After a first marriage that has ended in divorce, entering a second marriage is both exciting and scary. Regardless of the reasons why your first marriage ended in divorce, you’re bound to want to improve the second time around.
According to the U.S. Census Bureau (2015), remarried adults have a higher chance of divorce when remarrying than in the first marriage. However, don’t let these statistics change your mindset! Despite this, there are many valid reasons to believe that second marriages are more likely to work. Not only are you more experienced and have more realistic expectations, but you also have the opportunity to reflect and improve upon past mistakes.
Want some inspo on how make your second marriage last? Keep reading to explore three tips to make your second marriage work. With these in mind, along with great communication, you’ll set yourself up for the path to a happy and successful marriage.
Don’t Bring the Past Into the Present
To make your second marriage work, it’s important to try to enter the marriage with a blank slate. While the past will always be a part of you, it serves as a learning experience that shapes who you are. The past trauma of your ex-marriage and divorce can be heavy, especially in the case of complex divorces.
Your new partner deserves a chance to show you that marriage can be better. Consistently bringing up your ex-marriage or divorce can be frustrating for your new partner. Of course, keeping your feelings inside is not recommended either. Talking with your partner a bit about your old marriage can help make strides to improve yourself and your relationship. However, be mindful of bringing too much of the past into the present.
Overcoming and letting go of the past can be difficult. As such, many divorcees find that individual or group therapy can be beneficial. The American Counseling Association offers many helpful tips to help rebuild after separation.
Be patient with yourself, as healing is a journey that can take each person a different amount of time. For some, moving into a second marriage shortly after the first has ended is doable. Others may require time to rebuild before entering a new marriage.
Remember, your first relationship is not your second relationship. To make your second marriage last, leave the past in the past!
Reflect on What Went Wrong the First Time
There are many reasons that relationships end in divorce. From substance abuse to financial arguments, many divorces seem to experience the same, recurring themes. Regardless of what went wrong in your first marriage, there’s always room for reflection. Reflecting on what went wrong in your first marriage may not always be easy.
While it’s easy to point blame on your partner, reflection includes acknowledging where you fell short too. Failure to acknowledge your shortcomings can set your second marriage up for the same mistakes. To encourage reflection, you may consider asking yourself a few questions. First, consider what the primary reason for divorce was and what went wrong. With that in mind, you may also be able to identify what you could have done differently to intervene or remedy the situation.
The purpose of reflection is not to make yourself bad. Rather, the reflection is intended to help you learn from your mistakes. In addition to acknowledging your own mistakes, reflecting helps you to identify what you want in a new partner. Having the opportunity to correct your own mistakes and select a different partner is one of the reasons why second marriages are twice as fun!
Invest in Yourself as Much as your Partner
Have you ever heard the phrase “you can’t pour from an empty cup?”. This common phrase refers to the idea that you cannot nurture someone else without taking care of yourself. This phrase applies directly to marriage. By investing in yourself and your own self-care, you’re investing in your partner and your relationship.
If you’re a very giving and selfless person by nature, it may take some time and effort to get used to this concept. Sometimes the best thing you can do for your relationship is to improve yourself. Part of this is mentioned above, as you reflect on your past relationship and consider how you can change for your new relationship. However, this also applies to nurturing yourself through creating your own self-care routine.
A self-care routine is especially important for your physical, mental, and emotional well-being. Overall, your mood will impact your interactions with your partner. The Centers for Disease Control has adopted the phrase: “including yourself in compassion”. With this in mind, check out some tips for self-care to help you invest in yourself. In turn, you’ll set yourself up for more success in your second marriage.
Bonus Tip! Prepare in Advance
When you and your partner were first married, you couldn’t have possibly dreamed about a divorce. Of course, time passed and things changed resulting in a divorce. If your divorce was lengthy, complicated, or stressful, you might think about preparing in advance for your second marriage. Though the idea of a second divorce is difficult to think about, it’s a reality you must face.
A prenup for your second marriage can help protect you, serving as an insurance policy for your future. Not only can a prenup protect both partners in a relationship, but it can also be used to ensure assets are left to your children. If you have children from ex-marriage, this may be especially helpful to allow you to pass down your assets. To learn more, check out these ways a prenup can help set you up for success in a second marriage.
You Can Do It!
Although statistics may not be in favor of successful second marriages, staying positive is critical for your success. Despite what statistics may say, your second marriage has every opportunity to thrive. First, you must leave the past in the past as you enter a second marriage.
Secondly, a deep reflection on the shortcomings of your first marriage can help you learn from your mistakes and change your approach. Lastly, investing in yourself as much as your partner and prioritizing your own self-care can help you improve your mood, thereby improving your relationship.
Ready to Start Your Prenup?
Check out HelloPrenup, the premier platform for creating prenuptial agreements online to get your second marriage off on the best start. Through a collaborative questionnaire, you and your partner can create a fast, easy, and affordable prenuptial agreement from the comfort of your couch!
Julia Rodgers is HelloPrenup’s CEO and Co-Founder. She is a Massachusetts family law attorney and true believer in the value of prenuptial agreements. HelloPrenup was created with the goal of automating the prenup process, making it more collaborative, time efficient and cost effective. Julia believes that a healthy marriage is one in which couples can openly communicate about finances and life goals. You can read more about us here Questions? Reach out to Julia directly at [email protected]