“When you know, you know!” If you’ve heard that from friends who got engaged after three months (or even three weeks), you’re not alone. Engagement timelines in 2025 seem more varied than ever. But the question of how soon is too soon to get engaged isn’t about something you can fake—and it’s not a decision you should rush.
If you’re wondering how soon is “too soon,” this article is for you. We’ll unpack the cultural myths and modern pressures shaping today’s engagements, the psychological factors that influence our perception of readiness, signs a relationship may be moving too fast (or too slow), and a framework for understanding timing that’s more meaningful than just the number of months together. Let’s dive in.
The myth of the “right” timeline
Society has always had strong opinions about marriage timelines—usually something like: date for a year or two, meet the families, move in together, get engaged, then plan a wedding. But this model has quietly shifted. Now, in 2025, people are dating across continents, connecting through apps or Discord servers, and managing long-distance, work-from-anywhere lives. There is no single trajectory anymore.
Still, the myth of a “correct” timeline lingers. Friends and family may raise eyebrows when someone gets engaged “too soon,” even if the relationship is solid. On the flip side, long-term couples who haven’t gotten engaged are peppered with questions about what’s “taking so long.”
But here’s the real question under “How soon is too soon?” What people are really asking is: Is this safe? Is this smart? Will it last? Is this really what I want? And here’s the uncomfortable truth—time alone won’t answer those questions.
What’s really behind the rush?
Couples move quickly toward engagement for many reasons. Some are drawn by instant connection, intense chemistry, or a shared sense of purpose. Others feel pressured by biological clocks, family expectations, financial considerations, or the fear of being alone. For most, it’s likely a mix.
In my clinical experience, two common categories stand out: anxiety-driven factors and idealization-based ones.
Anxiety-driven factors
These engagements are fueled more by urgency than clarity. One or both partners may fear that if they don’t “lock it in” quickly, they’ll lose their chance, whether that means losing the person, the dream of a family, or simply avoiding loneliness. Common fears include:
- Fear of abandonment: “If I don’t commit now, they’ll leave.”
- Fear of scarcity: “This is my only chance.”
- Fear of failure: “All my relationships fall apart—I need to make this one last.”
These internal narratives often run in the background. The idea—or act—of getting engaged becomes a way to soothe inner distress.
The problem? Once the engagement happens, the underlying anxiety (surprise!) doesn’t magically disappear. It simply morphs—often reemerging in wedding planning stress, conflict avoidance, or post-engagement doubts.
Idealization
Early in a relationship, you’re still getting to know each other, filling in the gaps with what you hope is true. That’s natural and often sweet, but if engagement happens during this phase, it can be risky. You may not be saying yes to the person, but to the idea of them. Signs of idealization can include:
- Overemphasizing similarities and minimizing differences
- Believing “we’ve never fought” is a positive sign
- Mistaking intensity for intimacy
- Dismissing red flags
In this stage, most people are still presenting the best versions of themselves. Meanwhile, the brain is releasing a potent mix of dopamine, oxytocin, and vasopressin—everything feels romantic and affirming. But making a life-altering decision during this time is like buying a house based solely on the listing photos.
What about couples who wait?
On the other side, couples who keep postponing engagement often aren’t just “taking their time”—they may be stuck in ambivalence or avoiding hard truths.
Sometimes it’s fear of conflict. Sometimes it’s unspoken, clashing long-term goals. Research by Mikulincer & Shaver (2018) shows that people with avoidant attachment styles often keep relationships in a “safe but stagnant” zone, dodging deeper commitment.
And yes, it can feel safer to stay comfortable than to rock the boat. But if you’re not discussing major topics—kids, money, values—it’s hard to build something lasting. Some couples are deeply bonded but can’t move forward because the work of differentiation and emotional risk-taking hasn’t happened.
Red flags that an engagement is premature
So, how do you know if you’re moving too fast? It’s not just about how long you’ve known each other—it’s about what you’ve been through together.
You haven’t had a major conflict yet.
Engaging before your first real fight is like test-driving a car on an empty lot. Conflict is essential for learning how each of you navigates emotional rupture and repair.
One or both partners are in a major life transition.
A recent breakup, grief, career change, or relocation can cloud judgment. Fast decisions during these periods often act as emotional escape routes, not grounded commitments.
Important conversations haven’t happened.
Finances, children, religion, sex, mental health, and aging parents—these are must-discuss topics. A prenup, for example, can serve as a conversation starter. If you can’t talk about money now, it won’t be easier later.
You feel panicked at the thought of not locking it down.
That sense of urgency—“What if I lose them?”—may point to attachment anxiety. While fears are normal, an engagement should not be driven primarily by panic.
How to decide when it’s time to get engaged?
So, how do you know you’re truly ready? Think beyond the calendar. Consider these four areas:
- Emotional maturity: How do you (both individually and as a couple) handle conflict? Are you aware of your patterns? Do you take responsibility? Do your patterns grow or strain the relationship?
- Relational experience: Have you had serious relationships before? What did you learn? If not, how do you approach this one with intention?
- Shared reality: Do your values and long-term goals align? Are your expectations for marriage clear and compatible?
- Time overcoming challenges: Have you faced hard things together—job loss, family issues, illness, relocation? These trials build resilience and reveal how you function as a team.
Scoring high across all four domains is often more predictive of readiness than simply dating for five years. It’s about quality, not quantity.
Engagement trends in 2025
Technology has transformed how people connect and build intimacy. In 2025, 20% of people under 30 met their partner online. More couples are engaging in premarital counseling via telehealth or using relationship apps to build self-awareness.
TikTok and similar platforms are pushing mental health to the forefront, helping normalize conversations about emotional work in relationships.
One trend that’s opening up deeper dialogue? Prenups. In 2025, 50% of U.S. adults say they’re open to prenups. Among Gen Z, 41% of engaged or married couples already have one. And it’s not just legal protection—a thoughtful prenup is a mirror. It forces conversations around values, boundaries, and expectations. In my experience, couples who go there early are often better prepared for marriage than those who avoid it.
Bottom line: The quality of the relationship matters more than the time together
There’s no universal timeline for engagement in 2025. The question isn’t how long you’ve been together—it’s how solid your foundation is. Emotional maturity, shared values, and the ability to navigate real-life challenges matter more than any number of weeks, months, or years.
So if you’re asking whether it’s too soon to get engaged, ask this instead: Are we ready for what comes next? Have we had the hard conversations—not just the romantic ones? In 2025, the best indicator of marriage readiness isn’t time—it’s depth.
Dr. Vivian Oberling is a licensed clinical psychologist with degrees from UCLA, Harvard, and Stanford. In her private telehealth practice, she works with adults navigating anxiety, identity shifts, and relationship dynamics—whether they’re dating, partnered, or parenting. She also provides executive coaching and behavioral health advisory support to tech startups and legal tools reshaping how we think about love, marriage, and psychological safety. Dr. Oberling combines 10+ years of clinical expertise with modern, real-world insight to help people move through uncertainty with clarity and connection.
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