20% of Americans get cold feet before their wedding, according to a recent survey from 2021 to 2024 that polled 2,000 Americans. So you are not alone! Those butterflies in your stomach could be excitement…or full-blown pre-wedding panic. Don’t worry; it’s totally normal to feel a bit overwhelmed as the big day approaches. Whether you’re second-guessing your guest list or picturing a cake-related disaster, those jitters are no match for a good plan. This guide offers practical tips and calming reminders to help you ditch the doubt and embrace the joy. Because spoiler alert: You absolutely CAN handle this, and your wedding day is going to be amazing!
Here are a few things you can do if you’re starting to second-guess your decision.
Cold feet happen: Don’t panic!
Pre-wedding jitters can include second thoughts, but that doesn’t mean your relationship is doomed. Feeling a bit unsure is totally normal, especially with big life changes! Here’s why:
- High Stakes: Weddings have lots of pressure, making doubts seem scarier than they are.
- Focus on ‘Perfect’: If you’re stressing about details, the big picture of love can get blurry.
- Time for Reflection: It’s healthy to check in with yourself– are your worries fleeting or signs of deeper issues?
Take a Breather: If the anxiety feels overwhelming, step away from wedding planning and focus on self-care. Sometimes, a clear head is the best way to gain perspective.
Therapy: A safe space to explore your feelings
If pre-wedding jitters are making it hard to think straight, a therapist can offer valuable clarity. Here’s what they can do to help:
- Unpack the Doubts: A therapist helps you pinpoint the root of your worries – are they about the wedding, yourself, or the relationship?
- Communication Tools: They offer strategies for discussing these sensitive issues with your partner in a healthy way.
- Stress Management: If wedding planning itself is causing anxiety, a therapist can teach you coping skills.
- Neutral Perspective: Unlike friends or family, a therapist offers unbiased support, helping you see your situation objectively.
Takeaway: Seeking out a therapist to help you with pre-wedding jitters is always a good idea, and they can help you in more ways than one!
Communicate with your partner
While it might be uncomfortable to bring up if you’re feeling unsure about getting married, having a conversation with your partner is the best way to get clarity. Here’s how to approach it:
- Be Honest, but Gentle: Speak directly about your doubts, even if the cause isn’t fully clear to you yet.
- Focus on “I” Statements: Share how YOU feel without making your partner feel blamed (“I’m feeling anxious about the wedding, not sure if it’s normal…”)
- Seek Understanding, Not Solutions: The goal is to be heard and feel less alone, not to make your partner fix everything.
- Teamwork Mindset: Reassure them that you want to work through this TOGETHER. Their feelings about the wedding matter, too.
Benefits of being Open with your Partner:
- Reduces Anxiety: Sharing the burden often makes it feel lighter.
- Builds Trust: Shows your commitment to honesty, even when it’s hard.
- May Reveal Shared Worries: You might be surprised that they have some jitters, too!
The bottom line: Sometimes, expressing your feelings, getting reassurance, and knowing that your partner is nervous, too, is all you need to get over the bump and feel great about your engagement again.
Talk with a friend or family member
If you feel like you need to talk to someone about your doubts (and you don’t want to get a therapist), don’t be afraid to reach out to your network.
You might choose to talk with a friend or family member who’s been married for a while and knows you well.
Talk it Out: Sometimes, the best thing to do is talk it out with someone who cares about both of you and knows how much this means to both of you. Even if they can’t give you advice, they can support you and be there for you as you grapple with these difficult feelings.
Consider Your Stress Levels
Sometimes, our stress levels manifest themselves in tricky ways. Ever been so stressed that you take it out on someone who doesn’t deserve it? Something similar could be happening here—after all, planning a wedding is a lot of work. Before assuming your doubts are about the marriage, consider this:
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Wedding Overload: Planning a big event is HARD, even if it’s a happy one. That pressure can spill over into other areas of your life.
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Misplaced Frustration: Are you snapping at your partner about minor things or feeling a general sense of irritability? This could be stress, not a sign your relationship is wrong.
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Benefits of Taking Action:
- Addressing the Causes: If there ARE issues with the wedding or relationship causing stress, tackling them NOW prevents things from getting worse.
- Relief for Both of You: Honesty about your stress may reveal that your partner feels similarly, leading to a shared sense of relief.
Take a Break: Relieve some stress, take a break, and consider that these feelings may come from a place of stress and not the underlying relationship.
Try Tracking Your Thoughts and Feelings
If you’re struggling with anxiety about your upcoming marriage, try using an app or writing in a journal to track how you feel on a daily basis. If you identify when you’re experiencing anxiety, it can help you understand what triggers these feelings and help you see how to manage them effectively.
You may also want to track your moods. This might be as simple as recording whether or not you felt happy or sad every day for a week, or it could involve more in-depth questions like “What was going on at home?” or “Did anything special happen today?” being asked at the end of each day. Seeing patterns and being able to associate them with what’s going on in your life can help you find clarity about your situation.
Building a shared future vision eases worries
The unknown can be scary! After all, you’re making a massive life change, merging your life with someone else, and making one of the largest commitments anyone can make in their lifetime. Openly discussing your future plans with your partner provides clarity and can ease a lot of pre-wedding jitters. Here’s why:
- Reduces Uncertainty: Talking through big life plans makes those changes feel less abstract and more like a shared adventure.
- Teamwork Builds Trust: Having these sometimes difficult conversations shows your commitment to solving problems together.
- Spotting Potential Red Flags: If you have truly incompatible goals, it’s better to know that BEFORE the wedding!
What To Discuss To Build A Future Vision:
- Extended Family Dynamics: How much involvement will each other’s families have? Discuss boundaries and expectations to prevent hurt feelings later.
- Plans for Children: Do you both want kids? If so, how many, and what kind of parenting styles do you envision?
- Finances: Talk honestly about debt, income, and long-term goals. (Hint: This is where a prenup can offer practical protection.)
- Individual Dreams: Support each other’s career paths, hobbies, and personal ambitions. A healthy marriage leaves room for both of you to grow.
The bottom line on pre-wedding jitters
It’s okay to feel nervous before getting married, but if you have serious doubts, explore them. It’s okay to feel nervous and even scared, but if the anxiety is so extreme that it’s affecting your everyday life, then it makes sense to explore the source of those feelings. The important thing is that you keep an open mind and listen to your heart when deciding if you want to marry this person or not because, in the end, that’s what matters most!
Julia Rodgers is HelloPrenup’s CEO and Co-Founder. She is a Massachusetts family law attorney and true believer in the value of prenuptial agreements. HelloPrenup was created with the goal of automating the prenup process, making it more collaborative, time efficient and cost effective. Julia believes that a healthy marriage is one in which couples can openly communicate about finances and life goals. You can read more about us here Questions? Reach out to Julia directly at [email protected].
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