Did you know 85% of office affairs start at a work party? Not surprising! What is it with office affairs? Why do affairs frequently occur within the workplace? Maybe it has something to do with the sheer amount of time we spend with our coworkers. Whatever the reason, office affairs are so common, and there’s no denying it. (Hello, Pam and Jim from The Office). Let’s delve into why office affairs are so common, the potential consequences of workplace relationships, and how to handle these situations if you find yourself in one.
The psychology behind office affairs
Why do office affairs happen, you ask? Well, they aren’t just about bad judgment; there are several psychological factors that may play a significant role:
- Proximity and Shared Experiences: Spending significant time with colleagues builds familiarity and a sense of connection, which can sometimes evolve into attraction. (Probably why 85% of work affairs start at a company party).
- The “Snowball Effect”: Repeated exposure, even to someone you initially find mildly appealing, can intensify feelings over time. For example, think about how Pam and Jim saw each other every. single. day. Eventually, they just grew on each other.
- Forbidden Fruit Syndrome: The thrill of secrecy and breaking workplace norms can be enticing for some, fueling the affair’s excitement. People want what they can’t have, unfortunately.
- Convenience: For individuals already prone to infidelity, the office provides readily available opportunities, especially due to the amount of time spent with colleagues. For example, company holiday parties or work trips may provide the perfect convenience for an affair.
The heavy toll on careers and relationships
The consequences of an office affair are dire, and no, it’s not just the original relationship that suffers. Office affairs incur serious damage, both professionally and personally:
Professional Fallout
- Damaged Reputation: Gossip and resentment can undermine career advancement and professional standing.
- Tension and Conflict: The affair can disrupt teamwork and erode trust among colleagues.
- Policy Violations: Depending on company rules, the affair could lead to job loss or legal complications.
- Sexual Harassment Risk: Misunderstandings or power imbalances can escalate into accusations with lasting effects.
Personal Consequences
- Broken Trust: The original relationship is often irreparably damaged by betrayal.
- Wider Fallout: Friends, family, and even children may experience the pain of the affair.
- Emotional Toll: Cheaters can face guilt, shame, and potentially long-term mental health impacts.
What to do if your partner is having a workplace affair
If you’ve reached the conclusion (and you’re sure) that your partner is having an office affair, we know that this news is devastating, and we’re sorry. All hope is not lost. Here’s a path toward healing and clarity:
Communicate Honestly:
- Choose the Right Time: Pick a calm moment where you can express yourself fully.
- Express Your Feelings: Share your hurt, anger, and any other emotions you’re experiencing.
- Seek Answers: Ask questions that will help you understand and begin the healing process.
Set Clear Boundaries:
- Protect Yourself: Outline what interactions (if any) are acceptable between your partner and the person they cheated with.
- Consider Workplace Changes: Discuss if a job change, even temporarily, is necessary for your healing.
- Define the Relationship’s Future: Clearly state if you intend to stay, leave, or are undecided. Be honest with yourself about what you truly want.
Prioritize Support:
- Seek Therapy: Consider couples’ counseling for improved communication or individual therapy to process your emotions and make informed decisions.
- Spend time with Friends and Family: Prioritize time away from your partner and spend time with those around you that make you happy.
Focus on Yourself
- Personal Growth: Invest in yourself through hobbies, learning new things, or connecting with supportive friends. This builds strength and resilience.
Final thoughts on office affairs
In conclusion, office affairs and workplace relationships can be a complicated and risky situation. While they may seem exciting and alluring at first, they can quickly turn into damaging situations that can impact careers and personal lives. By setting clear boundaries and seeking professional help, individuals can navigate these situations in a professional and healthy manner.
Frequently Asked Questions (FAQs) about office affairs
Q: Are workplace affairs ever acceptable?
A: In our opinion, no “affair” is acceptable, regardless of whether or not it took place within a workplace.
Q: What should I do if one of my coworkers is having an office affair?
A: This is a personal decision. It depends on your relationship with your coworker, your status at the company, how comfortable you feel with your supervisor, and other things. At the end of the day, if the office affair is affecting YOUR life negatively, it may be worth considering.
Q: Do most companies have anti-workplace relationship policies in place?
A: It’s unclear what most companies do, but there are many companies out there that prohibit any romantic relationships between coworkers, and the punishment is typically the termination of one or both people. You’ll need to check out your company’s HR handbook to see if your company has a policy on this matter.
Q: Should companies have an anti-relationship policy in their HR handbook?
A: In our opinion, yes, companies should outline their expectations of the workplace, and strictly prohibiting romantic relationships with the consequence of termination can help protect the integrity of the company and avoid unnecessary workplace conflict.
Q: Why are office affairs so common?
A: They’re so common because of a few things: proximity, repeated exposure, shared goals, convenience, and the allure of forbidden fruit.
Q: Can a relationship survive an office affair if the person stays employed at the company?
A: If your partner cheats on you with a coworker and then stays employed at the same company (and so does the lover), then it may cause issues, but it depends on your situation. It is reasonable to think that this would cause you to feel extremely uncomfortable with the idea of repeated exposure to the person that your partner cheated with.
David F Khalili is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, board-certified sexologist, author of Mental Health Workbook for Men, founder of Rouse Relational Wellness, a boutique sex and relationship therapy center serving San Francisco and all of California, and recently started Rouse Academy, an online learning platform to address sex and anxiety. You can learn more about David’s practice at rousetherapy.com.
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