More and more Americans are actually moving away from the idea of marriage. The Pew Research Center found that 59% of adults (ages 18 to 44) lived with an unmarried partner at one point in their lives, while only 50% have ever been married. They also found that married adults were more likely than those living with a partner to “say things are going very well in their relationship” (58% to 41%).
What does this mean? Fewer adults are marrying than ever before, even though married individuals report higher relationship satisfaction compared to those cohabiting. A healthy marriage is not just one thing. It can vary across couples and throughout life stages, but it does encompass common characteristics. Let’s discuss the common elements of a healthy marriage so you and your partner can find your strengths and growth edges.
Author’s note: Factors of a healthy marriage vary across factors such as culture, socioeconomic status (SES), and partner history (e.g., incarceration, mental health, military involvement). This article will focus on very general characteristics.
Sign 1: Effective communication
Communication between partners has long been an aspect of a healthy marriage. It has been studied frequently (like here) and is usually one of the main focuses in any couple intervention.
- Open and honest conversations matter. In healthy marriages, both partners tend to share their thoughts and feelings with each other, even when it can be a little uncomfortable. Their partners are among the first people they share things with; each person can hold space for these honest conversations.
- Healthy partners practice active listening. Each partner can listen to their partner with the intention of understanding, not just responding. This requires an active process: giving the other person your full attention, being curious about their perspective, asking questions to fully understand, and validating their emotional experience.
- Couples with great marriages pay attention to body language. These couples tend to pay attention to and take cues from each other’s body language, including facial expressions, tone of voice, tension in the body, and body orientation. Reading each other and incorporating that information into a conversation is very useful.
Sign 2: Mutual respect
Respect, especially mutual respect, creates a nurturing environment for building and maintaining a healthy marriage. Here’s how healthy marriages practice mutual respect:
- Validate each other’s opinions: Even in disagreements, partners in a healthy marriage can respect each other’s viewpoints and thought processes. They’re able to separate their feelings for their partner and their opinions. For example, one person can disagree wholeheartedly with their partner’s political views and still show respect for them as a person by listening to their points, showing curiosity, and/or focusing on counterpoints to the opinion (not the person).
- Boundaries and values: Boundaries and values are respected and adhered to as best as possible. Partners intentionally learn about each other’s values and boundaries and try their best to adhere to them even if they may not fully agree with them.
- Accept each other: Both partners accept each other as they are and give each other the same consideration they would give themselves. It’s not practical to say that a person will never want to change something about their partner, but mutual respect flourishes best when neither partner tries to change the other person.
- Appreciation: When both partners show and regularly express regard for each other, it translates to respect for each other’s abilities and worth. Partners in a healthy marriage often make this a regular habit, not one that is saved for big moments or gestures.
By respecting each other, both partners feel validated in the relationship, even during times of conflict.
Sign 3: Trust
This may seem like a “duh” sign, but it’s still a key element in a healthy marriage! What does “trust” look like in a healthy relationship? There are generally three signs: reliability, transparency, and faithfulness.
- Reliability: Both partners can depend on each other to do what they say they will do. This includes any nonverbal agreements or ones that both partners agreed to as part of a bigger decision (e.g., fidelity when agreeing to get married).
- Transparency: Being open about feelings, past experiences, and expectations helps foster trust over time. If both partners are transparent, they can trust each other to share important things and be confident that if their partner is not sharing something, it’s for a good reason.
- Faithfulness: Both partners have defined their commitment to each other and what that entails. Then, they both consistently respect and adhere to those things (e.g., fidelity).
Sign 4: Empathy
Emotional support is huge in building and maintaining a healthy marriage. Empathy is defined as the human capacity to understand a person from their frame of reference or to experience that person’s feelings, perceptions, and thoughts vicariously. So, key distinction – empathy is not sympathy. Sympathy is when a person shares in the emotions that the other person is feeling in the moment. How can you practice empathy? Stay curious and slow down.
To stay curious, healthy partners typically ask each other questions to better understand each other. That intimate knowledge of each other allows them to understand each other and their feelings better. To slow down, healthy partners tend to find time each day to be mindful of themselves and each other. It can be easy to get wrapped up in life and miss things about each other, so doing this allows empathy to grow.
Sign 5: Conflict resolution
Healthy marriages embrace the ups and downs of life and prioritize what happens after an argument/conflict. Here are some of the ways healthy marriage partners practice good conflict resolution:
- They argue well: Disagreements aren’t avoided (and shouldn’t be), but partners in healthy marriages prioritize arguing in a way that is more beneficial. Focusing on sharing their own feelings and thoughts, or avoiding personal digs or low blows, are a few ways to do this.
- Repair, repair, repair: Focus on how to repair the relationship after a disagreement. Partners in a healthy relationship make this a priority.
- They have problem-solving skills: Partners in great marriages learn and build their abilities to problem-solve together. Rather than making the goal to “win” an argument, the goal is to work together to find solutions.
- They practice forgiveness: Healthy relationships are characterized by forgiveness. Building the ability (because it’s not easy!) to forgive grudges and forgive each other. Both partners figure out how to do this themselves and within the relationship.
Sign 6: Supporting each other
Supporting one another and being each other’s number-one fan is often a sign of a healthy marriage. Here are some ways that spouses in great marriages support one another:
- Encouragement: This is a good sign when partners support each other’s goals, dreams, and personal growth! It shows that they believe in their partner’s abilities and validate their partner’s values.
- Differential support: Just like love languages, everyone has different ways in which they want to be supported. Partners who learn how their spouse feels supported build a strong foundation for their marriage. Some may lean towards words of encouragement, while another person feels support best by physical touch.
- Prioritize time together: Couples who prioritize and spend consistent (quality) time together will find themselves best suited to support each other. Not only is there an emotional connection present, but they are likely to know each other better.
Important note
Just because a marriage may or may not show some of these signs does not make it “unhealthy” by definition. Life is complicated! Life events and stressors (e.g., unemployment, losing a loved one, health challenges) can impact a marriage and disrupt any strong foundation. This article is meant to be a starting point for incorporating what to incorporate to help strengthen your marriage.
Takeaways on the signs of a healthy marriage
Marriage is a journey that requires effort, understanding, and commitment from both partners. Many things characterize a healthy marriage, but by focusing on these key elements, you and your partner will set a foundation for a fulfilling relationship. Unlike a fairytale, marriages don’t just achieve happily ever after and stay that way forever. Remember, it’s a process – each day is an opportunity to move closer or maintain the healthiest marriage for you both.
Dr. Vivian Oberling is a licensed clinical psychologist with degrees from UCLA, Harvard, and Stanford. In her private telehealth practice, she works with adults navigating anxiety, identity shifts, and relationship dynamics—whether they’re dating, partnered, or parenting. She also provides executive coaching and behavioral health advisory support to tech startups and legal tools reshaping how we think about love, marriage, and psychological safety. Dr. Oberling combines 10+ years of clinical expertise with modern, real-world insight to help people move through uncertainty with clarity and connection.
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