The day you’ve been dreaming of has come and gone, now you are officially engaged! Although wedding planning is important at this stage, not every discussion you have with your partner from now until you say “I Do” has to revolve around the subject. In order to enjoy that newly wedded bliss instead of arguing over tough topics, we have created a list of the top five things you as an engaged couple should talk about before your big day.
Money
Money, whether you love or hate to talk about it, it is an unavoidable subject within a relationship, especially one moving towards marriage. Throughout your dating period with your fiance it is very likely that you discussed various topics relating to money and finances but don’t let the conversations stop now that you’re engaged. Now is the time to really make sure you and your partner are on the same page regarding your history and your future goals moving forward in life together.
Finances and money can be a touchy subject for some people, and inevitably can lead to unwanted arguments if you are not open and honest with one another. Let’s take a look at three major things you should discuss with your partner after you get engaged.
Debt
Whether it be from student loans, credit card debt, or a car payment, it is important to take note of what debt you and your fiance are both bringing into your marriage. Taking a look at your debt might also give you an insight into your spending habits or how you both handle money.
Splitting Finances
Another important thing to discuss is how you as a couple want to split (or not) your finances moving forward. Divvying up financial responsibilities is not a one size fits all method so it is important you do what is right for the two of you. It can range from “what’s yours is mine, and what’s mine is yours” to splitting things 50/50, or each taking responsibility for different bills or expenses.
Short Term and Long Term Goals
Knowing what goals you and your fiance both have for the future is a great way to start off your marriage. It is likely you will both come to the table with your own list of what is important, so now is the best time to decide what you want to work towards together.
Short term goals relating to finances and money can include, paying off debt, saving for a honeymoon (if you don’t go on one right after your wedding day), or creating an emergency fund. Short term goals are typically ones you want to achieve in a few months or a year or two.
Long term goals on the other hand are ones you might not see come to fruition for years and years. Paying off your mortgage, setting up a retirement plan, or putting money aside for a college fund are all examples of long term financial goals.
Living Situation
As a (soon to be) newly married couple, your living situation is bound to change in some capacity. Whether you are already living together or planning on moving into a new house after the wedding, there are things you should talk about with one another prior.
Back in the day, it was considered very taboo to live with your partner before you were officially married, but in the year 2022 it is an entirely different story. If you are one of the couples that already lives together, you should be sure to discuss what you want your living situation to look like moving forward. If you are in an apartment, are you wanting to move into a house? If you are in a house, are you looking to sell and find something new? Whatever it may be, make sure you are on the same page.
If you and your partner have decided not to live together until after you are married, then it is time to start figuring out who is going to go where once the marriage license is signed. If you both own properties, then one of you might plan to move into one and keep the other as an investment. Or you might sell both and buy a new home together.
Your Prenup
Falling in love, planning a wedding, and building a life together is just as blissful as it sounds. But with life comes uncertainties, and you and your future spouse both deserve to be taken care of, should anything happen within your marriage. During this stage, before the wedding bells ring, you and your partner should discuss having a Prenuptial Agreement if you haven’t already.
A Prenuptial Agreement is “a legal agreement that outlines certain property rights and financial arrangements that the parties agree to as a condition of getting married.”
If you don’t have a firm understanding of what a Prenuptial Agreement entails, then you might be one of those people who sees it as a negative thing, or something you only hear about in movies. Our experienced team at HelloPrenup will be sure to guide you and your fiance through the entire process, answering any questions along the way. If you aren’t quite sure how to bring this up with your partner, this blog will be a great resource for you.
Traditions
Since you are newly engaged and not newly in a relationship, it is likely that you and your future spouse have already talked about important things such as beliefs, traditions, and values. Such topics don’t have to be a one and done type of conversation though. As life changes, and as you evolve as a couple it is probable you both have more to say about what is important to you.
Starting your lives as a married couple, two are becoming one but that doesn’t just entail the two of you standing at the altar. You are also blending your extended families, therefore it is important you each know what to expect when it comes to holidays, birthdays, and overall boundaries.
Life Together Moving Forward
Being engaged should be a joyous and exciting time in your relationship, you have chosen to spend the rest of your life with someone else after all. Don’t let the stress of planning a wedding, and all the logistics (see above topics) that come with being an adult couple keep you from focusing on all the exciting things to come.
Here are four (more lighthearted) conversation starters for you and your fiance.
- Where do you want to go for a honeymoon?
- What are you most excited for when it comes to marriage
- What are some of your dreams and goals for the future
- What is your love language
Final Thoughts
Planning for your wedding might seem like everything right now, but it is important to remember that when the ceremony is over your lives as a wedded couple will continue on as normal. Clear and honest communication is the key to a successful marriage. Even if there are things you feel uncomfortable talking about or you don’t see the necessity of it at this moment in time, you will be happy you opened the door to these conversations now so that they don’t turn into unwanted arguments in the future.
Julia Rodgers is HelloPrenup’s CEO and Co-Founder. She is a Massachusetts family law attorney and true believer in the value of prenuptial agreements. HelloPrenup was created with the goal of automating the prenup process, making it more collaborative, time efficient and cost effective. Julia believes that a healthy marriage is one in which couples can openly communicate about finances and life goals. You can read more about us here Questions? Reach out to Julia directly at [email protected].
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