During the COVID-19 pandemic, our world changed in many ways. One of the most significant shifts was the increase in people working remotely. As offices closed their doors and Zoom meetings became the new norm, millions of employees found themselves setting up offices at home—in their living rooms, kitchen tables, or spare bedrooms. Gone were the days of long commutes; now, couples were finding themselves waking up, getting ready, and… settling down at their desks a few feet away from their bedrooms.
Since then, some things have reverted to “normal” while others have become our new way of life. While remote work was not invented during the pandemic, many people got a taste of the WFH benefits (increased flexibility and reduced commuting stress) and have continued working remotely.
But what about the downsides? More specifically, how can working from home impact your marriage? Let’s explore those impacts and strategies for successfully navigating the challenges.
The problem with blurred lines between home and work
As we all know, healthy boundaries are vital to our well-being, individually and as a couple. Remote work has blurred the line between home and work; no physical difference exists (i.e., different physical location) that helps us maintain those boundaries. We now have to reassess, redefine, and re-establish our boundaries.
When your office is a few steps away from your living room, it’s easy for work to spill over after you’ve clocked out. Research has shown that maintaining clear boundaries here is crucial for well-being and relationship satisfaction. Without these boundaries, couples can struggle to disconnect from work-related tasks or stressors, impacting the frequency and quality of time spent with their partner.
Remote work can also blur established roles and responsibilities at home and between partners. Some individuals working from home have taken advantage of less commute time or lunch breaks to complete household tasks, such as throwing in a load of laundry or prepping for dinner. However, when do these tasks move from “nice to do” to expectations? It may also be easy to assume that because a partner is at home, they can and should be doing more household chores and responsibilities.
How sharing space can cause relationship conflict
Sharing a workspace with your home can be both a blessing and a curse. There’s less commute time and no need to lug things into the office and back… but it can also create physical and mental clutter at home. Some people may have the space to designate a separate room as their office, but not everyone. For some it may be a shared space that is transformed into an office during work hours – the kitchen table or a corner of the bedroom. In these situations, it can increase the possibility of conflict over space.
Say, for example, you have a project requiring work a little later than usual. You utilize a part of your bedroom as your home office, which works well… when your spouse is at work. In this case, your spouse comes home from their long day at work and wants to connect with you. They enter the bedroom and start a conversation – but you’re still “at work.” You’re distracted, perhaps annoyed, because all you want to do is focus and finish for the day. Those feelings translate into being curt and short with your partner, who may react with their own feelings of annoyance, sadness, and anger. It’s a vicious cycle.
It’s also tricky because both partners are “right” in this situation. The space (in this case, the bedroom) fills two very different functions—an office and a safe, personal space. While this may work most of the time, the minute there is overlap, it can become a significant challenge. Who or what need has priority? How does each partner feel about sharing?
Strategies for how to share a work and home space
To help overcome the challenge of sharing your home and workspace in one physical location, you should designate work areas within your home and think through other scenarios. Here are a few things to think about regarding your workspace:
- Where can you work without interruption during work hours?
- Where can you work that minimizes interruption after work hours?
- What are “hard no’s” areas for you or your partner to utilize as a WFH space? The kitchen? Bedroom? And why?
- How often do you end up working after hours?
- What are your hours like compared to your spouse’s?
- Does your workspace tend to be organized, cluttered, messy, or neat?
- What is your partner’s preference and learning regarding organization and shared spaces?
- Do you need privacy for your work? If so, how much and from whom?
Now, what about household responsibilities? Each couple has their own way of dividing tasks, and it’s likely that a transition to remote work will necessitate a conversation. If one (or both partners) are working from home, communicate openly about your needs and preferences. Without clear discussion and agreement, chores and childcare will likely default to the partner working from home. While this may be the ideal situation for you both, it should be a team effort and decision.
Keep in mind:
- WFH ≠ Chores all day. Just because one partner works from home does not mean they should or can do household chores during the day. Even if they have a lunch break, treat it as if they were working outside the home – would you expect them to run home to run the dishwasher?
- Childcare considerations. If you have children, discuss how you would like to approach childcare, especially when a child is sick or needs to be picked up early from school. Do you have a primary parent who steps in for this situation? Or do you take turns? Do you decide in the moment based on each of your workloads?
- Commute considerations. If one partner spends significant time commuting or has a particularly heavy workload, it may benefit you both as a couple for the other partner to pick up more of the household responsibilities.
Don’t forget to maintain your boundaries as a couple
We’ve talked about how WFH can impact boundaries and space, but what are the effects on the well-being of your marriage or partnership? In the hustle and bustle of remote work, couples can quickly become disconnected due to the distractions of the day and from work. Physically seeing your office and your work can make it harder to focus and maintain attention to each other when you’re at home.
To combat this, prioritize quality time with one another. Be intentional about your time together and decrease distractions. Even if it’s going for a walk, watching a TV show together, or making dinner for a night in, that time for connection can strengthen your relational bond and provide strength during challenging times.
If you find it hard to reduce distractions or resist the urge to check your Slack when you’re off the clock, consider stronger tactics. Consider deleting apps from your phone when you’re off the clock, disabling notifications, removing all work-related things from your eyesight, or moving your time with your spouse outside of the home (e.g., going to see a movie or exploring nature).
Communication is key
Effective communication has always been essential for a healthy relationship, but it’s even more critical when navigating the challenges of remote work. When one or both partners begin working from home, initiate a discussion (or a few discussions). What are your expectations? Boundaries? How will you each share when challenges arise, and how will you support each other? Your conversations before transitioning to a remote working environment will likely be short; it may be hard to predict what challenges will arise until they occur. However, these conversations are setting the stage for successful conversation as time progresses. If you have these initial conversations, you can address concerns and challenges more efficiently and with the same frame of reference.
As part of that, set aside a time to check in with each other, maybe daily, weekly, or even monthly. Whatever works for you both to proactively address issues before they become significant enough to harm your relationship.
Seek support when needed
If you find that the challenges of remote work are straining your relationship, don’t hesitate to seek support. It may be from a co-worker or mentor who understands your work situation or a professional provider such as a therapist or counselor. Online groups or communities can also be helpful; finding a space to talk with others facing the same challenges can provide a sense of validation, encouragement, and practical strategies.
A therapist or counselor can help you find ways to improve your communication skills, develop effective coping strategies, identify areas for change, and connect as a couple more effectively.
Conclusion
The rise of remote work has undoubtedly reshaped the landscape of modern relationships, bringing both opportunities and challenges for couples. Remote work provides a degree of flexibility that many of us have not experienced in our careers so far, and as with novel experience, there is a learning curve. Couples with one partner or both, engaged in remote work should prioritize setting clear boundaries and open communication. It’s essential to consider how WFH can change the home environment and the relationship dynamics.
Remember that each person and couple is unique. What works for you may not work for another couple and might not even work for you in a later part of life. Being flexible and willing to adapt will allow you both to navigate this new world of working in a way that can be beneficial for your lives.
Dr. Vivian Oberling is a licensed clinical psychologist with degrees from UCLA, Harvard, and Stanford. In her private telehealth practice, she works with adults navigating anxiety, identity shifts, and relationship dynamics—whether they’re dating, partnered, or parenting. She also provides executive coaching and behavioral health advisory support to tech startups and legal tools reshaping how we think about love, marriage, and psychological safety. Dr. Oberling combines 10+ years of clinical expertise with modern, real-world insight to help people move through uncertainty with clarity and connection.
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