Money doesn’t have to be the elephant in the room. While those first money talks might feel less romantic than your honeymoon, they’re essential for a healthy relationship. Plus, couples that merge finances in some way tend to be happier, according to studies. So, let’s discuss the importance of honesty about finances, the plus-sides of splitting expenses, and the ways to find an approach that works for you as a couple.
What do most married couples do to split expenses?
The majority of HelloPrenup customers (80% to be exact) opt in for joint bank accounts. That means just 20% of HelloPrenup couples keep everything separate!
Clearly, HelloPrenup customers do not represent the nation as a whole, but it’s a good perspective on what some people are doing. Or at least those that think prenups are cool!
Plus, couples who merge their finances into joint accounts are reportedly happier than couples who keep things separate.
The bottom line is it doesn’t matter what most married couples do; you should do what makes sense for you as a couple.
Strategies for splitting expenses
Couples need to find what works for them when it comes to finances. Here are some common approaches to splitting expenses as a couple:
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The Real-Time 50/50 Split: Each partner pays half of all expenses in real-time. This entails 50/50 dinner bills, venmo-ing each other for payments as they come up, etc. For example, on Monday, you both go get dinner and split the bill by putting two cards down. On Tuesday, you receive your monthly gas bill. One person pays, and the other person immediately venmos their half. And so on and so forth.
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The Monthly Reimbursement 50/50 Split: Sit down every month (perhaps at your monthly money date?) and figure out who owes the other what. For instance, on the first Friday of every month, you two sit down and go through your credit card statements to see who spent what for the previous month. You parse out what were joint expenses, tally them up, and do the math to split it evenly.
- The Alternating 50/50 Split: This may not end up coming out to 50/50 every month, but over time, it will surely even out. Take turns paying the bill by simply alternating who puts their card down for each payment that arises. For example, on Monday, John pays for dinner. On Tuesday, Jen pays the gas bill. On Wednesday, John pays for a new rug purchased together. And so on and so forth.
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Income-Based Percentage: Couples contribute a set percentage of their income, ensuring each partner shares the burden equally relative to their means. A joint expense account is often used with this method. For example, if John makes $100,000 and Jen makes $50,000, John would perhaps contribute $1,000 to the joint bank account monthly while Jen would contribute $500. Then, both parties would spend from that account as needed on items or services that are for the couple.
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‘Pay What You Can’: Bills are divided up based on what each partner can realistically afford. Communication is key to ensuring all expenses are covered. For example, if John is out of a job for a few months, Jen might cover the bills for a while. Once John gets a job again, he may decide to contribute a bit more to make up for what he lacked in the previous months. There’s no real set amount, it’s just based on feel.
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‘All In’ Strategy: All income is pooled in a shared account, and both partners have access. Trust and clear budgeting are crucial with this method. For example, John and Jen have both of their monthly incomes directly deposited into one account–a joint account. Both personal and joint expenses are paid from this account.
Important Note: Open communication about finances is essential for any of these systems to succeed. Choose the strategy that best suits your needs and fosters a sense of fairness and teamwork.
Things to talk to your spouse about
Before splitting expenses, make sure to address the following potential challenges with your partner. Maybe call it a date night, crack open a bottle of wine, and discuss all of these topics:
- Income Disparity: If one partner earns significantly more, consider splitting costs based on income percentage to ensure fairness. For instance, if one partner makes $200,000 while the other makes $50,000, you two may want to discuss how this will affect finances and the relationship in general.
- Handling Unexpected Expenses: Create a joint emergency savings plan to handle life’s surprises and define what qualifies as an emergency. For instance, if your shared apartment floods, who will pay for this? Having a joint emergency fund would be helpful in this situation.
- Paying for Outings: Decide in advance how to handle shared costs like dates (alternating, income-based, etc.) to avoid awkwardness next time you’re out on date night. You’ll know in advance who’s got the bill.
- Financial Management: If one partner struggles with money, discuss support strategies, boundaries, and how it will impact shared expenses. Maybe even suggest a financial health course to ensure you both are on the same page with money management.
- Big Decision-Making: Choose who takes the lead on financial matters based on skills, not just income level. Discuss how big decisions will be made jointly. For instance, how will you go about purchasing a large asset such as a home? Who handles investments? What about starting a business?
- A Non-Earning Partner: If one partner doesn’t earn income, consider ways they can contribute, such as taking on more household responsibilities. Explicitly laying out what they are responsible for (such as the laundry, cleaning, and cooking) can help avoid conflict in the future.
Paying and reviewing joint expenses
Whether you’re going the 50/50 route, the “pay what you can” or some other strategy of splitting bills, you both should still review joint expenses together.
For example, if you have a joint credit card that you only use for home goods and home maintenance, you may want to sit down and review those credit card statements together to ensure everything looks correct. It’s easy to skip over an expense when you are sharing it with someone else.
This will ensure you both are on the same page with spending and there are no incorrect or accidental charges from either end!
The bottom line on splitting the bill
In summary, splitting expenses as a married couple is an important aspect of having a stable relationship, especially when you’re living together. However, sharing bills with your spouse may not be your jam, and it’s okay! You and your partner will need to come to an agreement (before marriage) and discuss finances, expenses, debt, and how money will be handled in your relationship. In a study, the number one conflict that drove their marriages apart was finances. Avoid conflict and any money issues with your spouse, and have an honest and open conversation. Prepare, plan, budget, and seek professional help if needed.
Frequently Asked Questions (FAQs) about splitting expenses
Here are some more questions on the topic of splitting expenses as a couple:
Q: My partner earns more than me. Is a 50/50 split fair?
A: This is a personal question- every couple may have different circumstances that lead to different answers. You could consider an income-based percentage for a more equitable approach.
Q: Who should pay for unexpected expenses?
A: It depends on your relationship dynamics, income, and personal preferences. You can also opt to create an emergency fund together to cover surprises.
Q: Who pays for dates and outings?
A: Try deciding in advance (taking turns, the higher earner pays, etc.) to avoid awkwardness.
Q: My partner is bad with money. How will this impact shared finances?
A: Set clear boundaries and expectations. Consider if providing support is realistic for you.
Nicole Sheehey is the Head of Legal Content at HelloPrenup, and an Illinois licensed attorney. She has a wealth of knowledge and experience when it comes to prenuptial agreements. Nicole has Juris Doctor from John Marshall Law School. She has a deep understanding of the legal and financial implications of prenuptial agreements, and enjoys writing and collaborating with other attorneys on the nuances of the law. Nicole is passionate about helping couples locate the information they need when it comes to prenuptial agreements. You can reach Nicole here: Nicole@Helloprenup.com
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