Did you know that 50% of U.S. adults approve of getting a prenup and are open to signing one? Prenups are simply the way of the future and are nothing to be ashamed of. In fact, they can actually improve your relationship by fostering communication, facilitating financial transparency, and allowing boundary-setting. This article will discuss the benefits of prenup, how to handle the prenup conversation with your partner, and much more. Let’s dive in!
What to do when your partner asks for a prenup: A thoughtful approach
It’s natural to feel a surge of emotions if your partner asks for a prenup. It’s easy to misinterpret this as something negative. However, we’re here to show you how prenups are beneficial for your marriage and actually make your relationship mean more. However, here are some first steps to take when this conversation occurs:
Key Actions to Take:
- Breathe and Reflect: Don’t react impulsively. Take time to process your own feelings and understand where they’re coming from. And don’t forget to breathe!
- Open Communication: Schedule a calm conversation dedicated to discussing the prenup. Express your emotions honestly, and actively listen to your partner’s reasons. (Don’t just wait until it’s your turn to talk–learn where they are truly coming from).
- Seek Deeper Meaning: A prenup request could stem from something positive–don’t assume the worst. It could be due to past experiences, family history, or a desire for financial security. Explore the “why” behind the request.
Beyond Black and White Thinking
- A prenup doesn’t mean your partner doesn’t trust you. It is more likely about practical planning.
- You wouldn’t be upset if your partner asked you for car insurance because that means they think you’re a bad driver, right?
- Protecting assets can be a wise decision, especially when entering a marriage with significant wealth or complex financial situations.
- A prenup can even provide clarity and prevent future misunderstandings. How can you be mad at that?
Remember: A healthy relationship thrives on open communication and mutual understanding. A prenup helps set the stage for open communication and a thorough understanding of one another. Approach this convo with empathy and willingness to find solutions together.
It’s okay to feel what you’re feeling
Before discussing how you should respond to a request for a prenup, it’s a good idea for you to understand that your initial feelings – whatever they are – are completely normal.
It’s okay to feel hurt, mad, upset, angry, or disappointed. It’s also okay to not know how you feel.
Most people have a similar initial response when one partner asks for a prenup unexpectedly.
Understand that your significant other may also be nervous or confused about a prenuptial agreement. Sometimes, family pressure or misunderstandings can bring about the subject, but it will give you both the opportunity to understand prenups in a different light. (Spoiler alert: Prenups are a good thing).
Prenups aren’t a bad thing, and here’s why
Prenuptial agreements are becoming more and more common, and there’s a reason for that. 47% of millennials say that they have entered a prenup! That’s a huge jump from previous generations!
- Not just for the rich: Anyone with assets, debts, or future inheritance they want to protect can find a prenuptial agreement useful. Prenups can also be helpful to protect future assets you don’t have yet!
- They promote open communication: Creating a prenup forces you and your partner to have healthy conversations about finances early in your relationship through a mechanism known as financial disclosure. It literally requires you and your future spouse to share all of your income, assets, and debt with one another.
- Prenups streamline a potential divorce: If a separation does happen, a prenuptial agreement provides guidelines for dividing assets and debts, making a stressful situation less chaotic. Less time spent arguing and spending money on legal fees.
- They protect you: Prenups can prevent situations where you might be liable for your spouse’s debts or lose an inheritance intended for you. Taking on debt that your name isn’t on in a divorce is like throwing salt in a wound.
- Peace of mind: Knowing your important belongings and financial future have some protection can lessen worries for both partners.
Key takeaway: Prenups aren’t about expecting a divorce; they’re about planning responsibly for all possible futures. They are also about protecting one another and setting boundaries.
Prenups can make a relationship stronger (yes, really!)
While millennials might seem hesitant about marriage, with delayed timelines and separate finances, this generation actually puts a higher value on the institution. According to UCLA professor Benjamin Karney, they wait because they care about marriage.
With that said, here are the ways a prenup benefits your relationship:
- Building Trust: Prioritize your partner’s future financial well-being and plan joint futures together.
- Stronger Foundation: Prenups force open, honest conversations about finances before they become problems.
- Confidence: You know your future is considered.
- Teamwork: Facing financial decisions together fosters unity.
- Reduced Worry: Pre-planning alleviates anxieties.
- Improved Communication: You’re practicing tackling hard topics.
- Feeling Heard: Your values and expectations are discussed openly.
- Family Buy-in: Reassuring those who care about your well-being.
- Conflict Ready: You’ve established a framework for handling tough situations.
Key Takeaway: Prenups are about proactive planning, fostering transparency, and ultimately strengthening your relationship – not about anticipating failure.
Recognize that a prenup is for both of you
A prenuptial agreement isn’t one partner “doing something” to the other. It’s called an agreement for a reason – you both have to agree to it! Here’s why:
- Collaboration = Confidence: Working together on a prenup builds trust and a sense of shared goals. Nothing feels better than being in sync with your partner! For example, agreeing on how to split up finances during the marriage (such as joint bank account vs. separate accounts) can give you relationship confidence in your joint decisions together.
- Protecting Each Other: A prenup is a legal tool for fairness. It ensures both of your needs are considered, not just one person’s. Making sure that both parties are taken care of in the unfortunate event of a split is a loving thing to do!
- Choice vs. Chance: Don’t leave your future to outdated laws or a stranger in a courtroom. A prenup lets you decide what happens if the marriage ends, not state law. Yes, your prenup overrides default state laws.
- Safeguarding Your Successes: Student loans, retirement savings, businesses – these are things you’ve built. A prenup makes sure both parties are protected, no matter what. You know how hard your partner worked to get that med school degree–make sure it’s protected, for their sake.
- Facing the Future Together: All marriages end at some point or another (whether through divorce or death). Prenups are a way to plan responsibly for when yours does, in any scenario.
- Modern & Accessible: You don’t have to start with a lawyer. Online tools make it easy to draft a prenup together, saving time and awkwardness.
Key Takeaway: Prenups are about teamwork and smart planning to ensure a secure future for both partners.
Final thoughts
If your partner asks you for a prenup, your initial reaction may be to feel hurt or upset. However, if you take some time to think about it logically and rationally, you may quickly realize that there is no need to be upset. A prenup benefits both members of the relationship and will allow you to work out your expectations for the future together, laying a strong foundation for your marriage. Co-create your future & protect your ass(ets) with a prenup today.
Julia Rodgers is HelloPrenup’s CEO and Co-Founder. She is a Massachusetts family law attorney and true believer in the value of prenuptial agreements. HelloPrenup was created with the goal of automating the prenup process, making it more collaborative, time efficient and cost effective. Julia believes that a healthy marriage is one in which couples can openly communicate about finances and life goals. You can read more about us here Questions? Reach out to Julia directly at [email protected].
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