According to the American Psychiatric Association, anxiety disorders are the most common mental disorders and affect nearly 30% of adults at some point in their lives. That said, it’s normal to have worries and fears about getting a prenup. Let’s say you have a history of anxiety and are worried about how that may impact the prenup process, or you’re starting the process and beginning to notice anxiety creeping in. In that case, this is the article for you. Let’s talk more about what anxiety really is when it can rear its ugly head in the prenup process, and common coping strategies to address it.
What is anxiety?
Anxiety is a normal stress reaction and, in many situations, is adaptive because it signals to us any possible dangers. Anxiety disorders are when worries and fears significantly impact a person’s life, and the worries/fears are extremely difficult to control. Common symptoms of anxiety include:
- Excessive worries
- Difficulties controlling fears and worries
- Feeling restless
- Easily fatigued
- Difficulty concentrating
- Irritability
- Muscle tension
- Sleep disturbance (excessive sleepiness or difficulties sleeping)
These symptoms are not due to substance use or another medical condition.
Types of anxiety disorders
There are several types of anxiety disorders, and each has specific diagnostic criteria. They include:
Generalized Anxiety Disorder
Persistent, excessive worries about various aspects of life are often accompanied by other symptoms, such as sleep disturbances, fatigue, difficulties concentrating, and changes in eating habits.
Panic Disorder with or without Agoraphobia
Sudden and recurring panic attacks. Agoraphobia is a fear of being in situations where escape may be difficult or embarrassing.
Specific phobias
This is when there is an intense, persistent, and irrational fear of specific objects or situations. While this is true for all anxiety disorders, those with specific phobias tend to be highly avoidant, which reinforces these specific fears.
Agoraphobia
Individuals with agoraphobia fear being in situations where escape may be difficult or help may not be available. Often, there is a strong avoidance of public and crowded places.
Social Anxiety Disorder
Fear of being judged or embarrassed in social situations leads to intense avoidance of social situations and interactions.
Separation Anxiety Disorder
This is most often seen in children who experience extreme distress when separated from attachment figures (i.e., parents). This can persist into adulthood and may be focused on other attachment figures.
Selective Mutism
This is characterized by consistent difficulties and an inability to speak in situations (usually social) where there is an expectation to speak. An individual can speak in other situations and does.
Other disorders
Other mental health conditions associated with Anxiety Disorders or that can co-occur with an Anxiety Disorder include:
If you have any concerns or questions, contact a mental health provider. You can also read more about anxiety disorders on the American Psychological Association website.
Parts of the prenup process that may be difficult for someone with anxiety
The prenup process can trigger anxiety for anyone. However, there are a few key points that may be more anxiety-provoking for someone already predisposed.
- Initiating or having the first conversation. Bringing it up or talking about it for the first time can bring up significant worries. You may worry about rejection or conflict. It can also trigger catastrophizing, where you worry about the worst-case scenario (that is unlikely to happen).
- Sharing your financial information. This can bring up worries about judgments about your finances or fears about how this information can change your relationship. Finances, in general, can be a trigger for many people.
- Negotiating terms. Many may see this as conflict or confusion, increasing your worries. Negotiation may also take time and several conversations to address the worries.
- Talking about worst-case scenarios. While these conversations are needed, they’ll probably dig up some big worries. For example, you will have to discuss the possibility of death and divorce in the prenup process. For those with anxiety, talking about a fear feels like you’re willing it to live.
Strategies for managing anxiety
If you’re experiencing anxiety during the prenup process, here are some strategies to try:
- Focus on your breathing: Changing your breathing can immediately decrease your heart rate, blood pressure, and muscle tension, alleviating worries. Try a deep breathing exercise here.
- Identify triggers: Be a detective and identify what is triggering your worries and anxiety. It may be phrases, situations, or feelings. Knowing your triggers allows you to develop strategies to address the anxiety.
- Don’t avoid it: Avoidance inevitably maintains and exacerbates fears. Avoiding the prenup process or particular conversations can make it even more challenging to engage with. Break things down into smaller tasks or small intervals (e.g., 5 minutes) to help decrease the anxiety of achieving the task.
- Reframe: Challenge those worries! For example, your partner kisses you on the cheek this morning instead of on the lips. You begin to worry that she/he’s mad at you, which becomes thoughts that they will back out of the wedding. Pause and entertain a more realistic perspective, such as, “My partner woke up late and needs to get to work and is probably frazzled this morning.” Alternative thoughts such as this can help bring the worries down to a more manageable level.
- Embrace the worry: Let’s validate that this process will bring up worries and anxiety. Don’t try to avoid it completely. The trick is not to let them overwhelm you or to experience them for too long.
- Be compassionate to yourself: You have a right to your feelings. Allow yourself space to feel your emotions without judgment before taking action. Notice them and then try to replace them with more balanced interpretations.
- Open communication with your partner: Don’t bottle it up; lean on your partner and share your worries and feelings. Expressing them can make a big difference.
- Guided Imagery. These exercises use your imagination to help guide your mind to a place of relaxation. Try a few exercises from Kaiser Permanente.
- Self-care. Get sleep, avoid alcohol or substances, move your body, and eat well. All these things have a big impact on your physical health, which in turn has a big impact on how you’re able to deal with your worries and how big they may feel.
Need more support?
Does the process still feel too overwhelming? Or have you tried those strategies and want a little extra support? There are several evidence-based interventions for a variety of anxiety disorders. If your anxiety has gotten to a point that it is significantly difficult to control and impacts your daily functioning, seek support. A therapist can help identify triggers, coping strategies, and effective interventions.
In addition, medication options can be a crucial part of the treatment to help control anxiety symptoms or to decrease the negative impacts of symptoms enough to utilize other strategies. Speak to your PCP for a referral to a psychiatrist who can assess if medication is appropriate and what kind and dosage would be more beneficial.
The bottom line on anxiety during the prenup process
Feeling anxious during the prenuptial process is normal. And if you are dealing with an anxiety disorder, the process can trigger an increase in your anxiety symptoms. There are ways to manage it! Cognitive reframes, breathing exercises, and guided imagery can help manage worries in the moment. Leaning on loved ones and professional support, such as a therapist, is here to help navigate this period more easily. Remember, while the anxiety may be present, it doesn’t have to derail the process. With these things in mind, you and your partner can approach the prenup process with more confidence and ease.
Dr. Vivian Oberling is a licensed clinical psychologist with degrees from UCLA, Harvard, and Stanford. In her private telehealth practice, she works with adults navigating anxiety, identity shifts, and relationship dynamics—whether they’re dating, partnered, or parenting. She also provides executive coaching and behavioral health advisory support to tech startups and legal tools reshaping how we think about love, marriage, and psychological safety. Dr. Oberling combines 10+ years of clinical expertise with modern, real-world insight to help people move through uncertainty with clarity and connection.
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