The sad truth, according to data, is that only 31% of long-distance relationships survive. And in today’s digital age, many relationships are now long-distance for some period of time. With tools like Tinder’s passport, you can meet the love of your life all the way across the world… all while sitting on your couch. It’s no wonder long-distance relationships are on the rise! While the digital age has brought us these amazing relationships, they don’t come without their own challenges.
One of the biggest concerns that arise in long-distance relationships is infidelity. However, there is data out there that suggests long-distance relationships experience a similar amount of infidelity as “regular” relationships (22%, that is). However, the lack of physical presence can make the opportunity to cheat easier and more enticing for long-distancers. Not to mention, it can be harder to communicate, set boundaries, and spend quality time together. Let’s explore whether long-distance relationships are truly more vulnerable to infidelity and what steps can be taken to strengthen your relationship.
Understanding infidelity: More than just physical acts
What is Infidelity? Infidelity occurs when a partner violates the agreed-upon boundaries of a relationship. This breach of trust can involve sexual, emotional, or romantic connections with someone outside the primary partnership.
Forms of Infidelity: It’s important to recognize infidelity’s various forms:
- Sexual: Physical intimacy with someone other than your primary partner.
- Emotional: Deep emotional connection and sharing of personal details with another person, sometimes at the expense of the primary relationship.
- Micro-cheating: Smaller actions that may seem harmless but can erode trust and suggest interest in others, like flirting or excessive online attention.
Long-distance relationship struggles
Long-distance relationships demand extra effort from the partners due to the nature of the relationship. From limited physical intimacy to time zone differences, here is a list of the challenges LDR couples may face:
- Limited Physical Intimacy: The lack of touch and physical connection can make maintaining a romantic bond difficult and may increase temptation for some couples.
- Miscommunication: Communicating primarily through text, calls, or video chats can make conveying tone and intention hard, leading to misunderstandings and conflict.
- Trust Issues: The lack of regular in-person interaction can breed insecurities and doubts, potentially impacting trust.
- Financial Strain: Travel expenses to see each other, alongside potential plans to move closer, can cause financial pressure.
- Time Differences: Coordinating schedules across time zones can be frustrating, making communication and simple connections more difficult.
Are long-distance relationships more vulnerable to infidelity?
Not necessarily! Cheating really depends on the situation. 22% of people in a long-distance relationship admit to cheating compared to the general statistic that 44% of unmarried men and women cheat and 20% of married couples in the U.S. cheat. From these numbers, it appears that long-distance relationships may NOT be more vulnerable to infidelity!
It’s easy to think that the lack of physical presence would contribute to a rise in cheating, but maybe we shift our thinking. Maybe if people are in a long-distance relationship, they are truly dedicated to their partner and will go the “extra mile” to make it work. Why would they cheat and ruin such a great relationship that they’ve worked so hard on?
Strengthening your long-distance bond
While there’s no foolproof way to prevent infidelity, whether you’re in a long-distance relationship or close-proximity relationship, either way, you can build a strong, fulfilling relationship through:
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Open & Regular Communication:
- Schedule video calls, phone dates, and text check-ins to foster a sense of connection.
- Share feelings, goals, and even challenging subjects to build deep understanding.
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Clear Boundaries: Discuss your definitions of cheating and expectations for outside interactions. This creates a secure foundation. For example, requesting a phone call at least once a day or providing visibility into each other’s locations.
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Planned Visits: Anticipation is half the fun! Regular visits combat loneliness and allow for physical intimacy. Looking forward to your next trip together is exciting.
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Tech as Your Ally: Use FaceTime, messaging apps, and even games to stay connected, share experiences, and have some virtual fun together. You can play board games via FaceTime, watch movies together via Zoom, or play virtual word games like Scrabble.
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Support Network: Having friends, family, or even a therapist to confide in provides a vital outlet during challenging times. Reach out to those close to you if you are struggling with your LDR.
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Foundation of Trust: Build trust through honesty, dependability, and consistent communication. Having a strong foundation in your relationship is key to getting through each day you spend apart.
Final thoughts
Long-distance relationships can be tough, but they are not necessarily more vulnerable to infidelity than other types of relationships. Infidelity can happen in any relationship; it’s based on a multitude of factors outside of geographic proximity. However, having a long distance can create some obstacles that may put a strain on the relationship.
Frequently Asked Questions (FAQs) about long-distance relationships
Q: Can long-distance relationships work?
A: Yes, long-distance relationships can work with effort, communication, and trust. But, at the end of the day, there’s typically a light at the end of the tunnel for a long-distance relationship (i.e., plans to live in the same zip code). Without plans to eventually live near each other, maintaining long-distance forever could prove very difficult.
Q: Why do people cheat in long-distance relationships?
A: Just like with any relationship, people cheat in long-distance relationships for various reasons, including mere temptation/opportunity, loneliness, insecurity, unsatisfying relationships, etc.
Q: How do I know if my partner is cheating in a long-distance relationship?
A: Signs of cheating in a long-distance relationship may include decreased communication, secretive behavior, and a sudden change in behavior or mood. There could also be no signs! It really depends on the situation and the people involved.
Q: What should I do if I suspect my partner is cheating in a long-distance relationship?
A: If you suspect your partner is cheating (while it may be difficult), it is crucial to have an open and honest conversation with them about your concerns.
David F Khalili is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, board-certified sexologist, author of Mental Health Workbook for Men, founder of Rouse Relational Wellness, a boutique sex and relationship therapy center serving San Francisco and all of California, and recently started Rouse Academy, an online learning platform to address sex and anxiety. You can learn more about David’s practice at rousetherapy.com.
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