For most couples, the wedding planning process can take up a lot of time. Sometimes, it can be all-consuming. Trying to plan your perfect day is a lot of pressure. There are so many things to figure out, and depending on how short your engagement is, planning your wedding can turn into a full-time job.
The mistake many couples end up making is putting all of their focus on the wedding, right up until the big day. Picture this: it’s the day after your wedding. You wake up, obviously happy because you just married the love of your life, but then you stop and think, “What now?” Not that you’re unhappy at all, but you realize that you’ve spent the last several months solely in anticipation of your wedding. Which was amazing by the way, but now it’s over, and you find yourself in a weird spot. You never really thought past the wedding. You and your brand new spouse will figure it out, of course, but don’t you wish you would have been a little bit more prepared?
Of course, you want to focus on planning the wedding and making sure the day will be how you want it. But you don’t want to concentrate solely on the wedding, so much that after the big day, you realize you haven’t prepared for your marriage.
The wedding is a huge life event, but your marriage is the rest of your life. So you’ll want to make sure you are working toward a good wedding and an even better marriage. If you’re engaged (or thinking about it), read on to learn how you can create this balance during your engagement.
1. Devote quality time with no wedding talk
The last thing you want to do during your engagement is talking only about the wedding. Sure, it’s exciting and you have a lot to go over. But after a while, the wedding talk can turn into the only thing you talk about, and that can get stale. Remember that first and foremost, you are in a relationship. Your number one job should not be discussing the logistics of the wedding; it should be continuing the growth of your relationship.
Throughout your time as an engaged couple, make sure to devote time with each other where you are not talking about the wedding (other than how excited you are to marry each other). Some couples forget to keep dating each other once they get engaged, but it’s still a very important thing to continue.
Related: Are you wedding planning on a budget? Here are some things to consider.
So plan a date! Have some quality time to connect with each other and destress from the wedding planning process. You’ll be investing in your relationship and able to come back to the wedding planning all refreshed. The point is to not get too wrapped up in planning the wedding that you forget to nourish your relationship.
2. Make sure to plan for after the wedding
Your pandemic wedding will require plenty of planning, that’s understandable! But remember that there is plenty that comes after the special day. Don’t get too focused on the wedding that you forget to plan for afterward!
Immediately following the wedding will most likely be your honeymoon. That’s one thing you’ll definitely want to plan for! Whether you are taking a big trip abroad or staying in your area and keeping it lowkey, your honeymoon will need some sort of planning. Take time to plan your honeymoon together and start getting excited about it! The anticipation will make this time of planning much more fun.
The overall biggest thing you want to plan for is your marriage! You’ll have the rest of your life after the wedding to figure out marriage, but it definitely won’t hurt to do a bit of preparation beforehand. If you spend a portion of your engagement planning the wedding, a portion planning the engagement, and another portion planning your marriage, you’ll be much better off after the wedding.
3. Set expectations
Setting expectations is a key factor in preparing for marriage. Spend time talking about the future with your soon-to-be spouse. Dream together about the things you are excited about and the goals you want to set. What are you hoping to do? What support will you be looking for from your spouse? What things are you excited about, and what are you nervous about?
Discussing any concerns you have will be just as important as sharing the things you are looking forward to. Maintaining open communication is essential so that you can both be on the same page. In marriage, there will always be issues that pop up, but talking and setting expectations will save you many headaches in the long run.
You can’t prepare yourself for every little difference and issue you might face, but keeping your expectations in check will prepare you to face the difficulties of marriage together. Remember that you make up a team, and your marriage will flourish if you keep your communication constant and clear. Plus, if you make good communication a habit while you are engaged, it will come much easier to you when you reach married life.
Now you have three ways to prevent yourself from being too zeroed in on your wedding. If you devote time to have conversations not based on the wedding, have more planning for post-wedding, and work to set expectations for marriage, you’ll be making good use of the time you are engaged.
Related: Covid Wedding Planning
Another great conversation topic for marriage preparation is getting a prenuptial agreement. If you are engaged or thinking about getting married, make sure to decide whether or not a prenup will work for you and your spouse. Taking the time to consider these important decisions will greatly benefit you and your relationship later on.
If you need further information about prenuptial agreements, our FAQ page is the place to go! We also have a downloadable free copy of The Ultimate Prenup Guide to help you in this part of your marriage planning.
Julia Rodgers is HelloPrenup’s CEO and Co-Founder. She is a Massachusetts family law attorney and true believer in the value of prenuptial agreements. HelloPrenup was created with the goal of automating the prenup process, making it more collaborative, time efficient and cost effective. Julia believes that a healthy marriage is one in which couples can openly communicate about finances and life goals. You can read more about us here Questions? Reach out to Julia directly at [email protected].