Approximately 20-40% of marriages in the USA will be affected by infidelity. With that rate, many people find themselves faced with the question, “Can my relationship survive cheating?” Infidelity, emotional or physical, shatters the foundation of trust and can turn everything upside down. It is possible for a relationship to survive and even grow after such a breach of trust, but it takes time, effort, and commitment. Let’s explore more about how various factors can increase (or decrease) the potential for an effective reconciliation and healing.
Understanding the impact of cheating
Before we dive into how to move past cheating, let’s start with understanding how infidelity may have impacted the relationship.
The emotional side
Infidelity has a significant emotional impact, whether the cheating is physical and/or emotional. The person who was cheated on may experience a wave of different emotions – anger, sadness, and fear. And the partner who cheated is likely dealing with their own emotional rollercoaster in response to their action. Don’t disregard or invalidate the emotional part of this experience, even if the emotions are not readily seen or experienced.
Loss of trust
Trust is the cornerstone of a healthy relationship but is fundamentally compromised when someone cheats. Moving on not only means rebuilding that trust, but oftentimes means redefining what trust is in the relationship and the baseline of trust needed for your relationship to continue. It also means creating space to mourn what your relationship was and understanding that it will not be the same. It doesn’t mean that the relationship can’t be repaired, but it would be dishonest to say that everything can go back to “normal.”
Physical health
For situations where there was physical cheating (e.g., sexual interactions), there is often a chance that one or both partners were exposed to STDs. It’s highly recommended that both partners undergo physical health/STD testing. While some may argue that it’s not needed or can cause more anxiety, it’s important to validate that this is a real risk with increased sexual partners.
Psychological impacts
Infidelity can have short- and long-term impacts on an individual’s psychology. The partner who was cheated on will likely experience significant emotional reactions such as sadness, anger, anxiety, or shame. Processing that grief, whether or not the relationship survives, takes time and will vary from person to person. Depending on each person’s history and predisposition, dealing with this grief may also trigger a depressive episode or symptoms of PTSD. This may include difficulties sleeping, irritability, impulsive behaviors, uncontrollable worries, lack of pleasure, change in appetite, intrusive thoughts, or detachment. All this is a normal reaction, and professional services (e.g., therapy) can be beneficial in working through it.
Family dynamics
For many of us, our romantic relationships are tied to other relationships – those with family & friends. Infidelity impacts those relationships as well. Friends and family may have opinions on how each partner should act or respond, which can complicate an already emotional situation. In addition, if you and your partner have children, you have to seriously consider how this will impact them. How do you speak in a developmentally appropriate manner to your children, and/or how would it impact them if you did or didn’t remain in the relationship?
Rebuilding trust in the relationship
One of the biggest predictors of whether a relationship can survive infidelity is the ability to rebuild trust. Given that, let’s take some time to explore this more.
Transparency and honesty
Rebuilding trust necessitates transparency and honesty from the cheating partner. They must be willing to answer questions, share details, and provide reassurance that the betrayal won’t happen again. Being open about their actions and feelings is essential in demonstrating their commitment to change.
Demonstrating remorse
Again, and this cannot be overstated, the cheating partner must show genuine remorse for their actions and the pain they have caused. A heartfelt apology and consistent effort to make amends are crucial steps towards rebuilding trust. Actions speak louder than words, and the betrayed partner needs to see tangible evidence of their partner’s remorse.
Setting boundaries
Establishing clear boundaries is essential for rebuilding trust. Both partners need to communicate and agree upon guidelines that foster safety and security within the relationship. These boundaries may include open access to communication devices, a commitment to monogamy, a certain protocol for checking in about one’s whereabouts via text, explicit agreements about what constitutes ‘flirting’ and when (or if) it is ever appropriate and to what extent, and anything else that fits the couple’s specific situation.
Patience and time
Rebuilding trust takes time, and it’s important not to rush the process. The betrayed partner needs time to heal, and the cheating partner must understand and respect this. Patience, understanding, and consistent effort to rebuild trust are essential for the relationship to have a chance at survival.
Healing and moving forward
Here are practical steps couples can take to move forward after infidelity.
Processing emotions
Both partners need to process their emotions individually and together. The betrayed partner may need to express their anger, hurt, and sadness, while the cheating partner must address their feelings of guilt and shame. Seeking individual therapy can be beneficial in navigating these complex emotions.
Healing from emotional trauma
The discovery of infidelity can result in significant emotional trauma for both partners. Healing from this trauma requires patience, understanding, and self-care, as well as finding healthy ways to cope with the pain caused by the betrayal.
Healthy coping involves expressing all the emotions that come up rather than keeping them inside–but it doesn’t mean using one’s partner as a literal or metaphorical punching bag. Instead, emotions should be expressed through journaling, practicing a martial art or another sport, producing art, or any other non-harmful method that resonates with the individual.
Rebuilding intimacy
Re-establishing emotional and physical intimacy is a significant step towards healing. It requires both partners to engage in activities that foster connection, such as date nights, shared hobbies, sexuality, or even re-exploring their love languages. Rebuilding intimacy requires patience, understanding, and a commitment to emotional and physical closeness. It may not come easily after infidelity, especially for the partner who was cheated on. They need to feel that it is safe to be intimately open with their partner again. Therefore, they may prefer to re-establish intimacy slowly, through a series of small steps rather than a concerted effort all at once.
Redefining the relationship
After cheating, the relationship may need to be redefined. Both partners should reflect on their expectations, desires, and goals for the future. It may involve reevaluating priorities, the same renegotiation of boundaries that play a role in rebuilding trust (described above), an explicit commitment to growth as individuals and as a couple, and setting clear goals aimed at growth.
Personal growth
Surviving infidelity can, in fact, act as a catalyst for personal growth for both partners. It presents an opportunity to learn from mistakes, develop greater self-awareness, and cultivate emotional resilience. If both partners are willing to engage in personal growth and work towards becoming better individuals and partners, the experience of repair and rebuilding can even strengthen the relationship.
Frequently Asked Questions (FAQs) about healing after infidelity
Here is some more information on whether or not a relationship can survive cheating.
Q: How long does it take to rebuild trust after cheating?
A: The time it takes to rebuild trust varies for each couple. It can range from several months to years to never-gonna-happen, depending on the individuals involved and the level of commitment to the healing process.
Q: Should the cheating partner be forgiven?
A: If they want the relationship to move forward, yes. It’s reasonable to expect forgiveness to be precluded by a strong display of remorse from the partner who cheated, alongside a genuine commitment to fidelity in the future. It may be very challenging for the betrayed partner to forgive; nevertheless, it is indeed a necessary step in the healing process. Remember, forgiveness does not mean approval of the behavior; it means a readiness to accept the other’s apology and remorse.
Q: Can trust ever be fully restored after cheating?
A: While trust can be rebuilt, it is likely to be different. Different may be less or more than what it was before; it depends on the individuals involved, the degree of infidelity, and the repair work that was done after. Rebuilding trust involves creating a new foundation based on direct and explicit communication, transparency, and consistent actions that demonstrate commitment.
Q: Is professional help necessary for healing after cheating?
A: While it isn’t strictly necessary, I strongly advise seeking guidance from a couples therapist or counselor. They can provide valuable support throughout the healing process while helping the couple navigate complex emotions, improve communication, and increase the chances of relationship survival.
The bottom line
Overcoming infidelity is a challenging journey that requires immense effort, understanding, and commitment from both partners. While the road to rebuilding trust may be long and arduous, it is possible for a relationship to survive and even thrive again. Open communication, willingness to forgive, seeking professional help, and a shared commitment to growth are vital ingredients for healing and moving forward together.
Dr. Vivian Oberling is a licensed clinical psychologist with degrees from UCLA, Harvard, and Stanford. In her private telehealth practice, she works with adults navigating anxiety, identity shifts, and relationship dynamics—whether they’re dating, partnered, or parenting. She also provides executive coaching and behavioral health advisory support to tech startups and legal tools reshaping how we think about love, marriage, and psychological safety. Dr. Oberling combines 10+ years of clinical expertise with modern, real-world insight to help people move through uncertainty with clarity and connection.
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