Prenups are an incredible way to enter into your lifelong commitment with complete transparency, openness, and understanding. Long gone are the days when money conversations between couples were seen to be a bit uncomfortable. Today, couples realize that a lifelong commitment in marriage is a lifelong financial commitment, too, and as such, are taking smart steps to ensure both are a big success. One of the major aspects of this is creating the right prenup. It ensures you’re both on the same page financially before you begin writing your forever-after love story together.
So let’s take a look at firstly, how to overcome any potential awkwardness that may arise from one partner who isn’t as familiar with prenups, and ultimately, negotiate the best outcome for you both.
Understanding prenups
What is a prenup? A prenuptial agreement, or “prenup,” is a legal contract created before marriage. It outlines how a couple will handle finances, including assets, debts, and potential spousal support payments if they split. A prenup can also handle matters that occur during the marriage, as well, such as ownership/management of certain properties, filing taxes, and joint bank accounts.
Busting the myth: Prenups used to be seen as unromantic or a sign of distrust. However, they now offer couples a way to protect themselves and build open communication within their relationship.
Key Benefits:
- Financial Protection: Provides a clear plan for how assets and debts will be divided in case of unforeseen events.
- Communication & Transparency: Forces couples to discuss important financial expectations before marriage, reducing the risk of future misunderstandings.
- Enhanced Conflict Resolution: The process of creating a prenup teaches couples healthy ways to negotiate and compromise, building stronger relationship skills for the future.
Top prenup myths
Much of the confusion around prenups stems from the many myths that have hung around like dusty old cobwebs. So let’s separate fact from fiction when it comes to prenups and bust some of the top myths, which will be sure to bust any remaining feelings of awkwardness in the process, too.
Myth #1: Prenups are only for the rich and famous.
Busted: Prenups aren’t just for the wealthy elite. They’re for anyone who wants to protect their assets, regardless of income level. Whether you’re a business owner, have significant savings, or simply want to safeguard your individual assets, a prenup can provide peace of mind for both parties.
While the average cost to get a standard prenup drawn up by an attorney is $8,000 per couple, online platforms such as HelloPrenup have drastically reduced the cost involved. Now, a couple can get a prenup for just $599 per couple.
Myth #2: Prenups kill romance and trust in a relationship.
Busted: On the contrary, prenups can actually strengthen trust and communication between partners. By openly discussing finances and expectations before tying the knot, couples can ensure they’re on the same page about their financial future. The reality is it’s a positive, proactive step towards building a strong foundation for your marriage.
A prenup doesn’t mean you don’t trust your partner or believe in the longevity of your marriage. The truth is a prenup is simply a practical tool for protecting your interests and ensuring financial clarity for both of you.
Myth #3: Prenups are only necessary if you’re planning for divorce.
Busted: Prenups aren’t just about planning for the worst-case scenario. They’re about clarifying expectations and protecting both parties during the marriage and also in the event of unforeseen circumstances, such as death or disability. Think of it as a financial insurance policy that you hope you’ll never need but provides peace of mind knowing it’s there.
The pros and cons of a prenup
Before diving into the nitty-gritty of negotiating a prenup, let’s explore the pros and cons and why getting a prenup would be at the top of our wedding to-do list:
The upside of prenups:
- Financial Clarity: A prenup provides clarity and certainty regarding financial rights and responsibilities, which can help alleviate stress and conflict in the event of a divorce. It can also be a catalyst for many couples to sit down and openly discuss their financial situation, future obligations, and financial aspirations. In this way it can be an incredibly bonding experience between a couple.
- Asset Protection: Having a prenup in place allows you to protect any assets acquired before marriage, future assets you haven’t earned yet, family inheritances, business interests, and more, ensuring they remain separate property. This may be particularly important if one of you is entering into the marriage with a disproportionate amount of assets or wealth that you would want to protect in the event of divorce.
- Customization: The other great thing about prenups is that they are customizable to fit you and your fiancé’s specific needs and circumstances. This allows you to address concerns such as spousal support, property division, and financial obligations. The one thing that can’t be predetermined at this stage is anything relating to future children, for example, child support.
The downside of prenups:
- Emotional Sensitivity: If you and your fiancé have never before discussed finances, then bringing up the desire for a prenup may be an emotionally charged conversation, as it may be misperceived as having a lack of trust or commitment. In this case, it’s essential to approach the conversation with sensitivity and empathy, aiming to understand your financé’s concerns.
- Complexity: Prenups can be legally complex documents, requiring careful consideration of state laws, financial disclosures, and legal terminology. It’s not as simple as writing down your future financial plans and signing on the dotted line. That’s why companies like HelloPrenup are such a blessing, as they simplify the entire prenup process for a fraction of the normal cost.
- Potential Challenges: Enforcing a prenup can be challenging, particularly if it’s deemed unfair or unconscionable by a court. Getting a prenup thrown out by a judge is not easy–it requires money on legal fees and time spent going through the court process. However, it’s still really crucial your agreement is fair, reasonable, and properly executed to ensure it holds up in court.
The art of the prenup conversation
Now that we’ve explored the pros and cons, let’s talk about how you might choose to broach the subject of a prenup with your partner without any awkwardness:
1. Choose the right time and place
Timing is everything! Choose a time when you know both you and your partner will be relaxed and free from distractions in order to bring up the conversation. If money dates are a regular and normal part of your relationship, then this will be even easier as you may choose to bring it up during one of your dates when money and finances are already on the table. In any case, avoid springing the topic on your partner out of the blue, and once you’ve had the conversation, give them time to process and prepare their response as to how they want to move forward with it.
2. Frame it positively
Approach the conversation from a place of mutual respect and understanding. Emphasize that a prenup isn’t about predicting the demise of your relationship but rather about planning for the future and protecting each other’s interests, not just yours. There are many myths still in existence around prenups, so it’s important to set the story straight and emphasize the many positive points that we’ve covered here today.
3. Focus on shared goals
Highlight the many benefits of a prenup in terms of financial transparency, asset protection, and conflict resolution. Emphasize that it’s an opportunity to strengthen your relationship and build a solid foundation for your future together. Money will be a part of your individual and joint lives for the rest of your life and is one of the leading causes of divorce amongst married couples. By being proactive, you’re intentionally setting your marriage up for success by overcoming one of the great hurdles most couples face after they say, “I do.”
4. Seek professional guidance
Consider enlisting the help of a mediator, financial advisor, or attorney experienced in prenuptial agreements. They can provide objective guidance, facilitate constructive communication, and ensure that both your interests are fairly represented. At HelloPrenup, you have the simple option to add attorney services at any stage during your prenup process to support you moving forward.
Frequently Asked Questions (FAQs) about having the prenup and money talk with your partner
Q: What should be included in a prenup?
A: A prenup typically addresses asset division, spousal support, property rights, debt allocation, and other financial matters.
Q: How can we ensure fairness in negotiating a prenup?
A: Both you and your partner should fully disclose their assets, debts, and financial obligations and have the opportunity to seek independent legal advice before signing the agreement. In addition, make sure that the prenup provides for both parties and is not a one-sided transaction only benefitting one person. Transparency and fairness are key to a successful prenup negotiation that will stand up in court.
Q: What if we disagree on the terms of the prenup?
A: Negotiating a prenup requires compromise and open communication. If you’re unable to reach an agreement on certain terms, consider revisiting the discussion with the help of a mediator or legal advisor.
The bottom line on the prenup talk
Navigating the conversation around a prenup isn’t something anyone should feel is daunting or awkward. Now that you understand what a prenup really is and the many benefits associated with it, it should make the process of speaking with your fiancé about getting a prenup a whole lot smoother and more successful. With patience, empathy, and open communication, it will prove to be a valuable step forward towards building a strong and resilient partnership. By approaching all conversations around money, finances, and your future together with honesty, respect, and a focus on shared goals, you will lay the groundwork for a secure and harmonious marriage.
Remember, every couple’s journey is unique, and there’s no one-size-fits-all approach to negotiating your prenup. Just know that you’re not alone. Incredible services like HelloPrenup exist for a reason and have streamlined the entire process for future newlyweds all across America. So, support each other and embrace the opportunity to plan for the road ahead – together.
Laura Tynan is the founder of The Witch of Wall Street, a personal finance and investing community, where women are shown how to manage, multiply and manifest money, using simple strategies. Laura holds a BSc Hons in Finance, is a Chartered Accountant, and is certified in EFT Tapping, Breathwork, and RRT. She has been recognized by the Financial Times as a Top 20 Future Female Leader and by Yahoo! Finance as a Global Champion of Women in Business. She is a multi-award-winning speaker who has spoken at, and been featured in, Forbes. Laura hosts The Witch of Wall Street podcast and is the author of the personal finance and investing book for women, by the same name, which is available now on Amazon.
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