If you’ve recently found a reason to use your left hand more frequently to showcase a dazzling new accessory, listen up. It might finally be time to turn your wedding planning dreams into reality—dreams you may have envisioned since you were five years old. Before you get too far down your research rabbit hole, take a moment to pause and breathe. We’re here to help! From my experience as a wedding planner (and a one-time fiancĂ©e), the best thing you can do before starting the planning process is to have open discussions. It may sound cliche or redundant, but communication is essential to devise a plan before jumping into planning headfirst. But what do you need to talk about? Let’s get into the topics you should discuss before you begin planning your big day.Â
Figure out what kind of wedding you both want
Do you want a 250-person party or an intimate dinner with close friends and family? A traditional service, a non-religious celebration, or a cultural fusion? Do you care about the location? The vibe? The style? The theme? You don’t need the fully flushed-out mood board yet, but having a starting point will help you understand your priorities and what matters most to each of you. You may be pleasantly surprised to discover you and your partner have some overlapping predilections. Plus, this can be a fun, lighthearted conversation to have over dinner and wine.
Budget: How much will you spend on the wedding, and who will pay for it?
Discuss your wedding budget early on to avoid surprises. Wedding costs come fast and furious, and the further along you get, the more complicated the conversation about money will become if it is averted. Figure out if you will be paying for the wedding yourselves. Are family members planning to contribute, and what conditions come with that gift? The goal is to gain as much clarity about what you can afford and how that budget aligns with your vision of your big day.Â
How involved should family be in the planning process?
It’s important to set boundaries with loved ones from the very beginning of the process. Weddings come with opinions, and oftentimes, more than you asked for. Some family members want to help, while others may assume they are entitled to input. People start coming out of the woodwork when wedding planning begins. Ensure you decide where you’re open and willing to receive feedback and where you want to draw the line. Talk about how involved you want parents, siblings, or even friends to be. Setting expectations at the beginning will help save a lot of stress later.Â
What wedding details matter to each of you?
Identify your wedding planning priorities as a couple. There is no one-size-fits-all wedding. Some couples dream of designer outfits and five-course dinners, while others care more about the DJ versus band debate, venue, and after party, photography, videography, or both. You should write down your top three must-haves for the wedding. Compare your notes and determine how to align your budget and energy with your priorities. Let everything else be flexible.Â
How will you make wedding planning decisions together?
Decide how you will split the wedding planning responsibilities. Planning a wedding is running your first big project together, but it comes with high emotional stakes, big expectations, and many people who feel they need to be pleased. Determine if you want to divide tasks, make the decisions together, or outsource the decision to a wedding planner. Whatever works for you is fine, but be sure to agree early. Being honest about your preferences and capacity will keep planning from becoming a power struggle.
What conversations should you have before getting married?
Frequently, couples get so caught up in the wedding planning process that they forget that the real reason for the wedding is to celebrate the beginning of their lives together. The wedding is just one day, and it’s essential to take the time to talk about the life you plan to build together. What are your shared goals? How do you each handle stress? Make sure you align on the big decisions that come down the road: career, kids, and finances. Practically, coming at decision-making from a place of love will always have a better result than coming from a place of anger. Determine what matters, how to protect your future, and clarify it. This will only strengthen your trust and deepen your love.Â
How will you protect your relationship during the wedding planning process?
Wedding planning can bring up a lot, even for the strongest couples. Make sure you make time to connect while managing your wedding stress. From finances to family dynamics to decision fatigue, it’s easy to lose sight of why you’re doing this in the first place. Plan now for how you’ll stay grounded. It could be regular date nights with no wedding talk, a separate text chain where you only speak about wedding details, or a plan to give each other space when emotions run hot. Make sure to prioritize the relationship; everything else will follow.Â
Final thought: Talk first, then plan
So, there you have it. All of the conversations you should have with your partner before you start wedding planning. From a simple overview of the wedding plans to how to protect your relationship. Start with the above conversations before the first dress fitting or venue tour. A few of these honest, grounded discussions can make the rest of your planning experience smoother, calmer, and more meaningful. Strong marriages begin long before the ceremony, and thoughtful communication helps achieve that goal. Happy planning!
Samantha Hertz is the founder of Saturdays in the Sun, a creative consultancy agency based in New York specializing in turning innovative ideas into reality. With over a decade of experience in the luxury fashion industry, having worked with prestigious brands such as Prada, Burberry, and Giorgio Armani, she has developed a strong skill set in event planning, creative project management, and visual display. In recent years, Samantha has ventured into wedding planning. Her background in luxury fashion has given her keen attention to detail and the ability to thrive in high-pressure environments—qualities that have proven invaluable in the glamorous and often chaotic world of weddings.
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