When couples think about marriage, they often talk about where they want to live, raise children, build careers, or eventually retire. Far fewer talk about where their legal documents should live.
Each state has different laws around prenuptial agreements, marital property, enforcement, and interpretation. Planning a wedding in one city, finishing school in another state, taking a starter job somewhere else, or already knowing you may move closer to family later all shape where your agreement is best aligned.
For example, if you live in New York today but know there is a strong likelihood you will move closer to family in Florida after marriage or after children, it is worth discussing with an attorney in Florida, not only New York, so your long term plan matches where life is heading.
Money continues to be one of the biggest sources of tension in relationships and one of the leading reasons couples separate. Many of these challenges do not come from bad intentions. They come from assumptions, unanswered questions, and expectations that were never discussed.
Talking about finances before marriage creates clarity
What is each person bringing into the relationship.
How will money decisions be made.
What happens if one person pauses work, inherits assets, starts a business, or receives family support.
And yes, part of that conversation can include a prenuptial agreement.
A prenup is not planning for a marriage to end. It is creating a framework in case life unfolds differently than expected. The same way you protect your health, home, or future with insurance, a prenup can reduce confusion and create clarity around what each person brought into the marriage and how assets are handled.
One detail many couples overlook is location. A prenup can feel emotionally loaded because one person may hear, “Do you think this will not work.” A conversation about moving can feel equally loaded because the other person may hear, “Whose family matters more.”
Many couples avoid these conversations because they fear:
• Looking unromantic during an exciting season of life
• Creating conflict before the wedding
• Hurting a partner by suggesting one family may influence future decisions more than the other
• Discovering different expectations around caregiving, holidays, aging parents, children, or lifestyle
• Feeling guilty for wanting distance from family or pressure to move closer to family
But avoiding these conversations does not make the decisions disappear. One partner may quietly assume, “We will eventually move back near my parents.” The other may quietly assume, “We are building our permanent life here.”
Years later, that gap in expectations can turn into disappointment, resentment, or feeling blindsided. The goal is not to predict every outcome. It is to understand what home, family, and partnership mean to each person before life starts making those decisions for you.
Not sure how to bring it up. Start with questions instead of decisions:
• When you picture our life in 5, 10, or 20 years, where do you see us living
• If one of us wanted to move closer to family, how would we decide that together
• Are there states we already know we may move to one day. Let’s list them and talk through why
Thinking long term is one of the greatest gifts you can give your future relationship. Not because you expect something to go wrong. Because clear conversations today protect trust tomorrow.
Erika Wasserman is a Certified Financial Therapist and founder of Your Financial Therapist. She helps people have the money conversations they keep avoiding. Author of Conversations with Your Financial Therapist, endorsed by Shark Tank’s Barbara Corcoran, she mixes real talk with practical tools so you can feel calmer, clearer, and more confident with money.
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