Adding to your family is an exciting milestone, and for many couples, the first step is getting a pet. Pets, such as dogs, bring companionship, joy, and even mental health benefits. But the decision should not be taken lightly—about 10% of pets were surrendered to an animal shelter, with many people noting financial hardship as a main cause. Before leaping into pet parenthood, evaluate your readiness as a couple and how your pet can impact your relationship.
What is your intention for getting a pet?
Why? Why a pet, and why now? There can be many different reasons you’re looking to expand your family with a furry companion–just be sure they align with the commitment that comes with a pet.
Here are a few of the common reasons people want a pet:
- You or your partner have always wanted a pet, but you do not have the lifestyle or support to make it happen.
- Pets may be the first step to expanding your family and a way to explore parenthood.
- Pets can be a way to symbolize commitment to each other and to explore moving forward in the relationship.
- Pets can provide comfort and be seen as a support.
- Feeling lonely? Maybe one partner is away often for work or other obligations, and a pet can be a good companion.
- Pets can be a way to fill a void, such as after losing a loved one or a big life change.
After identifying reasons for wanting a pet, ask yourself (and your partner):
- What are my top reasons for wanting a pet?
- Are these reasons aligned or misaligned with my partner’s?
- Is a pet a “bandage” in any sense? Is that okay?
Remember, this exercise aims to understand what is driving this desire for a pet and assess whether it’s a good reason. Not having a good reason(s) can lead to taking on a responsibility that you’re both not ready for or, worse, can damage your relationship.
What is the state of your relationship?
The current state of your relationship plays a major role in how you’ll handle pet ownership.
Communication
Good communication is important in owning a pet, from handling daily responsibilities to making big decisions. Couples who struggle to resolve conflicts, share responsibilities, or repair ruptures may face additional challenges when caring for a pet.
Pre-existing stress
Are you dealing with work troubles? Caring for aging parents? Adding a pet to an already strained relationship can exponentially raise the tension. Ensure you and your partner are in the headspace to take on a new responsibility together.
Emotional foundation
Do you feel emotionally connected to your partner right now? While it may seem a bit too much to answer whether you should get a pet, it’s essential. If you and your partner feel disconnected, that is likely to cause cracks in other parts of your relationship. Throwing a pet into the mix will likely make those cracks bigger, not fill them in.
Responsibilities
Assess your current responsibilities and how you both support (or don’t support) each other. Getting a pet involves a lot of responsibilities, and it will be a lot easier to talk them through before getting a pet. Think about:
- What are your current responsibilities in the relationship?
- Is one or both of you feeling overburdened? How will it change or not change with a pet?
- How will you know if one partner needs support with the pet later on? How will that be decided or brought up?
- How do you talk about hard things?
Think about the logistics of owning a pet
As a couple, consider the day-to-day logistics before making the plunge…into pet ownership, that is.
Time commitment
Pets must be fed regularly, exercised, groomed, and taken to the vet. Consider what you can realistically shift if you both have busy schedules (work, social lives, other caregiving responsibilities). Remember, overestimate and don’t underestimate how much time a pet will need; it’s always a bonus to get that time back versus not having enough.
Work schedules
Who is going to take care of your pet during the workday? Do they need care during that time? Or maybe you’re open to hiring pet sitters or dropping them off at places like doggy daycare.
Travel considerations
How often do you or your partner travel? Frequent travel means finding someone to care for your beloved pet or paying for pet boarding, which can be expensive. It can also impact you and your pet emotionally.
Talk about pet responsibilities
Understanding who owns the pet and who has financial responsibility is important to consider before diving into pet parenthood. For example, is it both of you equally, or is one person taking full responsibility for the care and financial aspect of the pet?
Individual or Joint Pet?
Is this a pet for you or you both? While you can’t really have a pet that is “just yours” when you’re in a committed relationship, a pet might be labeled as “belonging” to one partner. This is an important distinction that will affect how you share responsibilities and decisions about the pet’s care.
Financial responsibility
The costs add up – food, living spaces, toys, grooming, and other necessities. Don’t assume you’ll figure it out after; discuss how these expenses can be shared (or not), whether you can comfortably afford them, or if you both want to. The biggest thing here is not to consider the financial cost (although it’s important to assess). The biggest thing is knowing how to talk about uncomfortable things beforehand.
Outline your pet responsibilities in a prenuptial agreement
You can add pet clauses in your prenup that put these decisions in writing. For example, if you get a pet while you’re still boyfriend and girlfriend and decide that it’s only one person’s dog, you may want to outline that in the prenuptial agreement, stating that Spouse A takes ownership of the pet and all financial responsibilities in the event of a divorce. You can also consider shared custody and shared financial responsibilities.
Consider the pet’s environment
Okay, let’s talk about your living situation. Not only is this a huge consideration for the comfort of your pet, but it can also impact your sanity and your partner’s (heck, maybe even your neighbor’s).
Space Size
Consider the type of pet you’re thinking of and then research the ideal space for it. A large dog and a small apartment? Probably not a great match. A tortoise and a desert backyard? Sounds good to me! Either way, your space will become their space, and you have to consider what is ideal, what’s workable, and what is just not a match.
Pet-friendly Housing
If you’re in an apartment, a rental, or a shared living arrangement, ensure you’re allowed to have a pet. Some rental properties and homeowner associations have strict rules about pets—some may require an additional fee, while others ban them completely (or some breeds).
Outdoor Access
How much time outdoors would your pet need? Do you have that private space, or are you near an appropriate outdoor space? Are you down with taking your pet out for the time that they need to remain healthy?
Safety Considerations
This means thinking about what is safe for your pet and safe for humans and other animals in the home. While this depends on the pet you are thinking of getting, take your research seriously. What plants are toxic to your pet? If your pet gets out, are there local animals or environments (like heavy traffic) that can be deadly to them?
How do you deal with stress?
A pet can add both stress and joy to your relationship. Managing stress, especially in the initial stages of pet ownership, can help ensure your success.
Conflict resolution
Pets can cause tension, especially when one or both partners feel overwhelmed. Make sure you’re both practicing your conflict-resolution skills.
Stress management
Depending on the pet, they can bring lots of joy and chaos. How do you currently manage your stress, and do you need to make any adjustments? For example, if you rely on a consistent 8 hours of sleep a night, a new puppy and its small bladder may disturb your sleep patterns.
Final thoughts
Pets are an excellent addition to any family if it’s the right fit and time. While you can’t control everything, taking time as a couple to consider how the decision will affect your lives, individually and as a unit, is beneficial. Understanding how a pet will fit (or not fit) into your life is essential. With clear communication, a little honesty, and some help, you and your partner can ensure a new friend will bring joy rather than stress to your lives.
Dr. Vivian Oberling is a licensed clinical psychologist with degrees from UCLA, Harvard, and Stanford. In her private telehealth practice, she works with adults navigating anxiety, identity shifts, and relationship dynamics—whether they’re dating, partnered, or parenting. She also provides executive coaching and behavioral health advisory support to tech startups and legal tools reshaping how we think about love, marriage, and psychological safety. Dr. Oberling combines 10+ years of clinical expertise with modern, real-world insight to help people move through uncertainty with clarity and connection.
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