How Often Should You Visit Your Parents After Marriage?

Aug 22, 2023 | Communication, Relationships

Navigating Parent Visits in Marriage: The “I-Swear-It’s-Not-You,-It’s-Them” Guide

So, you tied the knot. Congratulations! Now, along with your shared Netflix account, you’ve got another delicate balance to maintain: How often to visit your ‘original’ roommates (your parents) without driving your new roommate (your spouse) bonkers!


The Parental Plot Twist

Families – where most sitcoms get their juiciest material. Picture this: Every family is like its own unique TV channel, with an unpredictable mix of drama, comedy, and the occasional reality show meltdown. Getting married is basically flipping between two channels and hoping for a cohesive storyline. And in the thick of this plot, you’re pondering: Should the parental cameo be a recurring role or a special guest appearance?

Ah, parents! The same folks who once agonized over your school lunches now have a keen interest in your marital menu. Your relationship evolution with them feels like the shift from eagerly awaiting dinner to strategizing about just how many shared suppers are sustainable.

But hold on! Our parents have hidden talents that rival the most unexpected plot twists. They’re masters at oscillating between ‘clingy’ and ‘cool’, often faster than you can toggle through your streaming services. Want clues? Their age might give you some insights – are they the adventurous type looking for fellow travelers? Or perhaps they’re in the health-conscious season, counting steps and requiring a workout buddy. But don’t forget to factor in their latest TV obsession; if they’re seven seasons deep into a series, you might just get a breather.

Engaging in conversation with them can, at times, resemble a dramatic telenovela negotiation scene – there’s love, there are tears, and oh, the emotional blackmail when grandchildren enter the frame. But once you cut through the theatrics, it’s just about tuning into their frequency. Are they sending out, “We cherish our moments with you!” vibes? Or is it more like, “Didn’t we just see you…like, a day ago?” Cracking this parental code will save you from several reruns and ensure you’re set for some prime-time bonding.


The Spousal Tango

Ah, marriage! It’s like embarking on a cruise that promised sunsets and piña coladas but also threw in some unexpected storms and the puzzling challenge of how to fold a fitted sheet together. And as you navigate through the maze of shared chores and “to-binge-or-not-to-binge” Netflix dilemmas, you’ve got the jigsaw of “parent time” staring you down. It’s like trying to put together a 1000-piece puzzle while ensuring none of the pieces vanish into the abyss known as the space between your sofa cushions.

Discussing the frequency of “in-law encounters” with your better half is akin to negotiating a delicate tango. Each step, each turn, must be in sync. Your spouse’s eyes might occasionally drift towards brochures of solo retreats while your heartstrings pull you towards another weekend at mom and dad’s. It’s a rhythm of give-and-take, with you trying not to step on each other’s toes… or feelings. The goal? Crafting a routine that doesn’t result in either one of you googling “remote hermit huts in the mountains.”

Now, setting expectations with your partner about family visits should be approached the same way you consider wearing those funky holiday sweaters – with a pinch of fun and a ton of flexibility. Because let’s be real: life throws curveballs. One day, you’re all set for a spontaneous drive to your parents, and the next, you’re crafting a novel of an excuse for why you couldn’t make it to the family potluck – something about a UFO, a missing sock, and the series finale of that show you’ve been addicted to. Whatever the reason, remember: it’s the dance of compromise that keeps the marital tango lively and in step.


The “No, Mom, We Can’t Come Over Every Day” Schedule

Finding the right visiting frequency is much like choosing the right radio station while on a road trip. Too much of one tune and you’re ready to jump out of the car; too little and you’re left feeling disconnected. The goal? Striking that harmonious chord where you’re singing along joyfully, but not so often that you know all the lyrics by heart. That’s right; you want a routine where you visit often enough to not have your dad ask, “And you are…?” but not so much that your mom starts handing you the laundry when you walk in.

Now, sketching this delicate plan requires tact. Think of it as plotting a treasure map where X marks the special occasions, but the journey doesn’t need a pit stop at every “clean out the garage” weekend. Your folks probably adore the idea of having you over to witness every rose blooming in the garden, but let’s be real: if you show up for every single petunia, they might just start charging you rent. However, those family traditions like the legendary summer BBQ or the notorious karaoke nights? They’re the golden tickets you don’t want to miss!

But just like that peculiar fruitcake Aunt Mabel insists on sending every holiday (what exactly is in that thing?), life is packed with surprise ingredients. You’ll need a flexible recipe for those unforeseen occasions when the usual visitation rhythm faces a remix. It could be a sudden family emergency, a surprise anniversary party, or perhaps a solar eclipse that everyone insists on viewing from the backyard. Whatever the reason, embrace the tempo changes, keep your dancing shoes ready, and remember: it’s all part of the grand jive of family dynamics. And if every now and then you have to step on a few raisins (or toes), just keep on dancing!


Circling the Wagons: The Relationship Rodeo

Ah, the thrilling rodeo of relationships! Picture this: you’re the cowboy or cowgirl, your social commitments are those wild stallions, and your mission? To ensure none of them bucks you off, especially when you’ve got a feisty one like the ‘spouse steed’ to manage. As you saddle up for this adventure, you’ll find some broncos are more predictable than others. Your work commitments might trot along consistently, while that impromptu brunch with old friends could gallop in out of nowhere!

Now, while managing this rodeo, special occasions stand out like a rodeo clown – bright, unavoidable, and sometimes, hilariously unpredictable. They’re the moments that can rescue you from the relationship bulls you might’ve accidentally angered. So, even if you’ve been playing cowboy hide-and-seek for a while, popping up for those significant moments like birthdays or anniversaries can feel like a triumphant lasso trick! And who would want to miss dad’s adventurous attempt at baking or mom’s audacious rendition of a rock ballad? Those moments are the blooper reels that make family gatherings unforgettable.

But thanks to the wonders of modern-day lassos (read: technology), you don’t necessarily need to saddle up and ride miles to witness the family circus. A simple video call could teleport you right to the center of dad’s living room boogie or mom’s newfound passion for pottery. And hey, why leave your spouse out of the spectacle? Loop them into the call and let them share in the laughter (or provide a shoulder to cringe on)!

In the grand spectrum of married life, striking a balance between visits, work, hobbies, and relaxation is like trying to perfect your rodeo routine. There’ll be moments of graceful horsemanship, times when you’ll get tossed in the mud, and occasions when you’ll be the star of the show. Whatever the outcome, grab your cowboy hat, embrace the wild ride, and always find joy in the reruns!



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