, such as children (childless Shaeeda would love to be a mother).
At least they’re thinking about the future – but in the most recent episode, Bilal might have taken his plans a little too far.
The Ferris Wheel That Fractured the Relationship
After an underwhelming visit to Bilal’s sister in Atlanta, the couple decides to take a romantic trip on Skyview Atlanta, a mammoth Ferris wheel with an incredible skyline view of the southern metropolis. The glass floor of the ride immediately sets Shaeeda on edge. One would think that Bilal, who refers to himself as “Mr. Romantic,” would know how to turn on the charm and calm his bride-to-be. Wrong.
His proclamation of love turns out to be an email preview of the copy of the prenup he applied for. Viewers’ sharp inhales matched Shaeeda’s, who had previously squashed Bilal’s mention of a prenuptial agreement, stating that she was “adamantly opposed” to the contract. Bilal hurriedly scrolled through on his phone, then whisked a stunned Shaeeda off to a horse and carriage ride where she asked to view the agreement once more. In an on-camera interview, Bilal admitted, “If she doesn’t sign it, I really can’t see us getting to the finish line.” Looks like this couple has their work cut out for them.
What We Can Learn From Bilal and Shaeeda
90 Day Fiance is chock full of lessons; just look at Bilal and Shaeeda. They are having conversations, but not always in the best way.
There’s a time and a place to discuss important topics, like a prenuptial agreement. Blindsiding your high-height-averse partner who’s already emotional while riding a massive Ferris wheel probably isn’t the right setting or time. And Bilal knows better, stating, “It’s probably not the best time, but we got an email. The contract, the marriage contract, the prenup. I’ll show you a little bit about what it looks like.”
Shaeeda thought the contract was no longer on the table; she resolutely admitted she didn’t want one. On the other hand, Bilal said he won’t say “I do” without one. Clearly, some conversation needs to be had, though there are much better ways to go about it.
If you plan on bringing up an important topic with your partner, do so wisely. Choose a time when they’re relaxed and not stressed or facing a deadline. Rushing off to work? Leaving for a party? Probably not the best time to talk about life-altering decisions.
Additionally, consider the place. Private settings are usually better. If the conversation does go awry, having spectators can lead to embarrassment and awkwardness felt by everybody within hearing distance. Pro-tip, while your car might be private, bringing up a challenging topic on the way to a gathering with friends or family members can be brutal. You’ll likely both show up to the event emotionally frazzled and unprepared to put on a happy face.
Prenups have a history of being tricky topics to discuss. How can you bring them up without sounding like you’re not invested in the relationship and only yourself?
- Don’t wait too long. Prenuptial agreements are best discussed early on. This is even more true if they’re a dealbreaker for you.
- Don’t have high expectations. Know that this conversation might be awkward, heavy, and testing of your relationship. You might not come to an agreement during a single discussion; future convos could be required.
- Don’t be defensive. To avoid getting dumped, don’t go on the defense. Highlight to your partner how it protects both of your future selves. Definitely don’t devalue your partner’s worth and assets when discussing what things the contract might outline.
- Do be realistic. Remind your significant other that one way or another, all relationships end. Whether by divorce or death, something or someone must determine what happens to shared assets and wealth when a marriage ceases.
Talking about these things (however awkward they may be) is typically part of a healthy marriage! As long as you go about it in the right way.
The bottom line? Don’t blindside your partner with conversation topics or anything else. Not only was Bilal’s timing horrendous, but Shaeeda was shocked that he had actually contacted a lawyer and had a prenup drawn up without finishing their discussion about the agreement first, especially when they had opposite opinions on the matter.
We’re not against prenuptial agreements (obviously). They’re an excellent way to protect your future self and set healthy boundaries in a relationship. Maybe, just don’t have them covertly drawn up only to spring them on your partner during a romantic date.
Julia Rodgers is HelloPrenup’s CEO and Co-Founder. She is a Massachusetts family law attorney and true believer in the value of prenuptial agreements. HelloPrenup was created with the goal of automating the prenup process, making it more collaborative, time efficient and cost effective. Julia believes that a healthy marriage is one in which couples can openly communicate about finances and life goals. You can read more about us here Questions? Reach out to Julia directly at [email protected].