So, you’re getting married—congrats! Wedding planning includes a thousand little details, but don’t forget the first one: a prenup. And, they’re not just for the ultra-wealthy or a sign of mistrust anymore; they’re actually modern, practical tools for everyday couples like you and I. Let’s walk through each step of the prenup process, including the most important first step, so you can add this to your wedding planning to-do lit without a hitch.
First prenup step: Have “the talk” with your partner
You’ve heard it before, but we’re saying it again—communication is key! The first step to getting a prenup is to sit down with your partner and have an open, honest chat about why you want one and what you both hope to achieve. A prenup isn’t about planning for a worst-case scenario; it’s about setting a foundation of fairness, transparency, and peace of mind. And, prenups are about protecting both people, not just one person.
Here are a few pointers for your prenup convo:
- Start early, don’t rush: Don’t wait until the week before the wedding! Starting early gives you time to talk, gather your financials, and finalize everything calmly. This isn’t something you want to rush through. In fact, if you get too close to the wedding, you may have to push back the wedding, otherwise your prenup won’t be valid.
- Team Mindset: Approach it as a partnership. A prenup isn’t “me vs. you”; it’s “us.” Talk about how it can offer a marital roadmap, financial security, reduce conflict, and keep things fair.
- Reality Check: Discuss what happens without a prenup. If you’re in a community property state or an equitable distribution state, the state decides your asset split if things go south. Community property states typically split everything 50-50, whereas equitable distribution states leave much discretion up to the judge.
- Future focus: Keep it positive and future-oriented. This isn’t about mistrust or past disagreements; it’s about building a stronger, clearer future together.
- Benefits: Stay focused on all the beneficial aspects of getting a prenup, like establishing financial transparency, protecting against debt liability, protecting individual assets, preventing costly legal disputes later on, creating peace of mind, and most importantly, strengthening the relationship.
Remember, the goal of this conversation is to establish open communication and find a mutually agreeable solution–NOT to create adversity. By approaching the topic with sensitivity and understanding, you can create a stronger foundation for your future together. Win-win!
Second prenup step: Reflect on your personal goals
Before you sit down to talk prenup as a couple, take some solo time to think about what’s important to you. A prenup can help protect your individual goals and financial identity within the marriage. Here’s a little guide to get you started:
Define your priorities
What assets do you want to keep separate? Maybe you have savings you’ve built up over the years or a family heirloom you’d like to keep in the family. Or, you might have career goals that require financial flexibility.
Assess your risk tolerance
Think about how comfortable you are with debt or sharing assets. Are you okay with taking on shared debts, like a mortgage, or would you prefer to keep personal debts (like student loans) separate?
Consider future plans
What do you anticipate in your financial future? Are you expecting an inheritance? Planning to buy property or start a business? Planning to be a stay-at-home parent? Knowing your future goals can help you tailor the prenup so it adapts as your life changes.
Plan for your financial independence
If things were to go south (not that we’re planning on it!), think about what you’d need to maintain financial security. Would you want spousal support to be an option, or are you more interested in a clean financial break? Considering these options now makes for a more comprehensive prenup.
Third prenup step: Discuss goals as a couple
This step is where you both set the foundation for a fair and transparent partnership. It might feel a little daunting, but a well-thought-out prenup can provide peace of mind, mutual understanding, and financial clarity as you start your life together.
Here are some key goals to discuss:
- Joint bank accounts: Decide how you’ll handle finances together–keeping accounts totally separate or creating a joint account.
- Living expenses: Whether you’re going separate or joint accounts, planning out how living expenses will be paid can be done with a prenup.
- Property and debt ownership: Talk about who will handle what properties and assets and debts and set expectations for who owns what property. For example, who owns the home you two live in together?
- Spousal support: Discuss what should happen if you split in terms of financial support. Should one spouse be paying the other financial support of some kind?
- Gifts: How will certain gifts be handled? Whether gifts to or from third parties or interspousal gifts, who owns what? Wedding gifts? Wedding rings?
- Set Guidelines for conflict resolution: You can use a prenup to set up some guardrails for handling future disagreements, such as requiring mediation or marital counseling.
- Life and financial goals: Think big picture. Where do you see yourself in 5, 10, 15 years? Do you see yourself retiring? Do you see yourself having 10 kids? Living off the grid? Whatever the case may be, there should be a lifestyle undertone to the agreement that matches your joint goals.
- Plan for regular review and updates: commit to revisiting your prenup every few years. Life changes and your prenup can, too!
Fourth prenup step: Financial disclosure time!
It’s time to spill the beans—financially, at least. For a prenup to be valid, both partners must disclose all assets and liabilities. Yes, that includes everything from income to that random plot of land you inherited from Great Aunt Edna. Here’s what to gather:
- Income: The past few years’ income statements, tax returns, the whole shebang.
- Assets: Any and all assets, from paintings to equipment to crypto and everything in between. You may need to get these things appraised to understand their value.
- Real Estate: Mortgage details, assessed values, and fair market value for any property you own.
- Investments & Retirement: Up-to-date balances on all investment accounts and retirement accounts.
- Bank Accounts: Checking, savings, etc.
- Business Interests: Include details on any equity in businesses and the value of those interests.
- Liabilities/debts: Loans, debts, mortgages, taxes.
- Future inheritances: If you know that you’re going to be inheriting some money or property from a friend or relative, make sure to include it. Ask your benefactor to give you an approximation of the value.
Fifth prenup step: Choose your method
Alright, you’re ready to get this thing down on paper, but how? Here are your options:
Option 1: Hire a lawyer
A good local attorney can help you create a strong prenup that meets your specific needs and complies with your state’s laws. The main downside is cost—lawyers can be pricey, but many people find the peace of mind worth it.
Option 2: HelloPrenup
Allow us to help! By using HelloPrenup you get the ease of a DIY prenup with the option to hire an attorney if you want. Here’s why you may choose this route:
- Affordable and Convenient: Create an affordable ($599) with our step-by-step, user-friendly process you can complete from home.
- Customized for Your Needs: Our platform will guide you through a series of questions to create a customized prenup tailored to your goals so you don’t miss any important details.
- Optional Legal Review: You can consult with a lawyer for a flat rate to get extra peace of mind. You can get a pro’s input without paying expensive legal fees.
- Notarization: You have the option to notarize your prenup directly through the HelloPrenup platform with our partner, Proof, making it easy to wrap up your agreement without a trip to the notary.
Ultimately, the best option depends on the complexity of your situation and your budget. If you have significant assets, own a business, or anticipate complex financial arrangements, a lawyer may be worth it. For simpler agreements, HelloPrenup can be a practical, cost-effective choice.
Sixth prenup step: Negotiate the terms
Now comes the fun part—working together to draft the terms. This isn’t one-size-fits-all; make it reflect your relationship. Here are some key clauses you’ll want to consider and negotiate:
- Asset Division: How will things be split if you part ways? Would certain assets remain separate, or will everything be split down the middle? This is especially important if one of you is entering the marriage with more assets or if you expect to inherit significant assets down the road.
- Debt Responsibility: Decide who’s responsible for which debts or how you’ll handle future debt. Deciding now who will take on which debts later can prevent major headaches and misunderstandings.
- Alimony: Whether or not spousal support is on the table. Some couples choose to waive alimony altogether, while others want it as an option if one partner sacrifices career opportunities to support the family. This discussion helps clarify expectations and ensures you’re both comfortable with the support arrangements.
- Inheritance: Address how inheritances, gifts, or family-owned properties will be treated. Addressing this early on helps avoid any hurt feelings later.
- Business Ownership: If either of you owns a business or has valuable intellectual property (or plans to have it in the future), discuss how these assets will be treated in the prenup. This could mean keeping ownership strictly separate or sharing some aspects of business growth after marriage. It’s a great way to protect something you’ve put hard work into while being fair to your partner.
Remember, negotiating terms might take several conversations, so don’t rush it. (This is why starting the prenup process early enough is so important!). Stay focused on your shared goals, be open to compromise, and aim for an agreement that respects both partners’ needs.
Seventh prenup step: Finalize the agreement
You’re almost there! Once everything’s ironed out, it’s time to make it official. Some things to keep in mind are the formalities–ensure the prenup is in writing, signed, notarized, witnessed (if required), and compliant with your local laws. Also, make sure to sign well in advance. This can avoid claims of duress or coercion if it’s ever challenged. Remember, there’s no need to file a prenup anywhere in order to make it “valid”– it’s a private contract that only gets invoked if you want it to down the road during a divorce.
Eight prenup step: Celebrate!
Pop the Champagne!! You did it! Congratulations—you now have a prenup that provides peace of mind, transparency, and a clear path forward. This isn’t just a legal document; it’s a foundation for open communication and trust. Now go toast to your bright future together!
Nicole Sheehey is the Head of Legal Content at HelloPrenup, and an Illinois licensed attorney. She has a wealth of knowledge and experience when it comes to prenuptial agreements. Nicole has Juris Doctor from John Marshall Law School. She has a deep understanding of the legal and financial implications of prenuptial agreements, and enjoys writing and collaborating with other attorneys on the nuances of the law. Nicole is passionate about helping couples locate the information they need when it comes to prenuptial agreements. You can reach Nicole here: Nicole@Helloprenup.com
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