You’re crazy to get a prenup. You’re crazy to get married without one. A prenup means a divorce. A prenup is a safety net. Everyone has their opinions about prenups, and they’re not shy about sharing their thoughts. With couples balancing so many other things before the wedding day, it’s challenging to quiet the noise and decide what’s best for their relationship.
So, are prenups good or bad for a relationship? We may be biased, but we think prenups are good, most of the time, with a few exceptions. Before you roll your eyes at that answer, let’s explore when a prenup is a lifesaver and when it’s a dealbreaker.
What is a prenup?
A prenuptial agreement is a private contract between two people who are about to get married. It outlines a couple’s assets and how financial matters will be handled during a divorce, separation, and sometimes death. Prenups help set clear financial responsibilities and asset distribution, which can help prevent future conflicts since both partners agree to the legal document before marriage.
Also, note that not all prenups are created equal… in other words, they’re not all the same! Couples can tailor prenups to their specific needs, including provisions for property division, spousal support, protection of children from previous marriages, or debt management. Some prenups (depending on your state) can even include clauses about infidelity.
When is a prenup good?
Alright, here are several situations in which a prenup can be beneficial for a relationship:
A couple hasn’t talked about finances, goals, or expectations.
Sometimes, we all need a little nudge (or loving push…) to do the things that are good for us. A prenup is good for the relationship if a couple has never spoken, rarely speaks, or tends to avoid discussing finances or life goals. That does not mean it will be fun or easy, but it will be good for you. A prenup will help couples build a foundation for continuing financial conversations.
Takeaway: A prenup kickstarts important money talks for couples.
A couple who are out of sync with their values.
Let’s be honest—few of us are able to name our top values, let alone our partner’s top values. Given that values strongly guide how we make decisions in our lives, it’s wild that we don’t discuss this more! Decisions made in prenups and the conversation the process initiates will help couples identify and discuss their values. One partner who prioritizes adventure may not want the house, while another who places a lot of importance on order may wish for that stability. Couples can use tools like the value card sort to help.
Takeaway: Prenups help couples align on shared life values.
A couple looking for financial clarity.
We all bring something to the marriage, and for some people, that includes assets accumulated before the marriage. A prenup can help a couple like this get on the same page, easing any anxiety and decreasing misconceptions. It can also provide confidence (or further confirmation) that each partner is entering the marriage for “the right” reasons; the process dismisses any seedling of doubt that a partner is trying to take advantage of another through discussion, collaboration, and agreement.
Takeaway: Prenups clarify intentions and collaboratively protect pre-marriage assets.
A couple with debt (one or both partners).
A National Debt Relief report found that 3 in 5 Americans have considered putting off marriage to avoid inheriting their partner’s debt. A prenup can relieve some of that stress; it lays out who is responsible for what debt and helps prevent one partner from being burdened by the other’s financial obligations in case of a divorce or separation.
Takeaway: Prenups help protect partners from inheriting each other’s debt, often leading to resentment.
A couple with a history of relationships ending poorly.
Does a shudder pass through your body when you think of how past relationships ended? Do you see people you thought you knew well who turned into entirely different people after a breakup? A prenup can help a couple with peace of mind, knowing that if the marriage were to end, the logistics wouldn’t add to the stress. Partners can include provisions to avoid any particular traumatic events that have happened in the past (like custody of a loved pet, loss of a marital home, etc).
Takeaway: Prenups provide peace of mind in case things end.
A couple who are conflict-avoidant.
It may feel counterintuitive, but a prenup is suitable for a couple that avoids confrontation and conflict. That is because a prenup provides a clear framework for what would happen if the marriage ends… No living with the fear of future conflict or lengthy legal battles. A prenup lets a couple converse honestly in a controlled environment to avoid conflict later.
Takeaway: Prenups help expose couples to appropriate “confrontation” to avoid future conflict and emotional stress.
A couple with individual goals.
Looking to start a new business? Go back to school? Prenups can help couples make moves in their personal and professional lives outside of the relationship. Provisions that support each partner’s individual goals can be included in a prenup. With this clearly defined, each partner may feel more encouraged to pursue these goals without fear of unknown financial repercussions.
Takeaway: Prenups help partners support each other’s goals and reduce barriers to reaching them.
When is a prenup “bad”?
So, when would a prenup be bad or potentially a “red flag“? Well, some situations could be:
A couple where one person refuses to read the prenup or participate in any way.
Some people flat-out do not want a prenup. They refuse to engage in the conversation, refuse to be a part of the process, and just despise everything prenup-related. This person may be “willing” to sign the agreement, but is just doing it as a last resort to appease their partner. For example, if one person says something like, “I don’t care, I don’t want a prenup, I’m not reading it, I’m not getting a lawyer. Just give me the stupid thing, and I’ll sign it so we can move on,” then this is a recipe for disaster. Not only is this person feeling forced into something they don’t want (hello, red flag), but it also, legally speaking, it can be a launching pad for a prenup challenge down the road. This partner may argue one day that they didn’t voluntarily sign the prenup. This scenario alone isn’t a guaranteed cause for voiding the agreement, but who wants to deal with that drama?
Takeaway: If a prenup is signed without being read and understood by both parties, it could be challenged down the road. While getting it thrown out is not guaranteed, it is a possibility.
A couple feeling pressured to agree to a prenup.
Again, prenups should be entered into voluntarily. There should be no coercion or duress when signing an agreement. Signing a prenup under pressure can be grounds for voiding the agreement in certain situations and certain states. While it’s normal for one partner (or both) to feel hesitant about a prenup, being completely forced into signing one is not. Whether the pressure is from one another, society, business partners, or family, signing a prenup under pressure is not good, legally speaking, or for your psychological well-being. Not only is this a legal problem, but it can also lead to resentment and trust issues later on in the relationship.
Takeaway: If one or both partners feel forced to sign a prenup, it can lead to getting the prenup challenged or even thrown out, and serious resentment issues later on.
A couple has a teeny-tiny window for a prenup.
Are you getting married tomorrow and forgot about a prenup until the night before? Depending on your situation, getting a postnuptial agreement may be a better option. Sometimes, getting a prenup done at the last minute can put the agreement at risk (but not always!). Plus, getting a last-minute prenup can also add a ton of stress to an already stressful time!
Takeaway: Don’t start the prenup process 12 hours before walking down the aisle- it needs time and careful thought, or it’ll probably end up harming the relationship. Plus, it can potentially lead to legal issues down the road.
The bottom line on whether a prenup is good or bad
Let’s face it–we think prenups are awesome. But, the fact of the matter is that the decision to enter into a prenup is deeply personal and individualized. A prenup can help facilitate open communication, provide financial security, and reduce possible future conflicts.
On the other hand, prenups, when rushed into or pressured into, can cause problems in the relationship and also have legal consequences. Ultimately, the question of whether a prenup is good or bad really depends on your situation, goals, and relationship.
Dr. Vivian Oberling is a licensed clinical psychologist with degrees from UCLA, Harvard, and Stanford. In her private telehealth practice, she works with adults navigating anxiety, identity shifts, and relationship dynamics—whether they’re dating, partnered, or parenting. She also provides executive coaching and behavioral health advisory support to tech startups and legal tools reshaping how we think about love, marriage, and psychological safety. Dr. Oberling combines 10+ years of clinical expertise with modern, real-world insight to help people move through uncertainty with clarity and connection.
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