Did you know more than 55% of Americans live within an hour of their extended family, according to research? Needless to say, those 55% of Americans are likely to visit their parents quite often. However, only 21% of Americans actually see their adult children multiple times a week. The question is, what is the right answer when it comes to how often you should visit your parents? Well, this is a personal decision. If you’ve recently tied the knot, this may be a huge contention point in your relationship, especially if you live close to family. Now, along with your shared Netflix account, you’ve got another delicate balance to maintain: How often to visit your ‘original’ roommates (that is, your parents) without driving your new roommate (i.e., your new spouse) bonkers!
How often should you visit your parents after getting married? (And what the data says)
We can’t tell you what is right for you, but what we can do is tell you what other people are doing. Let’s turn to some data to see how often young American adults see their parents. Studies show that only 10% of Americans see their parents daily. Only 21% see their parents multiple times a week. The much larger percentage falls between seeing their parents a couple of times a month (35%) and seeing their parents less than once a month (42%). The bottom line? Most young adults (ages 18 to 34) see their parents less than once a month (42%, that is). Do with that what you will. And we want to reiterate that this is a completely personal decision! You may very well be part of the 10% that see their parents daily!
Navigating the in-laws during your marriage
Marriage isn’t always smooth sailing! Balancing your time with your spouse’s family is a delicate dance. Their ideal visit frequency might not match yours, leading to tricky negotiations. Open communication is key to finding a rhythm that works for both of you.
Setting expectations for family visits
It’s important to set expectations with your new spouse when it comes to figuring out how often to visit the in-laws during a marriage. Here’s how to do it:
- Be Flexible: Life is unpredictable, so approach plans with humor and adaptability. For example, if the in-laws want to drop by last minute (once in a while), try to be flexible with them. Crack open a cold one and try to embrace the chaos. (Of course, if this happens one too many times, make sure to discuss boundaries with your partner.)
- Communication is Key: Discuss your preferred frequency of visits and compromise. Make sure your spouse understands your limits (everyone has them). If once a month is truly your maximum, explain this to your partner and explain the why behind it. Be vulnerable and approach the conversation with empathy.
- Find a Balance: Aim for a schedule that makes both of you happy and avoids resentment. Just because once a month is your limit, you’ll need to balance that out with your partner, who may want to see their parents every day. A good middle ground might be four times a month.
- Define Boundaries Together: Discuss what is and isn’t okay, such as unannounced visits, back-to-back weekend visits, long overnight stays, or involving family in marital decisions. When you and your partner are aligned on boundaries, it’s easier to present a united front to both sides of the family
- Check In Regularly: Your needs and comfort levels may change over time, especially after major life events like a move, a new baby, or a loss in the family. Revisit the conversation as needed, and be willing to renegotiate.
Remember, finding harmony in your marriage means respecting each other’s needs and feelings regarding family time. A little compromise goes a long way in keeping your marital tango in sync!
Balancing social commitments in marriage
Juggling work, friends, family, and your spouse can feel like a rodeo! Some obligations are predictable, while others appear out of nowhere. Here’s how to stay on top of it all while making time for your partner:
- Prioritize Special Occasions: Maybe you make certain events non-negotiable, think: birthdays, anniversaries, and family events. Showing up builds connection and avoids hurt feelings. Plus, these are typically only a few times a year.
- Embrace Technology: Video calls let you witness the family fun from afar, even when you can’t physically be there. Include your spouse for shared bonding time!
- It’s All About Balance: You need time with in-laws, but also time for work, hobbies, and relaxation with your spouse. Find a rhythm that works for everyone.
Marriage is a team sport. Nurturing your relationship with your spouse’s family strengthens your bond and creates lasting memories (even if they involve hilarious karaoke mishaps!).
Can you include in-law visits in your prenuptial agreement?
You may have heard that some couples include in their prenuptial agreement how often their in-laws can visit. Most attorneys and respectable prenup platforms will not include clauses like this because they’re generally not enforceable. It becomes incredibly difficult for courts to enforce lifestyle clauses such as these. Why? Because “punishing” someone for not complying with personal or emotional agreements (like how often in-laws visit) treads into areas courts prefer to avoid. These types of clauses are considered too subjective, vague, and/or intrusive for legal enforcement. Instead, they’re better suited for open communication and mutual understanding between spouses, rather than formal contract terms.
The bottom line
Deciding how often to visit your parents after marriage is a personal choice. Remember, clear communication with your spouse is crucial for finding a balance that works for everyone. Nurturing those in-law relationships is an important part of building a strong marriage.
- What Data Says: 42% of young adults see their parents less than once a month. Only 10% see their parents daily.
- Compromise is Key: Openly discuss your ideal frequencies and find a happy medium.
- Focus on Special Occasions: Birthdays, anniversaries, and traditions matter! Build connections without overwhelming anyone.
- Embrace Technology: Video calls can bridge the distance and keep you involved, even when you can’t be physically present.
- Balance is Everything: Time with in-laws is important, but so is time for yourself, your spouse, work, and hobbies.
Remember, it’s a journey. Your relationship with your spouse’s family will evolve over time. Be flexible, communicate openly, and embrace both the sitcom chaos and the heartfelt moments. This shared journey can deepen your bond and create a strong foundation for a happy marriage.
Nicole Sheehey is the Head of Legal Content at HelloPrenup, and an Illinois licensed attorney. She has a wealth of knowledge and experience when it comes to prenuptial agreements. Nicole has Juris Doctor from John Marshall Law School. She has a deep understanding of the legal and financial implications of prenuptial agreements, and enjoys writing and collaborating with other attorneys on the nuances of the law. Nicole is passionate about helping couples locate the information they need when it comes to prenuptial agreements. You can reach Nicole here: Nicole@Helloprenup.com
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